Not sure how to process infromation

AnonymousPoster

So I recently had a lady come to my school to talk about respectful relationships. She talked about topics like consent, Sexual Harassment, Friendships, pornography, etc. While listening, I realised alot of the things she was defining related to things that had happened to me in the past that I hadn't realised were not normal. One of these was being pointed at and told I looked like an [my ethnicity] version of a famous pornographer.

She had an anonymous questions section at the end that you could do, and so I wrote about one of the incidents I was questioning and said that I was confused about whether it was a compliment or an insult or Sexual Harassment or objectification. She did end up answering the question and said it was in fact not something of a compliment and instead was both objectification and Sexual Harassment.

Im not sure what to do with the information, i've got mixed feelings form the answer, i feel disgusted and horrible but at the same time it was a few months ago now and ive got this final clarity of what it really was and i'm not completely sure how to process the information. It feels like on one side im making this bigger in my head than it really is but at the same time, my morals tell me that by making these things seem small it's allowing people to do these kinds of things in the first place.

Croix

Dear New Member~

I'd like to give you a warm welcome here at the Forum. I'm glad you came as not only did you have had those experiences, but also you are now unsure what to do about it now they have been put in perspective by that lady.

First off any decision that is made about the incidents is made by you, there is no pressure from outside to make you do anything about them. Doing nothing might seem easiest, particularly as at the time you thought it was just part of normal life.

From your words it is obvious you a thoughtful person who cares about what happens to other people. We all want to live in a world where everyone is treated with respect, seen as fellow human beings, and that everyone has the right to say yes or no, and have that wish respected. It's all part of the same thing, how we treat others.

I went to a number of different schools and at each one I was treated as a lesser sort of being becuse I'd only just arrived and was not part of the crowd. This even extended to the staff passing remarks in class. As I result I though it was just part of life as it happened at every school and I just had to put up with it. Later of course I found this sort of behaviour was unacceptable, but by then I'd left school and there was nothing I could do about it.

You have already said "my morals tell me that by making these things seem small it's allowing people to do these kinds of things", which is a troubling thought to have. As I've got older and look back there are some things I'm glad I did not do and others I regret not having done, so I can't really suggest which way you should go. These things are not straightforward.

Can I suggest you just take one person you respect into your confidence, someone that knows you, and talk it over, the upsides and downsides in your own life of revealing what has happened. Is there someone like that you know, perhaps a parent, teacher or councilor?

If you are unsure that anybody is there who will keep a talk confidential then I'd suggest calling the Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800) and explain the situation to them. They are very approachable and experienced and will have met this sort of situation many times before. They are not only on the phone, but also have web-chat and occasionally a chance to talk with others your own age with similar problems.

The only thing I can say is that life being what it is there is always a chance some of these experiences might be repeated, so deciding what to do now might be helpful.

From the way you write I'm sure any decision you do make would be well thought out, and if you wanted to come back and talk more we would welcome you.

Croix