I dont know who to talk to. My husband has had a porn addiction since before we met, found out 2 years in and at first he couldn't see the issue, but then he could see that not only was it hurting our relationship, it was actually destroying him too. Its now been nearly 7 years of being together, he keeps trying to quit but won't seek proffesional help, and I have been graceful, I have been a support to him, I have tried to understand the best I can even though it hurts so much. But the lies have undone me now, we have just had our first baby, and during pregnancy he relapsed and I only found out just before she was born. We tried again, and he kept failing at his attempts, so we set up blockers on his phone and he said he felt better knowing he couldnt access it, but his urges still remained (i didnt expect it to fully fix him, I know its a deeper rooted issue). Now he has lied to my face about doing well, he hasnt been using his computer since baby is here because he is a gamer and hasn't had time between bub and work. Last night I had a weird feeling that he was looking at something and I asked him about it, he lied to my face and promised me he wasnt. Today I felt the urge to check the cameras and not only did he lie last night, hes done it every time he has used his computer (3-4 times) in the last month or so... He says he wanted to tell me, he says he wants to stop but he doesnt. I am at my wits end, I have given him grace, room to try and support when he loses the battle, but I cant do the lies anymore and if he wont seek outside help, I cant see a way that this gets any better. He wrote me a message (struggles to talk) and said he has been struggling, that he wishes sometimes it wasnt bad to look at it and that hes sorry and he is going to get help. But I just cant trust him anymore, and this whole thing is damaging our family. He struggles with intimacy because of this, he hides things, he virtually cheated on me because he found a chat room that wasnt blocked one day, and I stayed.. But today has thrown me for 6. I am physically impacted by this now, I feel sick, I feel alone and I feel unsafe in our relationship. We are Christians and I am desperately looking for some sort of faith based therapy that can accommodate both of us individually and together... but I can't find much where I am.. I need help to deal with this, I can't keep doing it alone.
Thanks for reading if you stayed this long..
