Looking for support through D.I.D.

[Sapphre]

Hi. We are new here. We are struggling a lot due to a huge variety of very stressful situations. We are looking to connect with people who also have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) for mutual support at this very triggering time. Our own situation is not just about what is happening in the world with Covid-19 and the physical isolation, but also the mental and emotional isolation we are feeling. New Alters have formed and some have integrated to form a hybrid Alter. This has been very distressing for all of us in our System. We are trying to come to terms with abuse and a failed marriage and being forced to leave the only country we cared about to live in Australia where the body was born. Really struggling with everything. Something hugely traumatic happened last night and we have been dissociating a lot and finding it hard to ground. I don't even know who we are anymore. 😞

[alasdayr]

Cuddle the teddy bear often. Do not be concerned on making S'rydia smile as yet. Responsive is enough for now. You are trying to build her trust in the system.

See if a place in your internal world can be made specifically for her.

Depression is not sadness and it sounds like S'rydia dealing with trauma and loss. Sadness is normal at a time of loss. It helps with a letting go. However I do agree with reducing the frequency of the sad songs and more time playing and cuddling the bear and with other forms of distraction and entertainment.

Sad songs are a form of "graded exposure" and they will keep triggering the intensity of memories that you probably want to let fade. Faded memories do not have the same emotional sting of fresh ones.

Consequently, some distracted time away from the trauma memories and getting accustomed to the care of the other alters would be good. Drawing, and story telling may help. Give S'rydia a non-judgemental mode of expression.

Remember progress is generally only made when in a green-calm zone of mental regulation (not yellow-agitated, not blue-disinterested/bored).

Job and money are adult concerns (especially in the current situation). Only when S'rydia is safe out of the co-con position can these be dealt with.

Alasdayr.

[james1]

Hello Sapphire,

I just wanted to send you all my best wishes. I have been following your conversation with Alasdayr who I am glad you have found.

It sounds like a lot of care for yourselves is helpful right now while you deal with this new situation of helping S'rydia feel a bit safer, while also trying to adapt to just having the 6 Alters. It is often easier to deal with one thing at a time and you sound really exhausted trying to juggle all of your needs.

Please keep posting to us if you find it is helpful. We will be here to listen and talk to you.

James

[alasdayr]

Sapphíre,

Quick touch base to see how you all are doing. How is S'rydia? Channa? Jake? JC? The Gatekeeper? and Sapphíre?

Happy to get communication from any of you.

Take care and stay safe.

Alasdayr.

[Aaronsis]

Hello alasdayr and hello to you all too, Sapphire, S'rydia, Channa, Jake, JC and The Gatekeeper

I wanted to come to chat to express my support and also say that since your first post Sapphire and the support and conversation that alasdayr had given it has created an interest for me to find out, to educate myself and to learn what a system looks like in having to live with DID.

Can I firstly say that I have had my eyes so very widely opened and I have even seen some footage of people transitioning through alters, I want to say that I understand the emotional energy, the pain, the frustration, the confusion and 1 million other emotions and feelings that a system living with DID goes through, but I can honestly say ...I will of course, never truly understand. My heart goes out to you Sapphire (et all) for the courage and the bravery that you show every day to just get through the day and while I have nothing to offer I just want to extend my hand and my heart, and to you too alasdayr for your beautiful daughter, to live with this disorder is nothing short of amazing and so incredible and my heart and support goes out to you all.

I hope today brings something wonderful

Hugs

Sarah

[Sapphre]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am always open to talk about this disorder to try to help people to understand. I know it's so hard for folk to wrap their heads around it.. people who have always had singular minds find it hard to understand multiple minds in one body. But I have a passion for helping people to get through it and to understand it, so I am absolutely open to answering any question and if I don't know the answer, I will research it for you. So please do ask me anything. I don't get offended at anything and nothing is taboo.

Much love

Saph and co

[alasdayr]

Sapphíre and co,

Such an amazing attitude. So great to hear that you are open to talking about D.I.D. as most cannot understand.

I've taught my daughter to first build trust in someone before talking openly about it because most simply cannot accept what is going on. The Hollywood and media representation of D.I.D. is incorrect at best, harmful at worst.

I find a lot expect those with alters to be able to call an alter to front whenever they want. From experience with my daughter I know it does not work that way. Positive triggers invite alters to front, negative triggers drag alters to the front in a traumatic way. Each alter has it's own full life happening at all times (eating, sleeping, playing, interacting), whether fronting or in the inner world. The whole system just copes because it has no other choice.

How is S'rydia doing, has she now got a safe place to be?

How are the rest of you doing?

