Can no longer stand being around friends
I've lived with depression and anxieties for my entire high school period and I am still suffering months after graduating (I decided not to attend university due to my poor mental health). Now that school is over, I really have nothing to do, I have walked out on jobs on 2 separate occasions because i could not handle the stress, I am extremely nervous in public due to my extremely skinny nature (Im not anorexic, just naturally very skinny) so I don't attend any social gatherings. This however, means I am also extremely bored at home, with no money to spend.
My main issue at the moment is my friends from high school. I consider myself to have 4 friends. One has had to deal with minor anxiety and depression in the past, however he is considered extroverted and is able to easily be happy in society. One is the classic stereotype of a nerd, never going outside, however he has a massive superiority complex despite him being not clever in the slightest. The next one is similar to me, however I doubt he suffers from mental illness, he is just extremely normal in a nerdy kind of way, he is like a very responsibly parent he never comes out either. The last one I have my largest issues with. He obviously suffers from depression and anxiety, however he takes it out on other people. He is selfish, rude, impulsive, unreliable, a liar and has developed a toxic personality in general over the years. He definitely shares multiple traits that a sociopath would. I think his depression may have stemmed from people disliking him due to his personality. I have tried over the years to continue being nice to him and help him, but he is seriously taking a major toll on my own mental health when I am around him, I just no longer want to be friends with him. We all tolerate him in real life and online, but I doubt the only one who actually likes him is the extroverted friend. I don't have the heart to tell him I don't like him because I am afraid he will just get worse. We can't really kick him out because he would nave no one otherwise.
The dilemma is that I can either continue having social contact with these people, however I will constantly have to deal with this toxic person, or I cut all relations with this group that I am tired of, but that will result in me no longer having any social contact for a year until I start uni.
Sorry for the long rant, I have never been able to express my thoughts because I am so awkward.
Has anyone else had a similar issue before?
Looking after yourself while you have a mental illness is priority. You seem to be doing this reasonably well however you arent spreading your wings to allow others a chance to become good friends.
You van google these
Topic: the labyrinth of friendships- beyondblue
Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue
Topic: how I eliminated anxiety- beyondblue
Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue
Most people have hangups. I had one to. I had to push through it. Good luck, repost anytime.