worried for bro

[kitsuwn]

Hi, 2015 my mama, myself and my two older twin bros moved to Australia from Russia better life. I wont use his real name here, so I will call him Twin 2, has suffered for many years with very bad mental health. Both he and I were abused as kids by an old friend of our mama. I don't remember the abuse very well as I was only a toddler, but Twin 2 was 8 years and has been very hurt by it for his life. He was diagnosed with PTSD, depression and BPD in around 2013 after a involuntary hospital stay from trying to take his life & self harm. He has very close bond with his bro (Twin 1) and for the most part they are inseparable. We all get along well, maybe we are not as close with our mama as most seem, but she is there and does try to help. She doesn't speak english well so a Rus/Aus community that we are apart of helps her out.

This year has been very hard as w/ the war we have worried for our extended family living in Russia, and all of this has not helped with my big bros mental health. These past months he started to harm himself again and has gotten even more clingy than he was before. He is always very scared of losing us and always accuses us of trying to abandon him. He says he don't blame us if we do, but that he can't handle the thought and that he will end his life. We did see a therapist with headspace some years ago, but because he is 25, they no longer provide him with support. We have tried as much as we can to look after him, but it is hard on Twin 1's mental health with the constant fear that when he goes to work that Twin 2 might hurt himself, as neither of us can watch him all the time. He has never had a jobvdue to his health. He spends his days laying around smoking, drinking, but he does try to help out around the house when he can. When he was put in hospital in 2013 he came out more scared then when he went in, so he is very scared and wary of talking to drs about his problems as he worry he will be admitted again. We think here in Australia that the mental system must be better than it is back home, but he is still very scared. We want him to get better and become a functioning Australian as we are very grateful to live here and there are so many more opportunities for him, but he can't leave the house without having a panic attack. Last year we adopted a kitty cat for him and she has helped him, especially for when Twin 1 isn't home to be with him, but we just need to see more progress. help is appreciated and thankyou.

[Bob_22]

Hi Kitsuwn,

Welcome to the forums and thank you so much for sharing your story! It is very brave and kind of you to reach out for your brother here. I'm sorry to hear about everything that is going on for your family especially with the war overseas. I can't imagine how things must be for you at the moment.

I can understand your brother's fear of being admitted to hospital as it can be quite a foreign/scary environment. It sounds like he got some benefit from going to headspace which is great. I was wondering, have you considered going to the GP and asking for a referral to a psychologist under the Better Access Scheme. You can find more info here. Basically, similar to headspace, your doctor can refer you to a psychologist where 12 sessions can be rebated by medicare. All you simply need to do is do a mental health care plan with your GP which is very quick and easy. This is what I did when I was referred to my current psychologist. 

Alternatively, there are services which are similar to headspace specifically for adults such as Likemind. I used to work with Likemind but unfortunately they are only local to NSW at the moment. There are also online services such as the one provided by Beyond blue which can be accessed 24/7 over the phone or through webchat. You can find more info about it here. 

I wish I could help more but I'm not very savvy with finding services. Let me know if you need further help but be sure to contact the beyond blue link (or click "immediate support") in the top right hand corner if there is a crisis or if you or your brother need to chat to someone. Please keep us updated, I would love to hear more from you and I hope you feel supported on the forums. Welcome to the community again! 💙

Bob

[Summer Rose]

Hi kitsuwn

I am very sorry for the trauma your brother has experienced, leading to mental health issues, and thankful that your mental health and life has not been similarly affected. Please know that you and your family are doing an amazing job to help your brother.  It's hard enough just to re-establish your lives in a new country never mind care for someone with serious health issues.  You should be very proud of all that you have achieved.

I think Bob has given you some great leads on how to find help and support for your brother.  I just want to add that it's important for you and the other members of your family to take really good care and seek support for yourselves, if required. 

You see, I also care for a loved one with a serious chronic mental health condition and I know how tough it is on you and your family.  One thing I do is to take time (at least half an hour) to do something nice for myself everyday. 

When my GP first suggested it I baulked because I felt guilty for even thinking of myself.  But I tried it and over time realised that I had to look after myself in order to be a good carer for my loved one. I just "shut off" and go for a walk, call a friend or go out for coffee--but it's "me time" and I use it to recharge my batteries.

Another thing you can do is remind yourself that while people unfortunately fall ill, they also get better.  There is always hope for brighter days ahead.

And if you need professional support to figure out how to help your brother or you need support, please go and see your GP.  It is okay to tell your doctor what is happening at home and ask the doctor for strategies to use at home to help your brother.  I do this regularly and at times have had my own counsellor to help me learn about mental illness and deal with real issues in real time at home. 

Your brother is lucky to have you.  Hang in there my friend.

Kind thoughts to you