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Chris_B Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islande... View more

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. beyondblue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage. Please be aware that posts in this forum may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our community rules, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Become a Multicultural Correspondent Are you from a culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) background? Are you interested in being a regular contributor to this section? We are seeking members who will actively participate in discussions and start up new threads on topics of interest to CALD communities (6-10 quality posts per week). Please get in touch with our team to discuss.

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YouCanCallMeAl Racism among gay community
  • replies: 3

I'm a professional in my 20's and have, for the past few years struggled with finding a group of gay men who don't, to some degree, hold racist values. I am a person of colour of Middle Eastern descent and have really struggled with this. The racism ... View more

I'm a professional in my 20's and have, for the past few years struggled with finding a group of gay men who don't, to some degree, hold racist values. I am a person of colour of Middle Eastern descent and have really struggled with this. The racism I experience is not so much overt, but subtle exclusions from weekend parties, ghosting, turned backs at clubs and being made to feel that, if you're in a room with these people, you may well have been invited to the event, but in reality they don't give a rat's arse about who you are, what you have to say or do, they're all fake interactions. I have virtually no gay friends and sometimes I find it hard to decide if it's something to do with pent up shame that I avoid the gay scene now, or whether I feel worn down by being let down by the gay scene. I spent so many years of my early teens looking forward to being welcomed into the community, being told that 'its okay to come out, theres a community waiting for you' and then having broken through cultural family barriers coming out, I find out that the gay community I desperately want to be welcomed into have their own racist barriers. When I have dated guys, albeit only for short amounts of time, I've noticed that they often have a 'thing' for Middle Eastern guys with a portfolio of carbon copy hook ups that precede and follow me. It's quite distressing to see that I am actually the subject of their fetish rather than just seeing me for me. Should I be annoyed by that? Any advice about just surviving in the white gay man world?

ayylmao Move on or stay?
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone. I would like some opinions on what whether I should move on with life or stay with my culture. So I have been living in Australia for a good few years. The culture is different here, the accent the slang etc. Etc. It was only at the sta... View more

Hey everyone. I would like some opinions on what whether I should move on with life or stay with my culture. So I have been living in Australia for a good few years. The culture is different here, the accent the slang etc. Etc. It was only at the start of this year, that i have really started to appreciate the culture here, the opportunity here and just how people do things here. Thinking back a few years ago, I always felt left out and disadvantaged because of language barriers and culture barriers. Its hard for me to get a good job, keep friends etc. I thought that it was cuz of my skin color, my name, accent etc. I don't what it is. Im starting to think that my background is whats holding me back in life. I don't know anymore.

Peppermintbach Identity, culture and self-acceptance
  • replies: 4

Hi all, The subject of culture and identity has been on my mind a lot lately. It has taken me some time to come to terms with it, and I’m still coming to terms with it. For a long time, and I suspect that this is quite common for people from a CALD b... View more

Hi all, The subject of culture and identity has been on my mind a lot lately. It has taken me some time to come to terms with it, and I’m still coming to terms with it. For a long time, and I suspect that this is quite common for people from a CALD background, I used to reject my heritage. Growing up, it was a regular occurrence for me to hear certain slurs about my culture(s), mostly from classmates at school. I used to wish that I looked less like me, because I knew that my looks reflected my heritage, which was why classmates used to target me. I would try to hide my lunch, because I knew the rice in my lunchbox would be the subject of ridicule. I refused to speak my native language outside of the family home. If a relative was speaking our first language in public, I would physically move away to try to dissociate with what that language represented...I felt ashamed and deeply embarrassed. That’s the thing, I think when we are made fun of/discriminated against for something that is completely beyond our control (e.g. our cultural heritage), we internalise that shame and carry it with us. It can take time to untangle that, and it can confuse us about our sense of identity... It has taken me a long time to start accepting my own eastern cultural heritage, which is that of my parents and extended family. But I also identify with many aspects of western culture too. Im speaking very generally about east and west here, but of course I’m aware that within eastern and western cultures, there are individual cultures...I’m speaking generally because I don’t necessarily want to give exact details about my cultural heritage for the purpose of anonymity. Anyway, I suppose what I’m trying to express is I’ve come to realise that I identify with both, and that it’s okay to see myself as both. I would love to hear about others’ personal experiences in terms of culture(s) and identity

Peart How to deal with unaware racist parents
  • replies: 1

I suffer from my clinical depression and anxiety. I came from a quite traditional Asian family. My mom is naive, submissive and co-dependent. My dad is a typical Asian patriarchal male who is misogynistic, close-minded and stubborn. I don't have any ... View more

