I Do Not Know Why

[Doogaldog]

Hi 

I am desperate for answers.  

My entire life has been full of trauma, depression, anxiety, addictions, self destruction. 

I am  in my late fifties and I am so tired of life being so awful and so boring.  I have nothing to do. I have severe physical injuries and am pursuing TPD.  I cannot work in any capacity due to being totally useless.  I have no friends.  No partner.  No hobbies.  I drink and smoke all the time.  I hate myself. 

My family are very unsupportive but as they are also a major factor in my issues I do not even care.  I don't have anything to look forward to.  Every day is a struggle.  I have seen hundreds of professionals, been prescribed every medication under the sun.  Nothing makes any difference.  I do not know why I am here other than for my child (adult now, living with me).

I feel I am cursed.  Everything I do gets ruined in some way or another.  I adore animals.  Every rescue I have had has been ill, has cost me enormously emotionally and financially. 

I am now falling apart.  I drink because it is something to do.  I have no interest in anything other than reading.  I love animals and want another but have lost two beloved pets in the last 15 months.  I am so distraught about losing them.  I cannot afford another pet. 

I just do not know why I was born because my life has been horrible from day one. 

Thanks for reading. 

[Bob_22]

Hi Doogaldog,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing. It sounds like you've been through a lot. I am sorry to hear about your pets and hope your TPD application works out. For many, losing a pet is almost equivalent to losing a loved one. I would recommend going https://griefline.org.au/ if you wanted to talk to someone about the impact of your recent losses. They provide free counselling and support. 

I know you mentioned you have severe injuries that limit your ability to work. Have you thought about potentially volunteering? For many it is a great way to achieve a sense of purpose and inspires passion. There are many opportunities that do not require physical work or labour. If you are interested, the best place to go to would be https://govolunteer.com.au/ 

Please remember, if you are ever in crisis or just want someone to talk to you can also contact one of the counsellors here at beyond blue any time: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor 

Hope this helps and please keep us updated.

Bob

[David35]

I used to feel like this. I had a brain injury at 19 which wasn't diagnosed until about 10 years later. I haven't been employed for over 20 years. I resorted to alcohol as a way of coping. But it became too much for my parents. I ended up going to AA which helped. Sometimes the alcohol doesn't help because it masks the underlying issue, whatever it is. For me, it was the feeling of worhtlessness that I felt for being unemployed, despite having an engineering degree. I found chanelling money that would have been otherwise spent on alcohol into power tools was a lot more satisfying.

I found other interests, woodworking, supporting my dad during his cancer battle and now supporting mum during hers.

It sounds like you like working with animals. What about volunteer work in this area? It depends on how much confidence you have.