new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[Guest_498]

Sleepy: "I also had a girl who wanted to be my friend....like by any and all means possible. Had never had a friend before. Problem was she didn't care at all about me and was genuinely quite nasty".

My sister is like that. I lived with it my whole life. They're usually two-faced, deceiving and nasty, yes. It is always about them, what they want, and how to get it. It's never about you or your feelings, ever. They would act nice when they want something (butter wouldn't melt in their mouths). You were quick enough to pick up on this and shunned away, clever girl. Some ppl are so good at deceiving that others will not pick it up. I tend to, only because I lived with it and have loads of experience with these type of ppl.

[ecomama]

Hi peeps

What's the news for Victoria?

Been surprisingly busy today. Had nice call with BF (it's his Sat night) and while I was on the phone my brother and s-i-l dropped by. WHAT a surprise... I'd only just finished saying to bf "well I've finally given up on brother"... AND he didn't want anything... I think. maybe on reflection it was a bit weird... s-i-l wanted to see my "new" kitchen appliances (weird lol) and they were installed months ago.
Then went to shopping centre with Yvette for new school shoes and she's Miss Moneybags lol so she bought 2 bottles of not cheap perfume - good on her really. She has work till midnight soon.

One son is home with his gf (not the prodigal son lol another one). The rest are already at work.
I'm making this gfs favourite meal for dinner lol - nachos with guacamole.
THIS son and his gf are straighty 180s and right down the line. They save money like nothing else lol but have good cars they own and are still at school. They work lots and study lots too.
This gf has songs on Spotify, she's a lovely singer.
We're all going to her Semi Finals for soccer next weekend for the first time.
I told her we're wearing "GO (gf NAME)!" on t-shirts lol! You never know with us, we just may do that!

Kids are changing shifts for it and the ACs may even come... they'll NEED a stadium for our family! But the take away may have to close lol... just joking. Hope they cope.

It might be good timing too if "the family" are coming to raid our furniture lol.

Yvette suggested prodigal son sell his car. Mmm. I'm sure he's overwhelmed atm. Can't see the forest for the trees.

I started a post early this morning answering your questions but it disappeared in my absence, darn it.

Hope the news was GREAT for my Victorian Musketeers!

Love EM

[Guest_498]

Hey Ems,

The Victorian announcement I posted early this morning. If you flick back a page, my post should be there. Dan has eased some restrictions, however as expected, it was only minimal. So, in brief, looks like we have another 2 weeks of this, but might change next Sunday should he decide, based on low numbers, to bring the opening of businesses forward.

[Guest_1643]

hi EM

Sounds like you've had such nice time to just connect with ur family and ur bf over the weekend, and its been busy in a good way 🙂 Lol raid your furniture - apt!
That's nice your brother and sil came by, that must've been lovely. Good time to exhale over this crazy time

[Guest_1643]

Hi Blubs.... amazing that you exactly the type of perosality I am talking about.
This girl was absolutely horrible to me durig my whole stay.

sorry you can recognise it from your sister - --- yes it is hard to recognise!!! Sweet as sugar, innocent, just like a little deer who doesn't know a from z, but really it's all manipulation.
I looked up the silver fox and he's a little bit cute! I can see what the fuss is about.!! What do you think of the news?

It's a bit better than I expected... even though still nothing much.
Did I read correctly that they're changing the 5 k rule to 25k?

Bit pointless.... I think a big problem is that these rules aren't really blanket and are so so confusing.
How are you enjoying your weekend blubes? It's a funny stage of lockdown. we are (sort of, not really) free!

[ecomama]

Bluberry said:

It's a North Face jacket day. And, silver-fox present @ the pressers too lol.

From 12.00pm tonight - Hairdressers to reopen OMG, yay!! been looking forward to this one; 5km limit extended to 25km; No time limit when leaving home; 10 ppl from two households allowed to gather outside; Tennis, golf & skateparks allowed as part of outdoor sports; Allied Health allowed to resume face-to-face care.

Retail & hospitality will have to wait until November 1st to reopen.

Blubes xx

OH GOT IT. Slowly slowly...

But great about h/dressers for you all.

