Female, it will be our 6th year wedding anniversary this year. I suffer from anxiety and take meds for it.
Im not happy I feel like something isnt right. I'm getting more confident at doing normal things, dropping my son off to school, hanging out with friends. I get anxiety driving but i feel like ive been getting better with that too. on the other hand Im having mixed feelings about my husband. It started when we had friends come visit us during the new years. and i was crushing super hard for one of them. it went away when I gave him a hug on the day he left but it left me feeling very confused. those feelings did subside though.
I had sex with my husband thinking about a female friend sexually. afterwards i was in tears in the shower with my husband saying im gay. it made me feel happy saying it out loud, but i was still unsure about the statement, as at games night i felt an attraction for one of the guys there as well.
after outburst my husband hung out with my friends gf . I was jealous. its been so many years since he did anything like that with me. we have 2 kids (5 & 2) so understand why not but its still hard to swallow.
ever since then it felt like something clicked inside. I dont want to be in this relationship. i feel repulsed by sex and I have a hard time reciprocating intimacy. its going to get to a point where i'll have to say something.
im sick now with a cold. I've had it for about 5 days now.
Ive tried piece by piece over the years to bring up issues with him. i told him I was jealous. were going to spend valentines day together
I feel it necessary to try. when im alone and have no one to talk to and thoughts of ive had enough, i want to move out and make my own life are at their strongest.
but then he'll come through the door after work and give me a hug and then i feel guilty and sad about having these thoughts and then for 2 seconds when he's telling me about his day I feel like everything could be fine.
talking here and writing it all out helps too. if anything else, thank you.
