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Being accused of having an affair

Community Member

I have been with my partner for 19 years the last few months he has been very obsessive he has been going through my phone , demanding that I text him when I finish work and again I need to text when I get home he has been calling me at random times to see what I’m doing when I’m at work - I have not done anything or been with anyone since we have been together I just don’t understand why he accuses me of having a affair and he tells me he is feeling insecure but I’m tired of defending myself for things I have never done.

6 Replies 6

Community Member

Sometimes spouses that are having the affair accuse there partner of being unfaithful.

It's just a thought.

Best regards

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Andthen8

Thank you for taking the time and having the courage to post with us

From what you have posted 19 years is a long time to have a partner who is only recently requesting your movements and checking on you

Can I ask if your partner has been going through any stress or job difficulties in the last few months (or lack of sleep) ? Just so we can provide you with more effective support:-)

The forums are a Safe and non judgemental place for you to post Andthen8. Your privacy and well being are paramount to Beyond Blue and the forums

I hope you can post back when its convenient for you

my kind thoughts


My partner has worked away from home for the last few years, we have been through a tough time with our eldest child this year and I wonted my partner to leave his job and come home so he did but 2 months later he decided that he didn’t like the job he had at my home and moved away again, the job he took when he left was a better pay and more responsiblity job but he did leave me and the kids again 🙄 he started to get more controlling not long after he left and when he came home he barely slept , my partner has always been a little controlling but never like this

Thank You for your reply,

that is something my mum had always said 😏

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Andthen, thanks for posting your comment.

When we feel anxious or angry, we're certain there's a legitimate reason and if there has been any disagreement between the two of you about a person who always favours one of you when you always meet, that can cause tension, especially if you have had an argument beforehand.

If this has happened on a continual basis then your partner is only going to think that something maybe happening if you're on the phone for a long time, late home regularly or not hungry after work, so the belief is you're having an affair.

What they forget is that you will feel upset without your spouse intending that outcome and when their mind has fear, everything is in black and white, there's no between.

Take care.


Community Champion
Community Champion


welcome to the forum.

I can understand how controlling, draining and tiring having every move you make can be.

I was once exhausted by being accused of being unfaithful, which I wasn't, but the pressure of having to defend every phone call and every second of the day, becomes so overwhelming that one feels so controlled and in the end you start second guessing your own memory.

As others have mentioned what is happening in his life may be the key to his behaviour.

Has something changed in the last few months , something happened to make him feel insecure.

I hope you are looking after your own health.

Do you think your husband would agree to go to see a relationship counsellor with you. ?