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Anxiety over husband coming home...

Julie_81
Community Member

I have been with my husband for 20 years and we have two children together. He has always been volatile and has mood swings, suffers from PTSD ect. I have always been the forgiving, placating one that says sorry and wants to stop the arguments and his sometimes silent treatment. Lately after all this time of good and bad, ups and downs I feel that I can't do it anymore. I get extreme anxiety when he comes home from work, I work later myself so I don't have to come home. When I hear his car coming up the driveway I feel scared, I don't know what mood he will be in. I have to stop being myself and start pretending. I am walking on eggshells when around him and often say the wrong thing, which causes him to get angry. He has let me know that he will be having a day off and instead of being happy for him I feel angry as he has ruined my plans that I have made with my work, I will have to postpone them because he gets angry if I have something to do when he is free.

I feel that I am slipping into depression, can't cope and overeating is my way of coping. I am overweight, which just gives him another way to put me down.

I know that I am not perfect and I am sure that he has just as many complaints about me but I just don't know what to do. I am powerless as I don't want to talk to him about how I feel, don't want to have a marriage breakdown, put my children through hell... I am just stuck

He works hard and I do love him but it is not right that I am feeling this way. All I want to do is sleep and do my own thing, the less I interact with others the better as I feel I am a failure and just don't want to get into an argument with him.

Any advice would be appreciated, thankyou

10 Replies 10

 Hi TiredKeepTrying

It doesn't need to be the end of your marriage. Everyone has a slight different story, I would have stuck it out for my daughters sake at the time but he ended it when he returned to an old girlfriend and that ended it for me.  I became a single parent at the age of 37 when my daughter was 4 months old. We eventually had shared custody. We became just friends only when that relationship he left me for ended three years later. Looking back, I would not have tolerated to continue walking on egg shells when he was around me. He is still single, after 25 years. My interest is for you to start plan/goal to ignore the green buttons that your hubby presses as he knows you will react. That's lesson 1, don't fall for it. He may soon give up. Number 2 is to find your true inner self and the person you want to be, example getting back to your desired weight you had before the two children arrived. Your hubby may even become a little jealous, he may become insecure that he may lose you. There are great stories of women who get back their life when they have lost the kilos. I never want to be size 20 again. I had always been a size 14 until I had my daughter becoming suddenly a single mum. I recommend Relationship Australia who can help you along the way. If it can save you and your marriage as it is hard going alone unless there is domestic violence, women should not tolerate such a relationship and should leave immediately. Once love is gone in the marriage, it too can be a lonely place. Thank you for your replies. I hope my support inspires you to change a gear up and focus on your well-being.