trouble after divulging to my parents **trigger warning - sexual abuse**

[b_abbey]

Hi there. Thanks for looking. I have a problem with my family since I divulged I was sexually abused by my brother when I was 10-12ys old. He is 5 years my senior. Another girl, who lived near us growing up - came forward & said she was abused by him, & when my parents told me she came forward - I took the opportunity to say "me too". At first I thought the response was quite good. My mother said "I'm sorry that happened to you" and my father was absolutely mortified. As time has moved on (3 years since I told them) I have tried to broach the subject & these comments were the responses (yes - I practically remember word for word):

(1) This is very embarrassing for the family, please don't tell anyone

(2) let's bury this in the back yard shall we?

(2) we think you might have "false memories"

(3) you are torturing us. You didn't tell us - so whose fault is that?! We would have done something if you had of told us! (angry tone)

(4) & finally, just a couple of months ago "just get over it!!" in a very hostile tone - both of them said it twice & then they hung up on me, so we haven't spoken since

So I bought it up with them those 4 times in the last 3 years. Obviously they are finding it difficult to handle. I was hoping they would help me heal - yet it's not going as planned!

Was I expecting too much? I feel like I want to cut ties because perhaps they care more about their reputation, than their child's wellbeing, and then I consider well - I have damaged their wellbeing. And then I consider - only one person is at fault here, which is NOT me! I do wish I had never told them now. I do feel -not speaking up- is not exactly the best course of action either - and I'm worried he has done this to more survivors.

I feel they are blaming me, or they just don't want to know. It doesn't help that the abuser is now a dr & he was the golden child, and he lives close to them & is in their ear suggesting this "false memory syndrome"

They don't believe he abused the other girl in my street - so that's 2 of us they say they don't believe? On another occasion he was caught peering through a window at myself and another kid when we were in the bath when we were in 5th class. But I have no idea if he got into trouble for that or not - I think my mother just didn't tell my father 😞

Any advice? thanks for listening

[b_abbey]

Thank again EM. You made me laugh - some great points!

Thats awesome about the reduced PTSD with exposure therapy. I might look into that, although I feel- like you -it has less emotional impact on me now. At the moment I am trying to strategise re this ADHD - which is really 'out there' lol, but looking at the positives as well.

Wow your children have found something they know... for their careers 🙂 Think my girl is interested in forensic science.

Yep so much to understand about abusers. Primarily the abuser but also their enablers . I sometimes think my mum is a little narcissistic but not full blown. She's definitely ignorant when it comes to sexual abuse, that's for sure!!

Becky ❤️

[Tom R]

Hello b.abbey,

My apologies for the long delay in replying to you....it's been some weeks since I've been on the boards here (which I'll explain elsewhere). I'm conscious that it's been over a month since this thread began, how are things going for you? I'm also conscious that as we near Christmas, typically involving time spent with family for many, some strong feelings may arise. It can also be a difficult time with weighing up of obligatory requirements or expectations versus a possible diminishing capacity to manage being around family for prolonged periods. Being around them at all can be taxing, even in the minutest of engagements. Wherever you are on this spectrum, please know that you are not alone, we're here for you, even simply to hear and witness ranting. Go well and gently. T.