How can I properly help my friend navigate their current situation with DID?

[Alikyos]

My long-distance best friend (known since high school) has been having a horrible time recently with lots of different situations merging and It seems to have become too much to deal with. 

I was only informed about his dissociative identity disorder earlier this year, and this has never happened before, or at least not to such an extent that I've noticed it/interacted with an alter (? I’m not actually sure if it's an alter this time around or a result of stress-induced amnesia as I don't want to pry). His condition has been somewhat inactive in terms of switching because if he had experienced switches before, it was not for long periods of time. I think it was more of an internal thing, but has suddenly become more severe. His ‘usual self’ is said to have gone dormant in a sense, due to the immense stress and lack of ability to process everything that is happening, and has been overtaken by a personality who has forgotten the details of the past year and lost passion for all his recent interests. Prior to this switch, he was EXTREMELY unstable, and I spent days trying to help him stay as calm as possible but the episodes were uncontrollable. Yesterday, there was a sudden change. He was being really incoherent and then asked who I was to him. 

He says he remembers me, but our other friends are blurry, he only recalls facts and not his feelings for them. He’s asking me all these questions about what happened in the lead-up so he can relay them to a psychologist he’s seeing next week. He's not cold towards me by any means, but there is a veil between us even though we're talking to each other easily. He's very analytical, trying to think through the things that occurred etc and taking notes. 

I’m just not sure if I'm approaching it correctly. I’m currently answering his questions and showing as much support as I can while trying to wrap my head around the shock of the whole situation. He says he doesn't know if the persona I'm familiar with will ever come back. I'm just clueless and lost at the moment, because he's my best friend and it hurts to see such a dramatic shift. Truthfully, I was slightly sceptical before this but the things we are talking about now would have caused endless arguments only a couple of days ago. Whatever happened, there is a tangible divide between who I'm talking to, and the friend I knew. Any advice is appreciated!

[Croix]

Dear Alikyos~

It would be a pretty heart-breaking thing for the friend you treasured to disappear and affection towards you forgotten. Hopefully with less stress in his life and clinical assistance that friend will be back. He is lucky to have someone like you to care.

Of coure as you are not physically present that makes things more difficult however it sounds like you are doing your best to accommodate his current behavior and are as supportive as possible.

The only thing I can think of to suggest is to encourage him in seeking medical assistance and take advantage of his note-taking habit and guide him though a point form list of events and feelings so as to present a coherent picture to his psychologist. Without everything down in black and white it would be easy for the picture to become confused or only part of it spoken about.

It is a very stressful and upsetting time for you, so may I ask what support you have? Do you have anyone you are close to, a family member or friend perhaps, someone you can talk frankly with. They do not have to fix things, just listen and care. Trying to cope with this on your own is hard.

You know you are always welcome here

Croix

[Alikyos]

Thank you so much for the reply, Croix! Talking it out certainly helps me to come to terms with it all a bit.

I'll give a quick update; I've been talking with my friend more over yesterday and today. He's decided that it'd be best if I call him by a different name. We even had a quick call and he spoke differently, less burdened. He even laughed at my voice because it wasn't what he expected. It all furthered my shock at the sheer difference. It's just compiling, built up more by a sudden family emergency yesterday (it ended fine, luckily, but it broke me down slightly). 

I asked about taking notes. He said he's piecing everything together and will jot it down once he's confident that he has the right series of events laid out. I'll remind him over the next few days to ensure his first appointment goes okay.

Admittedly, I've been coping more alone than I'd like to be. When the event first unfolded, I was hanging out with a couple of friends. I've been keeping one of them updated, but we aren't very close and I don't feel great about constantly messaging her. I've updated the mutual online friend we had on an online MMO and he's hearing me out (he's been there for me through the stress of dealing with this friend in the past months too), but he's as frazzled as I am about the situation. Unfortunately, I doubt my parents would understand DID, nor do I have the words to really do any of it justice. 

Despite how uncanny this all is it does seem to be for the best - for the time being, at least. This new persona seems dedicated to keeping things under control but it's all just hard to come to terms with. 

Thank you again, Croix, I really appreciate it ^^

[Croix]

Dear Alikyos~

I guess taking him at "face value" however he acts would seem to be the only choice you have. It is a weird situation and I'm not sure you could rely upon him to be consistent. This new appearance may not be capable of giving his psych a proper picture, however I think you are doing all you can in that respect.

May I suggest you see your own GP or a councilor and get the support I mentioned. Not only will it give you perspective on how far things have strayed from ordinary but will give you somewhere to turn if for some reason he becomes less freindly. Additionally it may give you more idea of what to expect.

Another thing to consider is if his behaviour is influenced by using illicit substances. If that were the case whatever you could do to discourage this might help.

You mentioned it was a distance relationship. Do you know if there is anybody near him to give him support? I would think having more sensible peple around might encourage him to seek help.

Please don't this get to the stage where because you are almost powerless to help it is a sign of failure or weakness on your part, he is lucky to have you on his side.

Croix

[Alikyos]

Hey Croix,

I am very sure that it isn't due to any sort of drug use, he's been struggling due to uni and isolation combined with a slew of mental troubles. Unfortunately, his mother has visited from overseas and is staying with him, and she's making things worse so there is currently nobody my friend can go to. 

Apparently his psych appointment was cancelled by her as well, so I'm just even more lost at this point. I'll strongly consider getting my own help before it builds up too much, because it feels like a hopeless situation where it's at now. 

Thanks again

[Croix]

Dear Alikyos~

He's not having much luck, maybe his mother had some bearing on his condition in the first place. Cancelling thatt appointment may mean she does not believe in mental health issues or does not understand.

I'm glad you are considering some support, going it alone is not good.

Croix