Domestic abuse causing problems years later

[Carlawinkleberry]

Morning

I’ve never actually posted in a forum or spoken about my history with anybody but friends and family. I was in a domestically abusive relationship for 5 years. I have a son from that relationship. It’s been 7 years since I walked away but I have suffered (what I believe, never diagnosed) with severe anxiety and highs and lows ever since. I have been married to my current husband since November 2012 and we have 3 beautiful kids together. Our youngest is 6 weeks old. Within the last week I have felt so so low. Have lost all my energy and strength to be their mother. I able only making it through each day I don’t know how. I don’t want to get out of bed most days and takes it out of me to continue to do it. I think all of what I’ve been through has ended me up to this point now and I need help. I don’t want To miss my children growing up because I feel this way. I have felt the anxiety before after children were born but this time it’s worse and so different. Everything just seems pointless. It’s is physically hard to do anything because I’m so exhausted. I think my kids deserve a better mother and I feel like a failure to them. I don’t feel as connected to my youngest baby the way I did with her siblings. I love her but I’m not as connectEd with her. I don’t really like talking on the phone and I’m terrified that if I saw someone locally they would take my kids away. I’ve never been able to get my license because of anxiety problems and I’m not qualified for anything. My first son was born straight after graduating school. And I’ve done nothing else with my life since. I feel pathetic. I want to be better for my children because they deserve it. I want to feel stronger then I am right now. It’s is just embarrassing to say any of this at all.

[Quercus]

Hi Carlawinkleberry and welcome the the forums,

This is a safe and non judgemental place and I'm really glad you took the chance and posted because you will find support here. I did too.

I'm going to start with something that you might not be able to accept right now. But it's important.

You are not pathetic.

And you are good enough. Your kids don't need a better Mum... They need YOU.

I think deep down you know how you're feeling is not ok and that you need help.

Most of what you wrote I felt too. Speaking out is being strong. It is hard to do. I left it until I was suicidal to ask for help. I was ashamed and frightened.

I was worried they'd take my kids away (doesn't happen). The professionals told me by getting help for yourself you are showing you are a responsible parent.

You have a 6 week old baby and older kids to care for. I believe the combination of hormones and lack of sleep and pressures and demands of kids and a 6 week old baby is enough to open the lid on any trauma you have buried. It did for me too.

If you go to the BB website there is a section called "the facts" where you'll find the same K10 checklists the midwives and docs have probably smothered you with. I keep wondering if you're like me... You score badly and then brush it off to lack of sleep and kids and pain and financial stress and lack of support. I did that for years. Even ticking the box about thoughts of suicide I was never referred further because I didn't want them to see how much of a mess I was.

How about starting with visiting your community midwife or GP with a printout of your K10 test? They'll make you do it again. Be honest.

You can always print this thread if you struggle to talk about it. I do think it's a good idea to ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. If these feelings have kept coming back worse you do need a proper diagnosis.

I hope this hasn't overwhelmed you. You're very welcome here and everyone will just want to help you.

Nat