Two years and still struggling

[Bootsy92]

Hi,

There’s probably a lot to unpack here tbh, but the sum of it is basically 2 years ago my family and I were homeless. While living in temp accomodation, I walked in on my then partner of 12 years sexually assaulting our oldest child. I can’t go into too much detail with that because it’s still within the courts.

Since then, my children and I have finally gotten a home, but are constantly harassed and tormented by the ex and his family/friends who all support/encourage what he did to my child. I get ridiculed for supporting my child to make their police report, for my child being put through a medical examination that day. I have no idea what is in my child’s statement at all.

I have ASD, adhd and various other mental health, and my children have various disabilities. It’s a lot. Trying to support my child, I’m lost in that regard. They can’t talk to me about that day until I’ve testified in court, I can’t talk to them. They’ve already testified as a pre recording but the other party keeps pushing court back with his lawyer not being ready (despite having 2 years to get ready!).

literally today someone told me to go kill myself before they organise it to be done themselves. I don’t see the point in calling police and reporting it anymore, 2 years his family and friends have gotten away with this stuff directed towards me and my child despite an avo. My child spoke up and I got blasted on social media because they spoke up. I’m being accused of bullying a teenager(my child’s paternal cousin) who has literally physically assaulted my child. I have random people who are his friends putting stuff online and locally, I don’t want to move again and be homeless again, or move away from my entire family.

how do I go forward and keep supporting my child through their trauma when I don’t know how to keep going myself. I haven’t had any counselling yet for the day our life went to shit(still waiting on victims services and availability).

on top of my child’s trauma, I was also being financially and emotionally manipulated by the ex who was and is an extreme narcissist and stole thousands from me, pushed my family away even though I rely on them, hated that my former best friend and I were so close( his brother in law). He couldn’t handle that our children respected me over him and loved me more, and always tried to poison them against me. He would be physical with them all, over minor issues that could be dealt with by talking to the children.

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Sorry to hear all you and your kids are going through Bootsy. I haven’t been in a situation like this but I would think reporting any threats to the police is important. You may wish to seek legal advice (eg from a community legal centre) regarding whether your existing avo is sufficient and whether other things could also be put in place.
Would you consider deactivating social media until the court case is over to reduce unnecessary stress? If victim support services are taking too long re counseling, another option is private counseling. I have a mental health plan through a gp to make psychologist appointments more affordable. If you are feeling overwhelmed, the crisis lines can be helpful, like Lifeline and the Beyond Blue line. A domestic violence helpline might also be able to assist you. Sorry to hear what you are all going through. I hope it gets easier over time. It sounds like you are doing a good job supporting your kids through this difficult time

[Psychdiaries2]

Hi there, 

Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing about what you’re going through today. I’m sorry to hear about the tough time you and your family are having. You have done a tremendously brave thing by reaching out here for help. Kudos to you!

Although I’ve never been in your shoes, I would highly suggest to continue to report these issues to the police as they are quite serious.

For counselling, it would be highly beneficial to discuss these issues with a professional who is going to give you the support you need. I encourage you to continue to stay connected on the forums in the waiting period to get some support and hear from other people who are also struggling with similar situations. 

As for supporting your children in this difficult time, it sounds to me like you already are.  Encourage them in openly communicating with you in whatever they may be facing and listen non-judgementally. Honest, deep conversations are probably what you all need right now so try to make as much time for that as possible to not bottle up emotions. As for you, I hope you do something for yourself today. It could even be something small just to ensure you are also taking care of yourself. 

As for the issue on social media, it seems like it is very distressing. I would suggest to stay off of it as much as possible. Unfortunately, people can be so mean online hiding behind a screen. Nobody needs that negativity in their lives. 

Wishing you and your kids well and sending love your way. 

[indigo22]

Hi Bootsy92,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out to us.

There are so many things you are dealing with at present, I am not at all surprised that you are struggling.

Your ex partner and associates sound like they are all narcissists based on their behaviour. I can only imagine how difficult this whole ordeal has been for you. I understand how hard it must be to support your child through this when you cannot discuss the situation due to court rules. I am putting some information below for support for yourself and your child during this extremely difficult time. Please make use of these services as often as you need to, it is important for you and your child to be able to start working through the trauma you have both been through.

Kids Helpline - available 24/7 - up to 25years - 1800 55 1800

(they also have a webchat service if your child would prefer)

1800Respect - available 24/7 - dealing with domestic violence and assault - 1800 737 732

Both of these services are run by professionals so you will both be in safe hands. They may also be able to offer information on other services in your local area to help you during this time.

You don't need to go through this alone, professional help is available and you can chat with us any time you feel the need so please feel free to continue reaching out.

Thinking of you with care,

indigo 🌹