new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[Jstar49]

Hi Em,

just a quick post to say that I’m keeping up with your news and loving your positive vibe. I have passed on your ‘thankyou’ tip to a friend- I like it!
I can imagine how distressing it must be to send p.son back down south when he obviously isn’t doing well there. Am glad he has such a strong loving family to ground him. a worry nonetheless.
I am going well, a fair bit of adjusting and small hurdles- some technical- to overcome, but basically good. We could do with some sunshine!

talk soon,

J*

[ecomama]

Hey J*, I LIKE the Thankyou tip too but it was from Brene Brown's podcast "Unlocking Us", not from me lol.

I'm glad your friend could use it! GREAT!

I told my C about it too & she's been suggesting it to some of her other clients. Happy days.

P.son's going back soon with a brand new laptop!
He's so freaking excited.
He feels he can get stuck into all the study he needs to do to catch up since there's the horrible behaviours of that family going on towards him.
I bought him a super hard laptop case so it helps protect it.

So much for Alexa's tip on getting a $400 one eye roll... p.son has champagne taste & spent over $2k...
I paid for so much for him since he's been home because I can't stand it...haircut, clothes, personal items etc.

My Chiro annoyed me so much today... gosh he annoyed me!!!
Did so many irritating things... like someone nervous bec they know something you don't & can't tell you kinda stuff...
All the kids were there so he didn't BUT he brought up heaps of stuff about us still being traumatised. That was after adjusting us all & saying how different we all are NOW.. so I said what I had to say to shut him down.

Again & again.

Thankyou I hear you say J*?? lolol
THANKYOU Chiro for making me realise how far we've come!

He even brought up stuff that happened SEVEN YEARS AGO what the?
He said it was about time WE moved on!
Omg what an insult!
I said we "moved on" in Dec 2013!! It was "the other party" who wouldn't "MOVE ON" bec he wanted all my money. GRRR.

He agreed & finally shut up then!
Darned unprofessional talking about THAT crap in front of the kids which was half their LIFE TIMES ago.

I'll give him a stern talking to next time I'm in there bec that's way outta line.

It must be "in the stars" this week with me.
All sorts of ppl speaking to me like I'm a 3yo.
Cheeses I've probably had FIVE times their life experiences and they lecture ME?

How arrogant. When I ASK for advice, that's an entirely OTHER story.

THANKYOU that my Chiro appt is OVER lol.

Yvette aka as "Miss Organisation" in our family, is TOO CUTE & drawn up spreadsheets directions for diff't stations at her workplace.
She's been asked to "Train the new people" & she's had enough of the repeated questions. She's written DIRECTIONS now lol!!
I have to take them to Officeworks to have them laminated so they look "Professional"! too cute.

I hear you on the IT stuff returning to paid work... it's a THANG!
Bestest wishes
Love EM

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM,

Family get-together sounds great, hope it went well.

Oh, damn. Maybe best to not have them in the laundry, then! Glad prodigal son was happy to do some tidying up for the others, though. Chip off the ol' block, by the sound of it.

I just can't imagine the problems you're having with drainage and soil erosion. That much water anywhere is mysterious to a South Aussie, haha. Hope you can get it all sorted with a minimum of ado.

How did the dentist appointment go? Very surprised it was on Easter Monday.

I guess finding your little hidden cache was a good reminder that things are a lot better now than they were.

No problem. I give my time where I know it is worthwhile to do so. You are worthwhile. 🙂

Sorry to hear prodigal son is struggling so much with the ex's family. What an ugly situation to be living in. I'm glad he has the support he does from you and his siblings. May the time between now and his homecoming pass quickly.

Blue.

PS Happy Easter and hugs to you too, Tayla.

[Guest_1643]

hey EM

love ur pride of ur kids achievements

Go Yvette!!

ur kids are too cute.
Hope ur doing okay xxx

[ecomama]

Thanks Blue, for everything...

I was thanking you SO much yesterday lol regarding our ORGANISED kitchen cupboards!
Omg P.son is in LOVE with our "professional" looking house lol.
He knew EXACTLY where to put everything emptying the dishwasher - you beauty!

P.son was on a REAL school holiday for a whole week here... all the others worked stacks.
It was soul soothing for all of us to have him here. My gut hurts when I think about him being down there.
It's alot worse than he professes... ALL of us know that.
He needed to go back for work.
I miss him & worry about him so much, it would be easier if I knew he was happy.
Might need a cry about it.

Blue I am grateful for the rain, drought is NOT fun... but??? The news about my roof is WAY worse than first thought. Only 1 person has shown up to quote and couldn't bec the job was too big for him. I'm trying to WORK, as in physically WORK, through the stress of that.
(Just the finishing part alone for the roof is $3000... Lord knows how much the first stage will cost).

Hopefully ALL the roofing ppl get back to me ASAP!
Feeling stressed about finances, I'll mention on the money thread later.

