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9 year anniversary is coming up but I have strong feelings for someone else

Community Member

I'm in a long term relationship and engaged since 2020. She is also my first girlfriend.

However, I started having feelings for someone that I met before my partner since April 2021.

I had expressed my "problem" in October 2021, however, my partner was not very supportive and said that it is my fault that my feelings have changed. I attempted to break up 3 times since then, they were all unsuccessful.

Since the start of the year, we have been going to counseulling, but I have not expressed how I truly feel about this other person as she told me I like her as a friend. I believe she is in denial.

After 1 session together abd 1 session individually each, I feel as if she has changed the way she responds to our problems, she has become more understanding but I am still having issues with my feelings for this other girl.

My counseuler suggested that I cut off this other girl and I did. It has been 2 months since we have spoken properly/met up, I still thinkg/dream of her.

I burst out in tears maybe twice a week, thinking, I have always been in charge of my life in terms of work and relationships with others, but I am not right now. It kills me inside that I am not doing anything about it and I have told myself I need to do it, but nothing ever gets done.

Everytime I think of what I want to do, I worry about my partner more than myself. I have never dealth with my feelings in the past and now I am, I do not know how to take care of myself.

I feel so lost. I have no interest in going out, catching up with friends, work. I want to do nothing on a daily basis and hoping this pain will just go away.

What do I do....

20 Replies 20

Hi Croix,

What you have said pretty much summarizes how I feel currently.

The biggest challenge for me right now is to put my foot down and say I am done. I have attempted previuosly but all failed.

I have ruled out the other person in my situation as I think this will benefit not only myself but my situation, really thinking about how it is done right.

Procrastination is probably the best word to describe me right now.

My partner and I are still together, we are trying to spend as much time together and talk things out, but again, my heart tells me otherwise.

I really need to do something about it, but it is so hard.