new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[ecomama]

Hey Blue and girls

Alexa sent me a pic from her work holiday today LOL!!!

It was her having her morning coffee with about 30 birds all around her and one resting on her FINGER!

She's gone up North with 3 members of a family (mum and 2 children) whom all have autism.
They're away for 4 days.

They've barely ever been on a holiday because it's just been too hard.
The dad has pretty deep depression and is a very sweet lovely man.
He needed a break and the mum needed help lol.

Each of the 3 have added issues with OCD, ODD, extreme anxiety, inability to socialise, or even go shopping or prepare meals etc.

But they've all improved SO MUCH since Alexa has been working with them and the kids LOVE her. omg it's so sweet.
The youngest child was non - verbal for all his life.

NOW HE IS TALKING to us all!

They even bought their very first pet now!

And so it is with these beautiful birds this morning lol.

Alexa will be exhausted when she gets home but they're all having a ball.

Just another birdy story for you lol.

Oh plus darling chicken spent the day in air con in the bathroom with our heatwave. Door open.
Yvette was home - again - lol... so the dogs and cat and darling chicken were happily looked after today.

Love EM

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Thanks, EM, you're a kind soul.

Wow, that ex of yours really did go to town, didn't he? Glad you and the kids are out of that situation now, though I know there will be lasting consequences for all of you. I guess these are the things that shape us, make us resilient, understanding and so on.

Cheers for the bird story, that got a smile out of me. Still pretty down and tired today - won't go into detail as I've already done a bit of that on my personal thread. That gives positive stories more value.

Glad decorating your lounge and planning the bungalow are giving you positive creative things to focus on. I'm afraid I don't quite have the energy to join in the design discussion today, but it's nice to see everyone's enthusiasm.

Blue.

[ecomama]

Dear Blue

What's your personal thread's name?

Sorry I haven't seen it!

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling low. Hope you can recuperate rapidly!

Oh our birds!
The cheeky ones walking over my feet on the weekend were lorikeets.
I don't feed THEM specifically but they sure do love picking out the sunflower seeds from my chooks food lol.

I used to plant sunflowers for them and the cockatoos, wow watching them perch on the huge sunflower stalk sideways and chew through it... then carry it over to a path, yes they did lol!
And then the flock gathered around in a circle to eat the fresh seeds...

SO beautiful!

They were so happy squawking away but they didn't fight over it, they probably knew there was another one there for tomorrow lol IDK.

So many bird and nature stories lol.

Love EM

[ecomama]

BUNGALOW Update lol! bungalow... BF thought that was funny I changed the name today.

BF wanted to clarify a few things like why there were no doors to the kitchen?

Bec I want an OPEN PLAN area.
He's old fashioned and thinks this is not a good idea.

But it's only a bungalow, not a huge house.

He wants a wall and 2 doors.
Nope.

I might change my mind later but I doubt it lol.

TWO huge parts to expenses bec it's a tax thing too.

BUILDING to lock up with bare essentials. This is only written off tax wise over 25 YEARS! Ugh!

BUT whatever we install AFTER renting it and getting an income is written off that year.
Install more then write off and so on.

I have to keep pulling BF back to "yes but we're installing that later on LIST B"... air con, water tanks, possibly solar panels but definitely any built ins and things like a dishwasher etc.
I'm thinking to put the large front porch on later in LIST B too.

ANYTHING I can put on LIST B will make me more money alot faster. ALOT faster.

I'm SO EXCITED that we've begun what I foresaw before ALL those Courts began.
Our cabin lol or upscaled to our bungalow lol.

Happy days.

Making dinner now and doing all the garbage bins etc for pick up tonight. SO FUN lol.

Love EM

[Guest_4643]

Hello ecomama.

I was browsing through the new threads section since I'm back after a long break on the forums, and I saw your post so I thought I'd say hello. I hope you're alright, I haven't yet read up on your thread/comments here, but I do care.

- Tayla.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM,

My thread is called Blue's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, and it's in the Long term support over the journey section. I've been around on the forums for a pretty long time.

Thanks, I hope that, too. It comes and goes, that's the way of depression, I guess.

The lorikeets sound pretty entertaining. They are lovely birds.

Nice work on the bungalow (and sticking to your guns about how you want it).

Blue.

[Guest_4643]

Hi Blue's Clue's, just wanted to say that I love your username. I used to love the show (and still do lol) Blues Clues when I was a kid, so it reminded me of that.

- Tayla.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Thanks Tayla. It's a cute little show, and is indeed where I got the name from. My nephews were nuts about it when they were little. Nice to meet you.

Blue.

[Guest_4643]

No worries, I thought your username must've come from that show. How adorable, and that's so cute with your nephews.

Nice to meet you also!

- Tayla

[ecomama]

Hi Tayla!

Thankyou for introducing yourself and saying HI!

HIIIIIII!

Oh my thread's content is revolting at times.

Fun at times too, especially since all the lovelies joined talking about the wonderful ways they are getting through.

Any times are absolutely fine to share here, whenever you want to.

I responded to your psych question on the Coping thru Covid thread.

Hope you're doing okay.

Love EM