About 2 weeks until hospitality opens... hold on. It must be so darned difficult for you all but hold on!

Love EM

[Guest_498]

Yeh, he's alright. A really decent bloke too, I think that's part of the appeal. Bretts a guinely nice man.
Yes tou did read right. Lol. I tend to do that aswell - sometimes ill read something and second guess myself or sometimes, simply misread. The 5km bubble been extended to 25km. What do I think of the news? I didn't think hairdressers wouldve opened until November. This is a bonus. Im not excited with announcement. Im tired of being locked down. We are still locked down, despite the absence of curfews because we're still restricted to 25km rule - our movements are restricted. And with no businesses still shut, theres realky no where to go anyway. I dislike wearing masks for the fact that it's a terrible cultural look on society. Just look at China. They've been wearing for years now due to pollution. Its horrible. Sadly, mask wearing is part of their culture. Dan has been steadfast from the begging and its paying off. We just need to stay the course and do the right thing. We want this over with.
Dan revealed @ presser today that there were more than the initial reported 17 NZlanders in Victoria, there are 55 new zealanders. Hmm makes you wonder doesnt it?
I hope all you lovely ladies & uncle Croix are enjoying your lazy Sunday. Lol. I vacuumed, cleaned downstairs powder room, dishes.
For some reason Im bit nervous about flatmate tmr. Hes moving in!! I don't know what to expect.

[ecomama]

Sleepy21 said:

Hey EM -
I'm wishing for good things for your son, sounds like he's still very happy and open to you and all the family, so the love and care is still in him. Happy for you that his bed is still at home and he knows he can come back... funny that your bf said he would only cope 2 months... i guess you will see. How does he talk about it? He sounds very sweet with his car and practise. Love you and feeling all your warm support over this time.

Atm I can see my son wants to open up ALOT more than he is. He heard all the things I said 9 days ago, LOUD & CLEAR lol. Now upon advice I'm not doing that anymore. He needs MORE love than ever before. Yesterday he disclosed some things about that family, both Yvette & I didn't react in the moment. Today we did to each other! WOAH.
It's an abusive r/ship - son with that family. They'll try to cut us out of son's life. Nothing will make me disappear so they've got zero chance of that lol.
Being non reactive will help him open up.

I also had a girl who wanted to be my friend....like by any and all means possible. Had never had a friend before. Problem was she didn't care at all about me and was genuinely quite nasty.

She had me hiding out bigtime. Eventually the new people came and I felt like I could just be me. After hiding for a few weeks lol. very true how much this effects mental health, just having people you click with.

Eww dodged one there Sleepy21! Follow your instincts all the way.

Thanks EM for caring so much and feeling so much for us in Vic. We'll all be watching tomorrow. I don't know who the silver fox is.... is there a handsome sidekick??? i've only watched one or two of the press releases and am a bit new to it all! buried my head under the sand for a lot of it.

Pleasure treasures!
Yah I don't watch the news anymore. It was really bad for anxiety for me. I just couldn't cope.

So it's ABC iView all the way lol!

HIGH FIVE!
Love EM

[Guest_498]

Thanks so much for your support through this. I have thanked you prior but thanking you again. Yeh, another 2 weeks, Ems. We have no choice but to hang in there.
Did you have a good time seeing your bro & sil? What do you believe is up? I mean you did say it was strange that sil wanted to see your appliances? That is strange after all this time?
Your children sounds much happier, Ems. Great to know.
Blubes

[Guest_1643]

amazing tat you and Yvette are on the same page re how to respond to your son. Amazing you work together. Amazing that you and your daughter can work together - that's so beautiful to read.
The news about hairdressers is pretty exciting although I'm having trouble getting in to one - they are all seeing their regulars first. I'm putting my name down on a few lists and trying to get a spot 🙂

Hi Blubs - i wanted to thank you for your posts and checking in with us all , it's so nice to have this support from you and EM throughout these lockdowns. I am also so confused sometimes I don't know what to think - you're so right that 25km is still a restriction - I think it's exhausting. People want to feel free to travel and we still have arbitary rules around this. But good riddance to 5k rule. Glad that's over.

Thanks EM for supporting us