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BeyondBlue Hi! Read this if you are not sure what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Beyond Blue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. Beyond B... View more

Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Beyond Blue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. Beyond Blue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage and want a specific space to share their experience. Please be aware that posts on the Beyond Blue Forums may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our Forums guidelines, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Beyond Blue

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HNM Please help
  • replies: 4

Hi I am from India and have been married for 6+ years. As my was an arranged marriage things were very different before marriage. As it was a long distance relationship as my husband was in Australia and I was in UK we got engaged for almost a year a... View more

Hi I am from India and have been married for 6+ years. As my was an arranged marriage things were very different before marriage. As it was a long distance relationship as my husband was in Australia and I was in UK we got engaged for almost a year and then got married. I never lived or had a chance to live with his parents. But after the marriage things were very different. After the marriage things started becoming bad. So eventually I came to Australia and my in laws came after a month of my arrival (2013) since then things have become from bad to worse. My husband applied for there visa so that they can live unconditionally here. From the past 4 years we are living together. As my husband is in Fly In Fly Out (fifo) so he is just in house for weekends. My in laws they interfere in each and every thing. From the start of my marriage both of them always try to let me down in front of everybody. It's my house but I had to ask or seek permission from them to do something. If I am doing something they will tell me that the way I am doing the things is wrong and then make a fuss of it. First when they started living with us I use to avoid everything and if they say something I use to avoid it. I have never raised my voice or disrespected them. But they have problem with everything. It seems like this is not my house or my life I am staying on rent. I have no body for my support. I used to talk to my husband but now he has said to me that you have to live with them so handle it itself. Front the start of my marriage I have been facing so many difficulties that after 3 years of marriage we were about to get divorced. My relationship with my husband is getting bad. We do not talk to each other. It's just when we talk we fight. I am in such a condition that I can not live with them or leave them as I have a four year old son who loves his father. I dont know what to do. I am always crying and feeling frustrated about it. Thanks

Idontevenknow Slight trauma from childhood racism?
  • replies: 2

Hi all, This is kind of random but has anyone else here been through racist incidents that have really hurt them or had a domino effect on the rest of their lives. I'm half Japanese, half English but born and raised in Australia. I was asked by a men... View more

Hi all, This is kind of random but has anyone else here been through racist incidents that have really hurt them or had a domino effect on the rest of their lives. I'm half Japanese, half English but born and raised in Australia. I was asked by a mental health professional recently about any events in my childhood which may have lead to who I am and my mental state now. I couldn't think of this at the time but now I keep thinking about this time when I was in Kindergarten/Prep/(the year before grade 1 whatever you want to call it) and I had a teacher who everyone hated. Me and this other boy were the only half Asians and she treated us both like crap. I remember three specific incidents where she made me feel worthless, stupid, idiotic and even made me cry a few times. I was four and now I have a feeling it has destroyed my school experience and cultural identity immensely. Can anyone relate or have any advice to get over it?

Quercus Confused about my identity and culture
  • replies: 2

Hi all, Firstly...I understand this topic can easily become offensive so I ask please could anyone who replies be considerate of eachother. I will try do this myself too because I would like this topic not to have to be closed. Recently I attended a ... View more

Hi all, Firstly...I understand this topic can easily become offensive so I ask please could anyone who replies be considerate of eachother. I will try do this myself too because I would like this topic not to have to be closed. Recently I attended a brainstorming forum to suggest ideas of how the government could improve the rights of women. I was one of the only people there as a non professional and honestly felt stupid and inadequate. I spoke to a woman there on a break and her views have upset and shaken me even now over a week later. She was there as a professional. A counsellor, highly educated and fascinating to speak to. She was comfortable to discuss what it means to her to be an Indigenous Australian and answer my many questions without taking offense. In particular, we spoke about how I find being called a non indigenous Australian offensive. One thing she said threw me completely. I cannot understand it. She suggested that my intergenerational trauma is that I have lost my culture and identity. That I don't know who I am. That because the DNA test said I am mostly English with a touch of Irish blood that I needed to find and reconnect with my culture. At the time it just confused me. I brushed it off as "agree to disagree". But the more I think about it the more upset I feel. I'm not English. I'm not Irish. I have absolutely no desire to seek out or try on another culture for size. I'm Australian. Non Aboriginal yes. But I do have a culture and an identity and I don't belong anywhere but here. Until that moment I had never realised someone could see me as a person without culture. I suppose to direct this can of worms the question I'm asking is this... If you have no living memory of another culture, feel no sense of loss or disconnect and have family who are happy and proud of their culture as they see it, how can it be intergenerational trauma? Is this how many Aboriginal people see people like me? Thanks. Nat

Felix101 Depression as a taboo
  • replies: 3

Hey, this is the first time I’m actually acknowledging the way I feel... even typing this makes me feel like i’m being dramatic in some way, and will probably burden the person who may choose to read this. I’m sorry and thank you. For a long time I’v... View more

