New to BB (trigger warning: sexual abuse)

[NAG]

Hi to all, new to BB and any type of forum... so much noise inside but no words to put to it that make sense...hard to get outside help if you can't put it into words.

[james1]

Hi NAG,

Welcome to the forums. It's okay to not know what to write. I think I read the moderators once say that the majority of people who use the forums are actually readers and not writers.

You're doing a really brave thing by posting here.

I like to think of mental illness as being a very personal journey and we can never really understand it without understanding the person's experiences. Perhaps that's a good place for you to start, if you feel like talking about it.

To give you a little bit of my story, I'm a 25 year old male who grew up in the city. I've always been an overachiever and am never satisfied with what I've done - thinking which probably developed from my parents' pressure on me. I had a break up in May last year which made me feel really upset and distressed, often for no reason. Those thoughts got more serious and I started seeing a psychologist but then landed in hospital anyway.

That said, getting help was probably the best thing I did because it opened my eyes to a lot of unhealthy thinking and behaviours I do which I had never really thought about.

If you don't mind me asking, have you ever spoken to a GP or someone else about your thoughts and feelings? It can often be hard when we don't know what to say.

James

[Zeal]

Hi NAG,

Welcome! I'm glad James has already given you helpful advice.

Jotting down words and thoughts in a notepad is helpful. Start small, as an all-or-nothing approach is hard on anyone. Do you think seeing a doctor or other professional would be more manageable if you had some things written down to discuss?

Keep posting here if you feel comfortable to 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

[VekiJ123]

Hi NAG,

I'm new to BB too, I actually just joined a couple minutes ago...

I don't exactly know what to say because I don't understand how these forums work even though I read the rules and stuff, but I can say that I know how it feels to want to get help but not knowing how to put it into words.

I'm the type of person that tends to smile and act like I don't care on the outside, when really, inside, I'm just a broken girl with no words to express her feelings...

But don't give up though, you're really brave for putting up this forum and I highly commend you for getting something out there.

Again, I'm not good with words, but I really hope that whatever is going on that may be troubling you in your life, that it will soon cease and that things will get better. This may not mean anything to you, but nonetheless, my prayers are with you.

Hugs, Revekah

[NAG]

James,

i have tried to get outside help but with all the issues I have it seems to overwhelm even the counsellors, gp's and psychologist's.. unlike you I'm not an over achiever but have had my fair share of parental pressure to be who/what they expect.. I have a drum inside that beats its own and I just don't fit into their box but I just smile and say all good . My story well here goes.. born and abandoned, then adopted by my parents who are great people but hard to fit in when you live with strangers. First ever relationship I was a punching bag for 3 years. Raises a child on my own met a man he was another not good choice anusive, had 3 more children and worked like a dog as he wouldn't. Life travels forward had some health issues .. forward again living alone raising 3 kids happy for the first time in 41 years as in happy inside. Met a man who just got me with all the crazy in my head he had is own crazy didn't matter then life went upside down... we had a six person home invasion from people of his past.. them same week police told me that a person who is a peadaphile had pictures and videos of my daughter and was in jail but they think as he was still stalking her had molested her two day later when my partner and I were having a talk with her she was sexually assaulted but not by this man by her own father.. huge week .. in between all of this my partner was in family court about children custody issues, by now our home is trashed and so is our life we lost our home our business and he has tried to take his life twice already. 3rd time my partner tried he ended up in hospital we had decided to move and make a fresh start, I moved us sold all my possessions to do so he came home and life was tough stressful but felt like there was hope 14 days into our new life he left the house to get an avocado for lunch and never came back 3 days later he was found .. now it just 12 months gone and I've spent 12 months dealing with court issues from all of the above, still not there it never ends this recoil and backlash just keeps going. My children are destroyed and I can't help them because I can't stop the noise long enough to make a sound.. I drink drink lots and fuction like that is all I can do because that makes the guilt hush.. and then I strap on a smile .

[james1]

Hey NAG,

There's been so much bad that's happened in your life, I really don't know what to say. A hug perhaps, to remind you that we are listening.

When I strap on a smile, all I want is for someone to just tell me, "you don't need to smile because I can see that something is wrong." But no one ever does.

You put on such a brave face and you keep picking yourself up after all these tragic events that have happened - it's no wonder you're exhausted and don't feel like there's nothing you can really say. I imagine you've only given us a hint of what it's really like to be inside your head when the noises start, and there's so much more that you don't feel like you can really even start to describe.

I don't want to push you because you sound exhausted, but do you mind if I ask what brought you here to these forums?

I am not sure what you mean by all your issues overwhelmed your previous help, but I think that just means they were not well trained to cope. But there are people out there who are very good at dealing with, perhaps not the same things, but similar things as what you've been through. And you've been through a lot. Have you found anyone who has been understanding? I really believe you have the desire and will to find someone who understands and can help you, because it is so extraordinarily hard to cope with these things on your own. Hence the drinking, just to be able to make the noises go silent.

Thanks for sharing your story.

James

[NAG]

James

my deceased partner bought me to beyond blue I was in one of my frenzies at 4 am am I guess just looking for something to quiet my head and I found brochures that he had and written all over just lots of his crazy stuff and I just thought we'll try something !! And your right their is soooo much in my head but the noise is a roar all the time I drink so it becomes a low hum!! Thanks but I'm all on my own to sort it out have a situation of you made your bed etc...

[NAG]

Hi all ,

i posted on here to make sense out of constant noise I now realise I have absolutely no reason to write you all deserve the best of the best, thought it would help to ask for help we all get that asking is the absolute last resort I think I'll take this back internally.... I wish you all love and hope !!

[james1]

Hey NAG,

I'm sorry to hear you'll be taking a break but the noise is still continuing.

I am not sure what has happened recently, but I just wanted to let you know that we'd all love for you to come back if you ever feel upset.

Please also remember there are other support structures including BeyondBlue's online chat, the helpline 1300 22 4636 and Lifeline as well on 13 11 14.

All the best

James

[Doolhof]

Hi NAG,

I hope you are still hanging around in the background so to speak. James has offered some phone numbers for you to call. I hope you see his post and make use of those numbers.

I can not begin to imagine the hell you have lived through. I just want you to know that people do care about how you are feeling.

It can be very difficult to disclose all that you have. I'm not sure if you are feeling a little vulnerable since writing all you have done. It is okay to share here. This is a safe place to let it out.

Hope you are okay, from Dools