Sadly the chickens can't live outside... foxes eat them.
Hence only 2 left now out of 26.
I'm taking a break from owning chickens once these girls go... I'll absolutely miss them to bits but need a reprieve from added work for the mean time.
When I can own a BIG dog, I'll get more. Foxes don't come when I mind Alexa's dog.

I'm STILL scrubbing the laundry walls, brought the tank water hose in yesterday to do it. I'd finally cleared the Brush Turkey's mound away from the house and DRAINS...
I played YouTube clips of Aussie plumbers unblocking drains all day and it was REALLY comforting to see others work as hard and get as grubby as me lol!
My kids thought it was hilarious, yeah it's a comedy all right lol.

Still more to do yet... hopefully the step ladder helps me reach the ceiling.

I need to do so much, I'm trying to break it down into manageable steps. Just too much. I went to be so early last night but was awake at 3am!

Not sure if we can swap the beds... that son's working ALOT.
I think he worked an "illegal" amount on Thurs... 8:30am till 11:30pm... that place LOVES our family.. it's almost the full composite of staff some days! Other kids let them down so they have a hotline to our family lol.

How are you doing?
How's LM?

Love EM

[ecomama]

Hey Sleepy

Thankyou.

Ofcourse I'm proud of them, I'm proud of YOU too! Not my pride to have, you've earnt it though!

I'm earnestly TRYING to keep up the positive vibe!
I hope I POSITIVELY can keep our home after yesterday's convo with the first roofing guy.. "yeah too hard for me, you need an EXPERT (I thought he was lol)... but I'll come back to do the finishing $3k"... oh so easily uttered...

Not so easily come by sighhhh.

Anyhow lol... Yvette wants to spend the day with me today, specifically NOT working around the house she said lol.
It's seriously ALL I do full stop.
Work outside and inside. Just work. Then work at work and work at my kid's houses.

Lucky for me I LIKE working!

Probably need a "balance" though!

I have to do an Interview for Alexa's assignment, a video with her Counselling me on WORK / LIFE balance! Hahaha.

Oh I do come onto the forums when me working is too noisy for the kids to sleep.

I'm glad you've found a great new person to help... I can see YOU creating a more positive vibe too!
That's wonderful Sleepy. Well done.

Perseverance pays off!

Love EM

[ecomama]

Update: chooks, dogs, LDR, rooves, kids and other "fun" things.

I'm pushing the pressure, of so many things weighing on me, away as much as I can atm.
This poodle has a mean BARK on him!

Counselling on Tuesday... doing ok. Just feeling the pressure & not liking it much atm.

I'm worried about my friends who lost their children, about p.son, about our roof - about finances to FIX it blah blah blah. Tax returns, 30h so far... ugh.

It's not easy parenting this many children alone but it's WAY easier without a lunatic involved.
At least we HAVE money to eat now!

Feeling very frustrated with BF.
I don't want to talk to him. He doesn't "get" what's going on here & tbh I hate him lecturing me on things he has ZERO idea about ie my life.

I know he feels bad when we don't talk but right now?
I can't handle it.
It's too much & I can't manage the "stupid" place we go to when I'm not 100% present, just immeasurably distracted with REALLY pressing, urgent things like a leaking roof.
If I hear "In America we ALL ...." one more time, I'll scream lol.
LIKE ALL Americans?? Yeah right, no silent army fella.
That r/ship - too hard basket atm.

I want to GRAB the times my kids WANT to spend with me... it's so rare for parents of teens!
Today is for Yvette & me too, she asked me for it.
Tomorrow night is for Alexa - to be videoed for her assignment.

I'm also sick of spending hours on the phone with BF, missing my WHOLE day.
It's fine for him, it's night there when we talk.
He's HAD his day.

I'd like company in the evenings too, but it ain't there.
In fact that's probably not true!

I NEED my own time.

I may not even want a partner... like at all.
THAT thought is kinda new to me.
I had it 100% after D Day. I had other offers but YUCK NO! I ran for the hills.
Then met BF, an incredibly amazing man.

Poodle liked his beef leftovers for brekky lol. Now he's quiet.

IDK, I'm thinking a solitary life is nice. Peaceful, gentle, calm. Except for rooves caving in ofcourse lol. The usual palaver partner or not.

Maybe I've had too many ppl in my personal space for too many years?

I've definitely had it up to HERE with ppl telling me what to do! Not here btw lol... just IRL ppl talking to me like I'm a 3yo.

It feels GOOD knowing that, as my kids are growing up, my CHOICES are expanding.
IDK if I want another husband.
Gosh that sounds ungrateful!

But just because someone OFFERS, doesn't make it the RIGHT choice.

Love EM

[Croix]

Dear EM~

You are certainly lucky to have teenagers that want to be with you, not just luck though but a tribute to your love, and also to your ability to relate to them at their level.

