Unhappy, need advice

Nostos

Hi everyone,

I was hoping to obtain some advice from someone who might be on a similar situation to mine.

I have been living in Adelaide, South Australia for about 10 years. I relocated to Adelaide from Belgium with my mother (a pensioner). My background is Greek.

When I arrived in Australia, I did not have extensive professional experience since I had finished studying at University. My dream was to break into the marketing industry in Australia, but I have had to put that dream on the side as I was not able to land a job in the field. In fact, I was not able to land any job until 6 months after I had arrived, due to lack of experience.

To sustain myself and my mother, I worked in fields that were not very appealing to me, until last year when I decided to do a Diploma in Digital Marketing that could potentially make me more employable. This has proven another uphill battle because even though I now have the Diploma, I do not have prior experience in the field.

My mother and I have both found it extremely difficult to make meaningful connections in Adelaide. Unfortunately it seems that people do not have the time (or perhaps the motivation) to get to know new people and prefer focusing on the friends they already have. When it comes to social/meetup groups, they can be very superficial, once again making it difficult to approach people on a more meaningful level (for instance, exchanging numbers, going for coffee, and having a more regular contact seems nearly impossible).

To top it off, I have had several experiences with toxic workplaces where my efforts, as well as my focus on work rather than gossip and backstabbing, have not been appreciated. I have had to make the difficult decision to leave some of those environments for my own sanity. I am currently unemployed, still trying to get into digital marketing.

Additionally, the distance from Europe is getting to me more and more, to the point where I am starting to doubt whether leaving Belgium was a wise decision (there were valid reasons for the move at the time though).

I am at a point where I do not know what to do next. I cannot return to Greece (which would be my dream) for reasons that I won't go through here, and I wouldn't want to return to Belgium where it would be really hard to get a job without speaking Flemish (I speak French, one of the official languages). I am also worried about my mother, because even though eventually I might find another job here, she will be home alone all day, with no friends to talk to.

Ideally I want to relocate somewhere in Europe so that we can be close to Greece, but I don't know where.

Would you have any suggestions as to how to go about this situation? I feel that I am at a crossroads.

Thank you for your patience with my lengthy text.

Croix

Dear Nostos~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum, where if you look around you may find others with difficulties being in a strange country, and getting the job they want.

Actually I'm pretty impressed with what you have done so far, living in Greece, Belgium and now Australia, each with a different language and culture. You have been though university in one country, gained a diploma in another and speak at least three languages. I'm sure each of these would have been based on decisions that were wise at the time.

You are a loving person to care about you mother's welfare and tenacious, going to jobs you do not enjoy simply to afford to live.

Although in your post, and also implied by the name, Nostos, you have chosen, you would like to be back in or near Greece I'm wondering if that would cure your problems, or simply create new ones similar to what you have experienced so far. Grass is greener is a well known saying with some truth in it, as it you cannot go back in time.

Googling the houses I lived in in the UK and France reveal all has changed (car parks rule:(

Digital marketing is not an easy field to enter, those who employ such marketeers are risking quite larege sums and often want to see previous successes. As you have pointed out you lack of expereince is a hindrance.

I guess two things come to mind, the first being that you may find other fields you enjoy not related to marketing, and the other is to gain expereince in a more unconventional way.

Many voluntary groups (I'm in several that relate to mental health issues) do not have volunteers with any idea of how to go about this, and your voluntary help would not only be useful, but appreciated and help gain you the expereince you need.

Volunteering itself can be a means to another end, meeting people who are not superficial and normally friendly.

There are also societies based upon nationality, French and Greek in Adelaide, I don't know about Belgium. Meeting with several of these may give you something you enjoy. I remember attending the Adelaide Mariposa Trial (for the Spanish speaking community) which was effective and enjoyable even though I did not speak the language. I'm not sure if it is still going.

If you would like to come back and talk some more that would be great

Croix

Nostos

Hi Croix,

Thank you for your message, your kind words, and your suggestions, and I hope you are well.

I would be interested in finding out more about your journey.

My mother is truly important to me, and I do feel guilty about some (poor) decisions I made in the past that have resulted in a lot of anxiety for both of us. This is why I am trying to carefully plan things and consider what’s best for both of us.

It is true that things have changed everywhere in the world, but it’s just that we have both been battling loneliness for such a long time and I know we can’t go on like this. And unfortunately, the cliques in my area make things a lot harder. People we might talk to about this might suggest for us to try certain activities or groups, but they are never willing to include us in their own group of friends. I have also noticed so many times how people keep their friends separate, as if they fear something!

All of this of course makes us feel worthless.

I recognise that there is always a risk hiring someone without experience in a specific field, but that’s why I am trying to find an assistant role where I can work with someone and build up my skills/experience. But even for assistant roles it seems that employers expect candidates to be proficient in all the platforms imaginable, to be marketers but also designers (why would we need designers then?), etc.