Alasdayr

[Sapphre]

Hey Alasdayr

Thank you for your words. You are right, although I can invite Alters to come forth if someone in the outer world wants to speak to them. Generally they are happy enough to front. At the moment I've been having a hard time with Jake, who is a 16 year old boy. He is mad at me because he wants to harm the body (persecutor/protector) and I won't let him as far as I am able! So I spoke to the Chaplain here about it and Dave has been trying to bond with Jake. We figured Jake needs a male role model in his life; someone he can respect and look up to. Male bonding etc. And it's going ok, but Jake is well mad at me for mentioning the self harm and suicidal tendencies. So when he's not being nasty to me, he is ignoring me! I have spend the day asleep as he self-harmed last night, and so I only woke up a couple of hours ago. It's now 6:30pm!

S'rydia is very slowly settling. She spoke to someone for the first time, which was nice, but she is still very traumatised and scared. She has a huge teddy bear that she's called Helix that she likes to cuddle, and having that around is a positive trigger for her. We also let her do some drawing. She is a strange one because of the merge between Lydia and Sorrow. Lydia is left handed and whilst her drawings often depict trauma and abuse, Sorrow is right handed and her drawings are scary to the point of horror! So the combined drawings are often very disturbing, but I encourage her/them to draw as it's an outlet for them.

I have not as yet constructed a new Inner World for them. I suppose I should do that soon, since there are now 6 of us! It's not been an easy time, and today, as I said, I've slept most of the day away. I'd say Jake is just a persecutor, but he does have strong protective qualities as well, especially towards the Littles.

I just don't know. I'm at a bit of a loss with it all. You'd think I'd have experience from having 42 Alters before, but... sigh. I'm a bit overwhelmed by it all really.

Saph

[alasdayr]

Sapphíre and co,

Less alters are not necessarily less work. Its the strength of the personalities that make all the difference. As you have recently had a reduction in number, the remaining ones are likely to be very strong and very active.

Glad that S'rydia is settling. Glad she has the bear and is drawing (even if the drawings are disturbing). The drawings are for S'rydia alone at this time to allow her to express. If she want to share the drawings and meanings with others, that is her decision. It is supposed to be non-judgemental expression to allow her to let go of what she is willing to let go of. A place in the internal world for her would be a good idea.

Sleep is a good way to allow the internal world a chance to settle without having to manage the external world.

As for Jake and self harm. There are a few techniques that can help, but it depends on Jake's motivation for the harm.

If it is to elicit feeling (which is common), the best techniques seem to be delay/distraction. You will need to find out how to put distance between Jakes urges and actions (In fact I have to do this almost daily. MDD, BPD, PDD, ASD combination. Emotional dis-regulation is something I struggle with).

If it is as a fore-runner to destruction, this is more serious and does need professional attention and intervention. In this case also engage the gatekeeper and JC to assist in diverting Jake from acting on urges as it threatens everyone in the system.

Either way, a safety plan for Jake is highly recommended. Safety plan is quick access to pictures, songs, films, stories, poems, sensations that help defer/delay/self regulate Jake (remind how life has good aspects). Next step is a quick access to trusted contacts who Jake can reach out to get immediate help. Last step is the professional services that can help in crisis situations (like lifeline, etc...)

Keep safe and keep in contact.

You are doing well in coping with a very tough time. Sounds like you are doing everything right. Time is your biggest ally at the moment.

Alasdayr.

[Naptime]

Hi Sapphire and everyone in the system.

I realise this is a bit old, but I wanted to say hi. I have DID and I understand a lot of what you are saying. I have therapy twice a week now, and it has been helping the traumatised members cope. Of course, therapy more often means more stuff comes up, so it is a double edged sword!

I hope everyone in your system is safe and well at the moment. Let the littles and traumatised ones hug their toys, draw, and do anything that helps them. I know it can be hard for some to accept that these things are needed - our original/ one born into the body used to hide toys and rip up drawings and writings which created a lot of drama and upset.

I hope you reach out and keep talking. Having support is crucial as I am sure you understand.

-Toni

[Naptime]

Sorry I just wanted to add that therapy is the thing that has helped us the most. We have known our T for the best part of 20 years (we weren’t seeing him for therapy for DID all that time - he was also our psych in psych hospital when we were admitted in our younger years). I know it is really hard to find a decent psych/ therapist. Not only the red tape of Medicare and possibly mental health plans, but then also finding one who believes in the diagnosis.

Have you been formally diagnosed? Not sure how the system works in UK anymore. Having a formal diagnosis of DID would help in broaching the subject of finding a psych who is empathetic to the diagnosis.

Keep reaching out, we know how you are feeling and what you are going through in regards to new members, more fragmentation and members coming back from the Beyond.