Hi,
I don’t even know why I am posting here, I guess I am just at a loss on what to do and how to start trying to pick myself back up again.
my ex broke up with me two weeks ago. He did it in such a way that he blocked me and completely cut me off, refusing to talk to me. We went from discussing what movie we were going to see to him screaming down the phone that I am fat and ugly, and that he doesn’t want me anymore. I went to his house to talk to him and to try and get my things back, and he told me that I was stalking him when that wasn’t my intention at all. I just was so confused I didn’t know what I had done wrong, and just wanted my stuff back and to make sure he was alright. It was so out of the blue. He trash talked me to mutual friends, and called me so many names, he has called me a wh*re and a sl*t amongst other things because I have kids to different fathers - all out of long term relationships, but it has made me feel really awful. The same day he broke up with me I found out that my contract was expiring and the business can’t afford to keep me on so I am essentially jobless in three weeks and struggling to find another contract. I feel so overwhelmed and stressed, and the break up itself put me into a major depressive episode where I’ve just stayed in bed and cried for about a week and a half. I had only just begun to pull myself out of it when he got back in touch around concert tickets we had that we were going to go see together. We decided to go together, and had a nice time. Since then I have spoken to him briefly over the phone every day for ten minutes. He refuses to give me any more of his time claiming he is busy with work and that he doesn’t know what he wants, after giving me the impression that we could work things out. When I said okay I need to walk away and let you go, because it isn’t fair for me he then didn’t want me to do that either.
I have a lot of past trauma from DV previously, and I feel like this entire experience has triggered me. Any advice on how to let go and move on, and pull myself out of this major depressive episode? I’m so tired of feeling tired and lost.
