Loving someone with depression but in denial.

[Jay___J]

Hi everyone.

I am Jay, I am a nursing student. This is the first time I’m talking in a forum about my gf. So i been with my gf for 7 months now. She has been very depressed for more than a month now. Last week she said she don’t want a relationship and wanted to break up and she sees me as a friend now. I really love her and i wanna support her. But at times it is just hard for me to take things personally. Btw we both are 20. She is a first year nursing student and i am a second year. She’s really struggling with her uni. I always support with her studies. I wanna support her with her mental health but she’s in denial. I have read the DSM-5 and i feel like she has like 6 symptoms of major depressive disorder. She has some trauma in her childhood. Talking about risk factors she has a lot of risk factors. Her dad have suffered from anxiety and depression and is on medications at times. Her parents are very unsupportive. We are indians and indian parents just don’t get mental illness. She never seen a professional before. Medically she’s suffering from postural hypotension and bad migraine. I have talked and pushed her to see a professional which is why she is not talking to me these days. I worry about Her a lot. I actually don’t know what to do. She’s always negative, she thinks her no one likes her. She’s not hopeful, unmotivated, stressed, panicking at times, excessive crying everyday, gets upset with simple things. And sometimes everything is upsetting for her. She’s not socially withdrawing because she don’t others to know she’s depressed. She doesn’t really have too much suicidal thoughts but have a had in the past, also she used to self-harm in the past but not now. I remember she telling me about these same feelings two years ago.

I really wanna be supporting but idk what to do. I really want her to see professional. But she doesn’t wanna talk to me or a professional. I always tell her that i will be there for her but she doesn’t care, she often say I’m just a friend to her. I don’t know what to do.. i wanna really help that’s all i know now . Can someone help me please give me some advice..

[quirkywords]

Jay Welcome to the forum. This is a friendly and supportive place.

IT has taken a while for your post to be answered, this has nothing to do with your post, it is valued. Alas these things happen.

You are concerned for and worried about your girl friend.

It is hard when a loved one is suffering and you feel so helpless in trying to help.

When I was depressed I would push people away and refuse help and I did not want to talk about how I was feeling as I thought I would bring other people down.

Our girlfriend is under so much pressure with her studies, trying to keep the relationship going when she feels totally lacking motivation, and does not like herself. She may be pushing you away saying you are just a friend to protect you from being hurt.

Beyond Blue have excellent information on looking after yourself as a person that is providing (trying to) care for someone with depression.

Your health is important. You can only do what you are doling. Click link below
www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone/looking-after-yourself

Would you be able to see if your girlfriend would ring the Beyond Blue support line 1300 22 4636

Sometimes talking to a trained person that you don't know can be easier than talking to someone you know.

These are just some suggestions.

Feel free to keep posting here if you want.

Quirky

[Blue_Elmo]

Hi Jay !

I can relate in the sense that my gf has had her moments dealing with mental health due to family etc, and I understand that It can be hard sometimes. My recommendation for you is to keep trying to talk to her and help her understand because at the end of the day it needs to be her that acknowledges it and helps herself get better. Also, don't forget to take care of yourself and make sure you are okay because Its understandable if you feel strained and tired and feel like you're making little progress. Also, you can try maybe talking to other people close to her (not in a way that's behind her back), in order to find someone who she might listen to eg, siblings, mentors, best friends, etc.

Stay strong friend, hope everything works out.