With respect to looking at another field, that is an option, but the problem is that I have already worked in two other sectors that I did not like, and I fear that showing too many different sectors on my resume will impact my employability (even though transferable skills should matter, but I feel that in they don’t in my area).

When it comes to volunteering, the problem once again lies in the fact that organisations may not be willing to help volunteers build new skills, but instead expect them to already have those skills to perform the roles. And as for the social aspect of volunteering, it can be tricky. Unless volunteers meet each other after work for coffee, I am not sure how much socialising they can do while they are working.

In any case, I really do appreciate your suggestions. I look forward to finding out more about your background.

Take care!

Croix

Dear Nostos~

If you want my background you will find it here

Meet your Community Champions

(2nd post down)

I went to school in 3 countries, UK, France and Australia, and in the long term that helped as it made me believe in specific values held by each school somewhat less (Gryffindor is really no better than Slytherin:)

As you will have read I've volunteered in several organizations, and since then several more. All have had meetings over coffee and I've found one very good friend in each, which is surprising as I'm not a particularly outgoing person. I included the Mariposa Trial not as something for you to join, but as an example where strangers were welcomed , there will be others closer to your previous cultures.

Trying to get to the job you want may be a question of edging towards it. As an example many small organizations have web pages that are woefully out of date, even though they have software that makes it easier to change content. Doing a task like that could be welcomed and is heading towards digital marketing.

As for your CV, a lot of time it is the words of the referee that counts the most.

Croix

Damian

Hi

When I moved to Adelaide, I spent most of the first year asking myself why I didn't leave. It can be very isolating. People are born here, have the same friends throughout their school life, go to university here and then one thing you often hear in the workplace is, "I'm not here to make friends!" Well, I've now been here for 25+ years and am here to stay. It's been hard work and I guess that I'm lucky to have found a few good friends. I did the whole social group thing, and agree with what you're saying. Fortunately there are more and more groups popping up for people to try.

When you get a job (just don't give up applying - ask me how I know!), will your mum have access to community groups? I won't ask her age, but is she entitled to a care plan (which would include community access?). I think it's great that you're thinking about her!

J'espere que tu trouveras bientot un emploi (sorry about the lack of accents). Once again, don't give up!

Nostos

Hi Damian,

Thanks for your message. Are you French? 🙂

I know the story too well. And unfortunately I will have to agree with the whole "not here to make friends" when it comes to the workplace. Unfortunately having seen various bad behaviors, I do not trust my colleagues have my best interest in mind. I can see how double faced people can be, and I always separate my private life from my professional life.

If you don't mind me asking, can you tell me what worked for you and you've made some friends? And when you say "friends" do you mean real friends who will be there for you when you need them, or just acquaintances?

With respect to my mother, she is entitled to help at home and can have access to community groups. But the problem remains the same: when she attends groups, people (and I am sorry to say this, but it's very often other women) are not interested in getting to know her. It's like she becomes invisible for them.

I will be bold by asking this, and I do apologise if this will sound weird, but I will do it anyway. Are you open to including new people in your social circle? Because I am very keen to meet new people and organise catch-ups.

Nostos

Hi Croix.

Thank you very much for your suggestions. And I am sorry to read about your struggles. We all have a cross to bear, that's for sure, and I hope you are doing well these days! Look after yourself and your loved ones!

TrueSeeker

Hello Nostos

I'm sorry that you're going through all this. It is very frustrating, painful and can make us feel lonely and not good about ourselves when we can't find friends. Unfortunately, people like to know us well before they get close to us so it can take sometime to create good relationships.

It can be easier to become friends with someone who we have common hobbies or interests with as it makes it much easier to have a good conversation. Also showing who we are and that we care about them helps a lot too. Sometimes all it needs is just to be a good listener. Even a plate of cookies can break the ice.

It is not easy and it can be heart breaking but as long as we keep trying it can be done.
I hope that things will get better for you, please let us know how you're going

Damian

Not French, just a linguist.

The definition of "friend" is difficult. One thing I've learnt the hard way is that you can't expect the same level of commitment from friends that you're willing to give them, especially if you're a perfectionist. I know that there are some people who care about me and would lend a hand if I really needed it, so I consider them friends. How did I meet them? A couple through work (we had things in common), one through a social group we joined that eventually petered out and a few others through an organisation I'm a member of. I probably appear too independent to most, so I guess others rely on me more.

I'm always up to meet new people, and if we have nothing in common, to part on friendly terms. I've seen social groups where people force themselves together for the sake of it, and things often get bitter. Not into that! A coffee would be good.

Croix

Dear Nostos and Damien,

I agree with Damien's ideas of friendship, it does happen sometimes.

I'm afraid the only circles here are actually within the Forum, there is no possibility of meeting outside, so while a coffee might sound good the best you can do is a Café virtuel in the BB Café.

C’est un peu dommage, mais j’ai peur que ce soit les règles. Even so, long lasting friendships have been made here

Croix

(Google translate will tell the curious what we are saying)