Serial bride! Or how culture and religion conditions women to feel inadequate without belonging to a husband.

[Donte]

I used to be married to a woman who loved the idea of being married.

Like people who are in love with the idea of being in love, she just loves getting married! She loves the white wedding dress and the flowers and the church ceremony and the reception and the gifts and the rings she has collected over the years!

Don’t take me wrong. I’m not judging her. I’m just using her as an example for the purposes of this thread to highlight the influence of certain cultural and religious notions and how they affect certain individuals, particularly women and especially when a mental illness plays a role too.

So back to my ex wife: she was married once before she married me. Then fifteen years later, after our separation, she got married again! (Within months of our divorce!) After a few years and an extramarital affair, she left her third husband for another guy and went to live with him overseas. So she married again! A couple of years later, when the marriage fell apart, she returned to Australia, and remarried the husband she had left behind. (The one she married after our separation)...This marriage also fell apart within a year and then she met her current partner, and guess what? She’s about to get married again! Just found out from my daughter that ‘Mum is getting married again!’

So, putting the mental health issues aside, what is it that makes a woman feel that ‘the right thing’ is to be married? Why certain individuals cannot be by themselves? What type of messages has society and religion given to women particularly and their role in our communities? We glorify the ‘Mother’ and train our young girls from very early on through fairy tales and fables that one day ‘the Prince’ will come and rescue them and they’ll live happily ever after.

Two women get murdered by their intimate partners in Australia each week! I guess not all Princes are noble.

How can we teach our girls that their self-worth is not based on raising babies? That ‘settling down’ and living ‘happily ever after’ is not the ultimate goal in life no matter what sex you are.

Particulatly in certain cultural and religious settings where women are seen as ‘helpers’ and meant to be subordinate to their husbands and definitely not viewed as equal partners, how can we give empower them? How can we provide them with choices - be it in reproduction, education, career, relationships etc?

What’s your experience and do you believe that this conditioning disadvantages and discriminates against women?

[Hayfa]

Hi Donte'

This is a very interesting thread however, I feel that western culture has evolved from this view dramatically. I think that we are now more than ever seeing empowering messages to women advocating achievements and rights, with these have come messages of living life to the fullest and achieving the best and highest with marriage rarely being the focus.

For example, the feminist movement, women's equality and high achievement in work, women's sport. Today's digital age is especially rife with messages of living life and achieving to the fullest, most messages targeted to being single, travelling and exploring.

I think that the notion of marriage is especially stronger in some multicultural communities whereupon village/tribal living back home was accompanied with the notion of young marriage and building the family wealth.
I think that this has begun to change over the years as more chances to pursue new life developing opportunities have arisen thus making marriage come at a later time. It is becoming common to see people staying without marriage longer and enjoying longer relationships.

There is definitely a huge business promotion for weddings and events among the corporations that sell the wedding event and this includes bride magazines but I think that we are now witnessing a generation who don't prioritise marriage over other life opportunities.
I think that marriage is an individual choice that most women will think about before deciding, unless of course there is family pressure emanating from religious and cultural factors.

I have known a few women in the past that love the idea of fairy-tale weddings and have married young because of that romanticism.
In the case of cultural pressure, I would not say that women who marry like this are all seen as helpers and subordinate to their husbands. There are definitely places in the world where this is the case such as some parts of Africa and as we have seen from evidence- based research, women have been sold into marriage because of family poverty.

Hayfa

[Donte]

Hello Hayfa,

I totally agree with you and that’s what makes me scratch my head in wonder when I see people like my ex wife still keep trying for ever and ever to fit in this white dress! Unfortunately as you mentioned in some communities even here in Australia choice is not an option for many girls and women.