Perhaps for the moment at least the idea of a full-on relationship with another in your life might be put on the back-burner. This is not realy a novel idea, as most of us need space -and not to be lectured. As for the idea this would be "ungrateful", frankly I do not understand your reasoning. You could be a great asset in any partnership, not someone who needs to feel grateful for any offer as if you had no worth..

I'm afraid the assertion "In America we do ..." is something that might have unintended interpretations: while it has many strengths it also has no social security, a gun reached for at every turning, an insular way of thinking, a massive Covid death toll ... etc etc

Perhaps if your BF talked to you at a time of your convenience it might not only make you less tired, but also act as an indication of care.

Apart from things like roofs there is no rush.

Croix

[ecomama]

Roof update lol...

Omg some ppl are charlatans, I tell you now.
That person yesterday said minimum $3000 to "finish the roof off" once his friend did "all the MAJOR work" - he said minimum $5000 for his mate, this guy gave off a weird vibe.

Well waddayaknow. He didn't even go up on my roof and was quoting like a poker machine spinning...

I contacted another person, he called early today & came over this afternoon.
I found out he did the rooves of 3 other ppl I know & they look GREAT!

His quote for all that & MORE was less than $4000.
My Insurance money covers most of that.
I'm having the skylight removed & the roof patched & retiled.. the whole shebang. DONESKIS!

SUCH A RELIEF.
He starts in est 3 weeks but already patched the leak BEFORE even giving me the quote!

The fact he signed off our first call with "Oh Happy Day!" was a GOOD sign for me 😂🤣🌈

Once that's done, I can get that Carpentry team in to do ALL our ceilings; patch the huge skylight yuck, take out 6 old ducted air con vents & a square thingy from it.

I think I'll get someone to paint also.

Gosh it's wonderful making all these decisions on my own.
As I said to BF last time I spoke with him, MY house, MY money, MY decisions, MY consequences, don't tell me what to do.
Cheeses I NEVER tell him what to do with his money... I listen & if he asks, then I go with what HE wants to do... not Brain Science.

I'm sure gonna LOVE coming home soon! Just joking, I love staying home lol.

Did a few hours laundry cleaning while listening to YouTube cleaning & garden makeovers lol..

Then had a WONDERFUL time out at the Shopping Centre with Yvette.
She bought fancy perfume with her huge pay packet from Easter.
She already gave me another $150 first to save towards her first car... lol she doesn't have her Learner's Permit yet! She makes me laugh.
We had lunch together too.

What warms my heart the most is that she WANTED to spend the day with me. Awww so precious.

Alexa's coming tomorrow for videoing her assignment. I MUST do my hair & make up! She said tonight that she's gonna have a hard time NOT laughing, bec I pull all these funny faces etc so NO FUNNY FACES.
I bought a sweet dress today for $20 for the filming.

I'm almost finished my Tax Return and have another 3 weeks to put it thru an Accountant.
Better make the appt soon so I have a deadline!
I'll pack it up now, leave it for weekends.

I want to get into my garden during my last week of Leave.

Happy Days!
Love EM

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM,

No problem. It's definitely good having an organised kitchen. Mine has gotten a little less orderly due to recent events, but the general structure of organisation remains and does make things easier. I'm glad prodigal son is enjoying the "professional" touch. 🙂

I understand your worries for your son being away in his situation. As you say, things like his weight when he hasn't been home for a while really tell a story. I'm certain your support is making the rest of his time away a lot more bearable.

I read a bit ahead, glad you got some better news about the roof since the first dodgy quote. Some people really try to take advantage. I think you said somewhere the second guy did a bit of a patch-up before even quoting the rest? I hope so!

I understand about chickens, a few of my colleagues have had them, and I frequently hear of fox-related incidents. They never seem to learn, though. Poor chickens. Yes, it's a lot to manage, a time out from that stress would help, and a big dog to guard them if you begin again would be best. My partner wants big dogs one day, he adores them. We'd have to select carefully though, a breed that would play nice with the birds.

How's the laundry looking now? As for the YouTube tutorials, they're such a handy way to learn how to do things, it's great. And as you say, a bit of a comfort to know they get as grotty as you in the process, haha.

Yep, breaking the workload into steps is the way to go. Focus on one at a time, eventually you will get to the end of it.

Wow, that's a hell of a shift your son did, I likewise question the legality of it.

Me, I'm doing as okay as can be expected. LM the same. We've had some positive social time the last couple of days, slipped in around appointments - saw a friend of mine I've known since I was a teenager and his daughter, which was brief but really good. Our schedules mismatch horribly and we rarely get to see each other.

Sorry to hear BF is being stubbornly condescending. He should know better than that, you're no idiot and I imagine he knows you've got a lot on your plate. That crap isn't going to help. And just maybe being flexible and calling when it's good for you at least some of the time would help, and would be a way of showing some respect and care for your situation. I gather he hasn't nearly as much to manage as you have.

Glad Yvette wants a day with you, that's awesome. Hope it goes/went well. No sense of time, here.

Blue.