Break up with boyfriend of 8years

[LoveLost]

Hi all,

I guess by posting here I'm looking for some sort of comfort or support.. or advice as I am in a pretty bad way at the moment. 2 weeks ago my partner of 8 years and I broke up. We had broken up 2-3 times in the past and those times were terrible, and for some reason I felt like this final time would be easier, I was so wrong. It is so much worse as we have already tried so hard to make it work, broke up, had a final try and failed. So the point is that it was our 'last try'. We had many differences and problems but the main fact that we kept coming back together is that we really had grown a deep love for eachother and wanted to be around eachother, but unfortunately we just weren't a good match and just couldn't make it work.

My problem here is that we were so in love, and I don't know about him, but I still love him and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. It feels like life has been completely unfair in putting us together, we built such a bond and deep love but then we apparently are just not meant to be together. I dread the thought of being alone, I can't sleep, I wake up in tears after dreaming about him sleeping with other people (this scenario is SOO horrible)... And one thing i have never experienced before is these weird flashbacks I am having to things we have done together, places we've been, music we've liked, and it is traumatizing me. It happens in the middle of doing completely unrelated things. Even if I wanted to move on I couldn't and honestly, this is pretty much as dim as it has been for me in a long time. I just don't know what to do and so desperately want to go back to him, I miss him so much. The last times we came back together is because I thought "surely we can change things", and even now I am still thinking that way. I literally do not know what to do, and it hurts so intensely.

[Zeal]

Hi, welcome to the forum!

I’m sorry to hear about your breakup and current situation. 8 years is a long time, so you will take a while to “get over” your boyfriend. I haven’t personally had a breakup like this, but my best friend did a few years ago. She was deeply in love with her boyfriend, and I was surprised when they broke up. She struggled to move forward, and eventually decided to see a counsellor. She told me this really helped her deal with the grief and sadness, and all the other thoughts and emotions surrounding the breakup.

Try not to be too hard on yourself about not moving on as fast as you’d like. Long and intense relationships tend to take longer to get over, and deal with emotionally.  Do you have a close family member or friend you can also talk to about how you’re feeling? I think if I was in this situation I would talk to my Mum or my best friend, but it’s different for every person.

Also, refraining from frequent social media use is a good idea, unless of course you are talking online to friends, which can be helpful. People who are emotional tend to “vent” on face book (doing so on chat is generally okay), and almost temporarily forgetting how public face book walls are. I say this only because I have seen it happen countless times. Also, if you see your ex-boyfriend’s comments and activities on face book, this may make it harder to distance yourself from him while you are recovering from the breakup.

These are just suggestions. Do what you feel is right for you.

I hope you are able to find relief from what you’re going through. Feel free to post again 🙂   

Best wishes,

SM

[Linda1818]

Hi, I have the same situation, we broke the same day as you. Please post your updates. I cant stand this flashbacks as well. they are all haunting me. I feel very lost and afraid of not being able to forget him at all. what he did for me and how he made me feel was priceless. I was suffering from trauma from the past issues, jealousy and distrust and projected everything onto him. now he packed his clothes and removed himself from my life. I cant deal with the pain I inflicted upon him. it is so hurtful to know how much I hurt the closes person I had. I am now completely on my own and wondering if there any support group at all?

I feel numbness all the time.. and stopped sleeping..