I suffer from my clinical depression and anxiety. I came from a quite traditional Asian family. My mom is naive, submissive and co-dependent. My dad is a typical Asian patriarchal male who is misogynistic, close-minded and stubborn. I don't have any respect for him as he has been constantly cheating on my mom with multiple different women, even though my mom has technically given him her entire youth and life so far. There are so many things that would trigger me when talking about my parents but I'll try to focus on one thing that has destroyed a bit of the strong mentality I've been trying to build. I have been living with my partner, who is from a different race. My parents, on the surface, have been accepting towards my relationships but my dad has been making racist remarks behind my back about him during our entire relationship. I found out about that pretty early on and got really mad. My mom had to calm me down because I wouldn't talk to my dad for a while. They've been more careful with what they said since then, making sure I don't know about it. Today he was a bit drunk and called me. He demanded to video call me and my partner. I blamed my stupidity for picking up his call. After seeing my partner and me, he started asking embarrassing drunk questions so I cut him off and hung up. He called again and I picked up otherwise he'd caused a lot of drama if I didn't, but I didn't let him talk to my partner. He started making racist remarks about his colour and his country. He praised our heritage and disrespected his background. He asked me if people ever looked at us funny when we went out together because he thought I looked so much better than him. It really upset me and hurt me deeply because I'm so ashamed of the things he's said. I couldn't tell my partner about that because it has upset me so much I wouldn't want to upset him as well. The phone call has completely thrown me off my mood and now I can't focus on finishing a big assignment that's due tomorrow. I don't know how to deal with this because I have serious future plan with my partner and my parents still have to be a part of my life. I can't cut my dad off because my mom wouldn't cut my dad off and I still want her to be a part of my life. Even though she's naive and manipulated by him, she doesn't deserve someone like my dad. I know I should just accept that they simply accept the relationship but it's hurtful on the long run, knowing they're just pretending.

Son_Son Disappointing my parents
  • replies: 1

Hello good people, I am in my early 20s and a university student. I live with my parents and come from a very strict/closed in family. Everyone in my family has been arranged married and my family wishes the same for me too. I have been with my boyfr... View more

Hello good people, I am in my early 20s and a university student. I live with my parents and come from a very strict/closed in family. Everyone in my family has been arranged married and my family wishes the same for me too. I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 years now and I just told them about him last year. They do not accept him as he comes from a different caste and isn't a 'DOCTOR' or an 'ENGINEERING'. I love him and I love my parents. Past year my relationship with my parents has just gone downhill, I hardly communicate with them and I feel guilty that I have disappointed them by hiding my relationship from them. I constantly feel guilty when I see them and I don't know how to have a normal conversation with them. How do I go on achieving my own dreams and having my own values while still trying to make parents proud? My extended family and my parents have told me that I have disappointed the family and if I continue to be with my boyfriend I will bring shame to the family. There are days when I feel like I should just give up on everything and follow what my family says, and some days I feel as if I shouldn't care what people say and do what makes me happy. How do I not let this situation affect my studies (Final year of my degree) and my personal life. How do I make things better at home? Sending lots of love from Adelaide.

J_M_12345 Mental Illness Is Not Real
  • replies: 10

Hey everyone! So I decided to name this thread "Mental Illness Is Not Real" to have the most appalling title possible and in turn capture the reader's attention, but the sad thing is, this notion that mental illness is not real is still held by many.... View more

Hey everyone! So I decided to name this thread "Mental Illness Is Not Real" to have the most appalling title possible and in turn capture the reader's attention, but the sad thing is, this notion that mental illness is not real is still held by many. I have found this to be commonly the case in some cultural groups such as my own, where there is an attitude of "sucking it up" and that "it's in your head so you control it". Depression is misconstrued as laziness, the excessive spending and reckless behaviour of mania might be described as "spoilt and ungrateful". Anxiety is weakness, and panic attacks are "dramatic" or, I quote, "brought on by yourself". Of course, none of this is true and you'll find that mental illness is every bit as physiological as a broken leg. It's just that the chemicals involved are in the most complex organ of the body, the brain, and the psychology and the workings of the mind are so complex that it may be difficult to fully apprehend. And perhaps that's why. Perhaps we dismiss what we cannot understand. In light of this, was wondering if you guys wanted to discuss the stigma and misunderstanding? Is it more common in some cultural groups than in others? Have you personally faced this "denial of mental illness" and what is the best way to most kindly address it? Hope to hear some stimulating discussion! Cheers, Josette

Ann_from_the_west Muslim girl that used to self harm
  • replies: 3

I used to self haram from the ages of 13 to 15 and I’m now 20. I’ve been clean for 5 years but every time I get really low I start to think about self harming. I feel as though I can’t talk to anyone about it, I feel lonely at times because of my rel... View more

I used to self haram from the ages of 13 to 15 and I’m now 20. I’ve been clean for 5 years but every time I get really low I start to think about self harming. I feel as though I can’t talk to anyone about it, I feel lonely at times because of my religious background and i know there’s no one who would understand. I have a lot of family pressure and I’m not doing good in university, and having trouble saving money because I have to pay for bills. My mum is often hard on me and I’m struggling a lot with my mental health. Although I act and look like a normal happy young adult. I don’t want to talk to my mum about how I’m feeling because when she found out I was self harming when I was 15 she looked down on me and I feel a great deal of shame. I’m honestly so lost! I don’t know what to do with my life. I’m scared that I’m going to be feeling the same years down the road. If suicide was an option I would 100% take it, but religiously we believe that “people who commit suicide go to hell”. im just wanting some advice and want to know what I can do to stop me from having these thoughts!!!

