The warmest of welcomes to you at a time in your life that is challenging you in so many ways.
While I like to imagine there are many different and unique facets that go toward making up the whole of who we are, the intolerant facet would have to be one of the most interesting ones. From my own experience, the more I tried so hard to tolerate other people's behaviour over the years, the more I struggled with this part of me.
I discovered the intolerant part of me to be born out of anger or fury and suppression. If I gave this part of myself a voice, I imagine it saying to the suppressing people pleaser in me something a long the lines of 'Get out of my way, I've had enough of this person' (the kind of person who's degrading, dismissive, self-entitled, depressing, soul destroying etc). I believe the intolerant part of us can often be the most upstanding part of us. It will not only lead us to stand up for ourself, it can also lead us to stand up for others who are trying so hard to tolerate what they shouldn't have to tolerate.
The intolerant part of us can be the part that leads us through questioning
- 'Why are you tolerating this person's behaviour?'
- 'Why do you not feel entitled to stand up for yourself?'
- 'How much more of this are you willing to take?'
and stuff along those lines. They're all good questions. While 'I don't know' can be the answer we may automatically give to each and everyone of those questions, they're questions that actually need thoughtful and revealing answers. Perhaps 1. I don't want to upset anyone, 2. I don't have the confidence and 3. I don't think I can take much more of this.
If we do have many different facets to us that come to serve us at different times and under different circumstances, perhaps one of the greater challenges involves permitting this upstanding part of ourself to come to life and then managing the people pleaser in us after we've expressed our intolerance. While we could say to someone 'I can and will no longer tolerate being criticised and degraded by you', once the people pleaser in us comes back into play, it may question 'What have you done? How could you have said such a thing? You need to apologise for having upset/displeased that person'. If we tap into our inner sage, it may be inclined to stop the people pleaser in us, through the words 'Never apologise for having finally set a boundary for that person'. Personally, the way I manage the intolerant part of myself is through having the wiser part of me keep the reigns on it. The voice of wisdom will occasionally chime in with 'Choose your words wisely. Words have the power to burn bridges when it comes to relationships'. Btw, before I got used to allowing the intolerant part of me to guide me in constructive ways, I used to feel incredibly anxious. The more I came to rely on this part of myself, the more I came to realise that increased level of energy that I can feel running through me is the work up to courage. If courage comes from the heart, a place of self love, I like to imagine this is the reason I can feel my heart racing when I'm being challenged to speak my truth. ❤️
