new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[Guest_498]

Great bond you have there with Yvette. That's awesome. She sounds MUCH better, too. Are you switching from NBN & 5G network on your phone?? I'm doing that, its great. I think 5G is more efficient imo. This is where the Gov't got it wrong and far too slow to react - Telstra's killing it in that department. And, NOOO 5G did not fuelled coronavirus. Lol.

I'm doing ok Tay Tay. I hope you feel better today 🙂 What are you doing for self care?

Blubes

[ecomama]

Sleepy21 said:

Hey EM

I'm so impressed you can mend shoes yourself!!( maybe everyone knows this...? Cool nonetheless)

Souinds like ur doing an amazing job supporting Yvette.
How does it feel with everything looking shmick in the house? I did a bit myself here... I'm glad you're doing well and so busy. Hoping the kids are going great, too.

Gee thanks Sleepy!

Don't get too excited lol, it's only low level repairs on my shoes. I do take my faves to a boot repair person to do fancy repairs.
And I polished others and coated others in leather conditioner lol.
but if they're beyond repair then they're goneskis.

I have half the loungeroom to declutter yet. The WORST half lol!
Then alot of moving furniture around to do too.

How are you doing?

I'm off to the dental spa in a minute lol. Dear me.

Love EM

[ecomama]

Hi Blubes

I have NO IDEA what my phone is doing lol... I can ask my kids lol.

I had lots of techie work done in my home during the shut down time, cost me thousands. Had repeaters or boosters put in to push the wifi out to all areas, since we were all working and studying from home AND out of home also. Crazy time.

Yvette and I get on well, esp considering she's a teenager lol, so we're debunking the myth that teens can never get on with their parents during this time.
I think it's more up to the parents to bend and not break.
Teens have enough on their plates!

The Counsellors and psychs are pretty impressed that she's being so honest with me about really hard topics for her. It's really sad for me to hear any time, but I want to hold her hand through this and beyond. Never let her think she has to do this alone.

How are you doing Blubes?

Yeah how are you going today Tay Tay?
And Blue?
And Grandy?

And I'm so sorry for being remiss and not responding to your kind post Lillylane!
I'll come back!

Off to the dental spa lol... cheeses... waterfalls and sweet nature landscapes abound on the TVs screens but it ISN'T what it seems!

Love EM

[Guest_4643]

Sorry for not being around. Hugs and love to everyone once again.

- Tayla

[ecomama]

Hey Blubes

YES we already have an L shaped lounge.
I can manipulate the "L" to whichever spot I like.

Plus a matching 2 seater so ummm, I'll work it out over the weekend if things go ok at the dentist on Sat.

I've decided to move the TV BACK to the proposed feature wall (will be when it's painted) but on an antique sideboard from p.son's room... for now.
If I like the room that way, I'll look at furniture for under it later, maybe MUCH later lol!

But my big antique desk and tech is also in this room. It will stay at the opposite end of the room near the balcony.

It's more about creating "zones" really.
I have yet ANOTHER antique side table that can go behind the lounge - maybe.

I just don't want to confuse the eye when walking into that room.

That antique sideboard might look better against the brick wall, I'll try different places.

I'm going out to a work do tonight. It'll be nice to be fed for free lol. No one's home tonight anyway, like most nights now, so it will be a nice change to have company.

How are you all doing today?

Love EM

[Guest_1643]

Hi all,
THe L shape lounge sounds really nice. think the idea of zones is very soothing - like entertanment zones, study zones... zones upon zones.

That'll be good to get the dentist out of the way on Sat also!

I slept a lot today during the day - I had a therapy session in the morning and I think it was just a lot. It's all a lot! But the therapist is pretty good. I always feel a bit odd after the sessions though. She's attentive which is not what I'm used to. I've also been watching tonnes of videos about narcissism for ... hm... entertainment and education? Trying to learn.

Good luck with the room set up sounds like it's a very spacious, soothing and healing room!!! The TV on the feature wall sounds so cute. I hvae my TV on the wall as well 🙂

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM,

Great work dealing with your dental health. I know it's a bit gruelling and time consuming, never mind costly (I have a whole saga of my own on that subject), but it's better for you to have it done. Heck of a step, getting started on it.

Sounds like you're doing great with Yvette, the more open the dialogue both ways the better.

Crumbs, there's so much going on in your house, I just can't get a picture in my head of any of the rooms. Well, I can, it's floor to ceiling antique side tables, haha.

We got a second hand table today for my breakfast bar idea, have set it up in the lounge/dining area. The kitchen is so much nicer without the kettle, toaster, coffee machine etc. in there, I have enough bench space to make a whole meal without shuffling bits over to the stovetop during prep. I always hated doing that.

Blue.

PS Hi to everyone else, hope you're all travelling okay.

[Guest_1643]

antique sideboards are really beautiful, the room sounds great

you've got all the details and the feature wall will be so fun. Sounds great!!

Blues, the breakfast table sounds great. Great to have the space back in the kitchen. it can be maddening not having space to prefer anything. I'm yet to master an organised kitchen.

[ecomama]

Hi Sleepy, Blue and all

Hugs to you!
I also slept alot after my psych session. I listened to Joe Dispenza meditations and just fell asleep.

It's good to sleep.

Doing heaps of research on different (damaging) personality types is VERY good for a person!
Esp those of us who've experienced so much grief and trauma from knowing them.
I did this for 2 solid years lol... it helped me A REAL LOT in dealing with same during Courts.

Yes my home is full of antiques lol... so many.
A marble topped one I feed the cat on in the kitchen lol!!! Oh yes, nothing but the best!

P.son AND his gf are planning on coming to stay for 2 nights this weekend. They've cancelled work shifts and everything. Son is feeling very anxious about it, no doubt gf is too! So I need to text them both about it. He assumed we were doing Alexa's birthday celebrations then but we're not... ooops... it's TODAY!
Restaurant tonight etc etc.
I'm getting a cake for gf anyway as a belated birthday celebration for her.
And making nachos, her favourite.

Oh dear my "dental program" may take 2 years!!! Oh yeah 2 years or even more. A lot to make up for there after many years of neglect and pure abuse I'd say lol.
Seems I have 2 appts lined up at all times atm. I have extras cover so it is expensive but about half as much really.

I'm planning to draw down super pretty soon. Not my happiest idea but a great compromise atm whilst my pay is much lower than usual.
Hopefully it can help support Yvette in all she needs for her MH support.
My dental program.
Other stuff.

Alexa's car broke down big time yesterday. Issues with no car there. She's hoping to borrow p.son's car he left here. Needs to see if it's registered and insured first lol!
He's on his Ls so can't drive it down there.

Better get to work lovely awesome peeps!!
It's a much cooler day here today thank goodness!!

Love you lots
EM

[Guest_4643]

Just popping in to say hello to everyone.