james1 Christmas and New Years without family
  • replies: 6

Hello everyone, To me, Christmas is family time and time spent with loved ones. Unfortunately, most of my family are overseas in China, my immediate family here is split (father and mother divorced) and my partner is overseas on a holiday since I had... View more

Hello everyone, To me, Christmas is family time and time spent with loved ones. Unfortunately, most of my family are overseas in China, my immediate family here is split (father and mother divorced) and my partner is overseas on a holiday since I had to stay home to take care of my dad's dog. So it's been quite a lonely holiday period for me. Yet, I imagine it must be even harder for those who live here on their own with no family here, for whatever reason. I have tried to do as many things as possible with friends, but it's still quite a sad time for me. Does anyone else feel similarly? James

ferrerorocher A mum and wife with no emotions.
  • replies: 8

I am a 29 year old mum of 2 boys (aged 4 and 2) and am pregnant with a #3. I have a wonderful husband and his family is loving and supportive. My parents live overseas and things with them have always been up and down, especially with my mum, but I w... View more

I am a 29 year old mum of 2 boys (aged 4 and 2) and am pregnant with a #3. I have a wonderful husband and his family is loving and supportive. My parents live overseas and things with them have always been up and down, especially with my mum, but I will explain more later. I grew up in a strict Malaysian home - my mum was very controlling and overbearing and probably depressed herself. My dad was always working and worked overseas for a few years where I'd only probably see him once a year, so it was just mum and me in our strained,sometimes toxic relationship. I was a volatile teenager and spiralled from self harm to eating disorders, and also found myself falling into a cycle of bad relationships + sexual abuse. I was never diagnosed with depression back then (because it was taboo and my parents would not even speak of it) but there were certain points where I was suicidal. Moving to Australia provided a fresh start but I found I could not break the cycle of bad relationships and alcohol abuse. It was only when I met my husband that I realised if I wanted to get my life back on track, I had to change. I cleaned up my act and we got engaged/married/had kids etc. But something I never 'healed' from my condition but rather 'shut down' a part of myself so I could function. Basically, I think that I've removed emotions from my life as it was the emotions that made me impulsive and depressive. So now, while I get by, I'm an emotional void and I feel a general disconnect, even from my husband and kids. I barely look anyone in the eye now let alone make emotional connections. My husband is understanding and we co-exist well, but my love is not there. I don't feel love for my kids either, like I do have a strong sense of responsibility over them and I do my best to do things to show that I care, but I can't connect to them on a deeper level. I particularly feel estranged from my elder son, like he can sense my disconnect and is in turn, disconnecting from me. Though he likes to ask me to play with him and I do sit and try but I feel like I am continuously failing his emotional needs. I get angry with him a lot as well, over stupid things, and I try not to express it too much but sometimes it gets the better of me - I've punched a couple of holes in our walls. My younger son is a very touchy feely kissy toddler who is probably the only person at the moment I am connected to, though it may be because of the breastfeeding bond (he only feeds once at bedtime).

TunaMayo Hi everyone!
  • replies: 2

Hello all, I have seen a few forum posts throughout the year and I feel like it's time for me to make an account to ask advice for my anxiety/depression and hopefully help others. Some background on myself: - I suffer from anxiety and depression - I ... View more

Hello all, I have seen a few forum posts throughout the year and I feel like it's time for me to make an account to ask advice for my anxiety/depression and hopefully help others. Some background on myself: - I suffer from anxiety and depression - I was suicidal at the end of 2016 (despite nothing major happening in my life) and ended up seeing a psychologist from a GP reference. I started taking anti-depressants and I was sceptical at first but it actually worked. - After taking anti-depressants on an ongoing basis, I found a job while being a student. It was great. - Was able to get rid of my driving phobia. It was a harsh journey of being behind the wheel, sweating and shaking with lots of worries in my mind but I managed to pull through with lots of practice. Now I can drive anywhere! Not everything was positive though, I had a few issues and some that will never be solved: - My parents doesn't understand what depression is, even after explaining it to them in their native language. It has been 2 years since I've been to the psychologist and they still don't understand. - Months later after I coming off anti-depressants, I felt it was back again. I took anti-depressants again which made me realise that I can't live my life without it and I am somewhat doomed to be stuck with depression for the rest of my life. - I am Asexual, I would like to have friends without romantic feelings involved - which I then try minimise human interaction and distance myself. I end up feeling lonely but it is for the sake of them to not develop any feelings towards me which would highly likely break our friendship. In addition, I'm an introvert. I'll probably have near to no friends at this rate. I'll be lurking around these forums and posting time to time. I hope we get along!