I’m over this. What did I do?

[Mudcakes]

Um where do I start? 

This is a massive year for me, the IVO against my father ends in May. I Found disturbing and quite frankly fucked up things about his life now and who sees him as a hero and it is sickening. That will get worse, articles/blog posts and social media posts, let alone his logo on the news. I have an amazing therapist and was through ndis well they were paying for it. They changed my plan suddenly to agency for stupid reasons and now they wont pay her. I probably need a mental health care plan for 10 sessions and if its fortnightly like normal will end in july just when more court shit will happen cause it will be a new ivo application under my new name and as an adult and he will contest it. Ndis also have not had my disabilities listed at all I found out for 5 years its something I dont even have and got my date of birth wrong. But I get punished at the worst possible time. I’m not okay, im numb and angry I cant form tears. My psychologist knows me and my trauma and I was just starting to feel a bit better, I caught the tram to my appointment after a year. I feel broken. I feel like im being punished.

[Doors24]

Dear Mudcakes,

That is a massive amount of stress for you. And I am sorry that you are experiencing that. 
Toxic and dysfunctional family dynamics, I can understand and empathise with you about. I would be happy to listen to you more if you need too.

I also can understand about the NDIS aswell. Psychological services (talking therapy)can be very difficult to get funding for, especially if Medicare can provide a service for it. I have had the same experience myself.

With the mental health plan, you could change your appointments from fortnightly, to every three or four weeks to prolong them. I fully understand that you may need the fortnightly timings though. With my psychologist I do have to do once a month or I run out of sessions too quickly.

Another possibility that you could consider is to get your psychologist to work on a application to change your ndis plan. If they can provide supporting documentation for you on your diagnosis and correct information, there is a possibility that something may change. But I would just have healthy expectations there. Sometimes the rules change all the time and sometimes don’t make sense either unfortunately.

 I can understand and hear that you need support right now and it was really bad timing for things to happen to you. I feel for you.

Reach out if you need to talk more,

Doors24

[Mudcakes]

Thank you Doors24. means a lot. I think I’m gonna use helpline webchat services for the next few days and hope it helps my anxiety and stress. Im also waiting on test results from my senior dog this afternoon so hoping she’s okay cause I cant have anything else happen now. 

[Doors24]

Dear Mudcakes,

I am glad you have a plan for yourself for the next few days.

 I really dislike positive affirmations or posters etc. But I found a card today that talked to me while cleaning up some rubbish in my room. “Every problem has a solution.” And I thought to myself, that is true. It might just not be the solution I want it to be. But there is always a solution. And sometimes they don’t have to be permanent. They can be temporary.

So hopefully your web-chat services can tide you over before making your next decision and move.

And believe me, I completely understand about your senior dog. I have been to the vet twice in a fortnight for my senior dog. So I hope you get to hear the results that you want too. Please let me know if you want to talk about it. It can help just to let it out.

Doors24

[Mudcakes]

Where do I start? So early May the IVO(AVO) I have against my father ends, almost finished with the reapplication form but damn its stressful and then going in to the court to submit it. The feeling knowing he will probably contest it. Other shit going on that’s even more messed up. I had one great date with a girl and we keep trying to get a second date but shes a shit texter and bad with forgetting stuff so I feel less than like I always do in interpersonal situations. My support worker is now making mum freaked out or at least making mum cautious. At least my dog had a good 15th birthday this year, as I overthink if there will be a 16th. So yeah.  

[Sophie_M]

Hi Mudcakes,
 
Thank you for your post. It sounds like there is a lot happening for you at the moment and we’re glad this is a space you feel comfortable sharing.

It sounds like there are some mixed feelings at the moment, which is completely understandable given what you’re going through. As early May approaches, how are you feeling? If things are ever feeling overwhelming, you are always welcome to contact the Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 anytime, or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support   

On the positive side – having a great date and a 15th birthday for your dog is wonderful! Has anything else happened this week that has brough you some joy?

Thank you again for sharing your story. We hope this week has been kind to you.
 
Kind regards
Sophie M

[Mudcakes]

12 of may the IVO ends. This wednesday just passed I was meant to go and submit the paper work to extend but I ended up in hospital with a bad UTI. Im home now and recovering. As my support worker is only available on the 6th all day thats when we are gonna go but im worried what if im still sick then……… and cant go. 

[Mudcakes]

I just wrote something I hope the magistrate reads tomorrow. I gotta go to sleep soon but im freaking out. Tomorrow i find out if tuesday my father can contact me and use coercive control again. Im shit scared. Did nothing for mothers day because mum and i have been getting stuff ready. Would love a pep talk or some advice please

[Mudcakes]

Oh god my alarm goes off in 3 minutes. One of the worst nights of sleep ever. It was so awful😭 I dont wanna do this. What a shit day im about to have