If one or both partner have any mental or lets say emotional issues I believe in my experience, anger and frustration climbs to breaking point then the downward spiral begins.
Add to this typical pressures of modern living. Total commitment might be well intended but is it enough for the long term? What is required to endure the yelling, the silence and disappointment.
Prevention far outweighs cure. Putting strategies in place, planning by rules for when these events arrive is far more wise than hoping events dont come around.
Defusing an arguement within the first 30 seconds my wife found was her best idea. As soon as I'd begin to raise my voice she knew she had to work quickly to snuff out the spark before the fire began. She also recognized a combination of shaking my head left to right and being silent was a good indicator of the pending vulcano.
We cant dismiss the direct approach.."I'm getting frustrated with this conversation" can lead to (from the other party) " I'm sorry, I didnt mean for you to get upset, we're only talking". And in those situations skin contact can make a world of difference, sadly I've seen couples argue at a distance without much chance of such contact when the moment could be seized.
My wife and I sit close enough on our lounge chairs with a small coffee table between us. Close enough to reach over and hold hands. This can occur if abrasive words are said. We agreed if a hand is held, the matter is resolved...no more ramblings. It also happens when I see her upset commonly when animals are hurt on TV. Of all the basic things one can have in a relationship to keep the bond alive that set up is on par with hugs and favours, flowers and any consideration.
Some refuse counseling. A trained counselor can ask a simple question to make you realise you are being unreasonable. Eg past partner of mine was frustrated I had a hobby (model planes) that I enjoyed a few hours every second evening. But she didnt have any interest of her own. The counselor asked her "and whats your passion" to which she had no reply but it made her realise it wasnt my passion that was the issue, it was that she didnt have one of her own.
But as for arguement resolution 7 years ago my wife and I came up with a plan of our own when anger was well under way. It has worked for us on every occasion a full blown arguement has come about. It is detailed in the following thread. Simply google it.
Topic: relatiionshop strife?- the peace pipe- beyondblue
Tony WK