Hey, this is the first time I’m actually acknowledging the way I feel... even typing this makes me feel like i’m being dramatic in some way, and will probably burden the person who may choose to read this. I’m sorry and thank you. For a long time I’ve been feeling like every day is such a drag, I have hobbies and I have amazing friends. But for some reason it’s like I want to be disconnected from everything and everyone. I don’t feel like there is a reason for me to wake up even though there are many, I just feel like running but I don’t even know from what. I’ve had 1 panic attack just when I was in year 8 (and now I’m 18) in which I’ve had to be hospitalised just for me overthinking common situations. Recently I’ve received my ATAR, and it was surprisingly high however it gave me no sense of satisfaction. My parents were delighted and so were my friends. I recieved an offer from my dream university, yet I felt no joy. I always feel like I’m disappointing myself, like I just can’t be happy. A lot of people that are close to me often say that I’m changing into someone who’s ‘boring’ and emotionless, honestly that really stings. The truth is all I feel is darkness and I wouldn’t want anyone to know that, so I just suppress my feelings instead. I try to be happy and cheerful, but sometimes it just doesn’t happen. Inside I know that I am depressed but I am way too scared to get help, or even admit it to myself out lout. Signing up here, was probably the biggest step I’ve taken in these few years. About a month ago, my mother asked me if I’m depressed, however she said it in a very undermining tone that made me hesitantly reply, “heck no, I’m no maniac,” to which she responded; “that’s my strong child.” I love my mother, except in our south-Asian culture this is just not really talked about. I just don’t know what to do, this issue is such a taboo amongst my family and makes me feel weak, like I’m disappointing not only myself, but everyone around me. I hate feeling this way but I can’t make it go away, and every day it becomes worse. I just have no idea how to even bring up this topic with anyone I know, because I never tend to talk about the way I feel. But I have to because I can’t go on pretending anymore, and I’m sick of hearing “you’re becoming boring,” and “it’d be nice if you showed some expressions.” Sighs.

YouCanCallMeAl Racism among gay community
  • replies: 3

I'm a professional in my 20's and have, for the past few years struggled with finding a group of gay men who don't, to some degree, hold racist values. I am a person of colour of Middle Eastern descent and have really struggled with this. The racism ... View more

I'm a professional in my 20's and have, for the past few years struggled with finding a group of gay men who don't, to some degree, hold racist values. I am a person of colour of Middle Eastern descent and have really struggled with this. The racism I experience is not so much overt, but subtle exclusions from weekend parties, ghosting, turned backs at clubs and being made to feel that, if you're in a room with these people, you may well have been invited to the event, but in reality they don't give a rat's arse about who you are, what you have to say or do, they're all fake interactions. I have virtually no gay friends and sometimes I find it hard to decide if it's something to do with pent up shame that I avoid the gay scene now, or whether I feel worn down by being let down by the gay scene. I spent so many years of my early teens looking forward to being welcomed into the community, being told that 'its okay to come out, theres a community waiting for you' and then having broken through cultural family barriers coming out, I find out that the gay community I desperately want to be welcomed into have their own racist barriers. When I have dated guys, albeit only for short amounts of time, I've noticed that they often have a 'thing' for Middle Eastern guys with a portfolio of carbon copy hook ups that precede and follow me. It's quite distressing to see that I am actually the subject of their fetish rather than just seeing me for me. Should I be annoyed by that? Any advice about just surviving in the white gay man world?

ayylmao Move on or stay?
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone. I would like some opinions on what whether I should move on with life or stay with my culture. So I have been living in Australia for a good few years. The culture is different here, the accent the slang etc. Etc. It was only at the sta... View more

Hey everyone. I would like some opinions on what whether I should move on with life or stay with my culture. So I have been living in Australia for a good few years. The culture is different here, the accent the slang etc. Etc. It was only at the start of this year, that i have really started to appreciate the culture here, the opportunity here and just how people do things here. Thinking back a few years ago, I always felt left out and disadvantaged because of language barriers and culture barriers. Its hard for me to get a good job, keep friends etc. I thought that it was cuz of my skin color, my name, accent etc. I don't what it is. Im starting to think that my background is whats holding me back in life. I don't know anymore.

Peppermintbach Identity, culture and self-acceptance
  • replies: 4

Hi all, The subject of culture and identity has been on my mind a lot lately. It has taken me some time to come to terms with it, and I’m still coming to terms with it. For a long time, and I suspect that this is quite common for people from a CALD b... View more

Hi all, The subject of culture and identity has been on my mind a lot lately. It has taken me some time to come to terms with it, and I’m still coming to terms with it. For a long time, and I suspect that this is quite common for people from a CALD background, I used to reject my heritage. Growing up, it was a regular occurrence for me to hear certain slurs about my culture(s), mostly from classmates at school. I used to wish that I looked less like me, because I knew that my looks reflected my heritage, which was why classmates used to target me. I would try to hide my lunch, because I knew the rice in my lunchbox would be the subject of ridicule. I refused to speak my native language outside of the family home. If a relative was speaking our first language in public, I would physically move away to try to dissociate with what that language represented...I felt ashamed and deeply embarrassed. That’s the thing, I think when we are made fun of/discriminated against for something that is completely beyond our control (e.g. our cultural heritage), we internalise that shame and carry it with us. It can take time to untangle that, and it can confuse us about our sense of identity... It has taken me a long time to start accepting my own eastern cultural heritage, which is that of my parents and extended family. But I also identify with many aspects of western culture too. Im speaking very generally about east and west here, but of course I’m aware that within eastern and western cultures, there are individual cultures...I’m speaking generally because I don’t necessarily want to give exact details about my cultural heritage for the purpose of anonymity. Anyway, I suppose what I’m trying to express is I’ve come to realise that I identify with both, and that it’s okay to see myself as both. I would love to hear about others’ personal experiences in terms of culture(s) and identity

Peart How to deal with unaware racist parents
  • replies: 1

I suffer from my clinical depression and anxiety. I came from a quite traditional Asian family. My mom is naive, submissive and co-dependent. My dad is a typical Asian patriarchal male who is misogynistic, close-minded and stubborn. I don't have any ... View more

I suffer from my clinical depression and anxiety. I came from a quite traditional Asian family. My mom is naive, submissive and co-dependent. My dad is a typical Asian patriarchal male who is misogynistic, close-minded and stubborn. I don't have any respect for him as he has been constantly cheating on my mom with multiple different women, even though my mom has technically given him her entire youth and life so far. There are so many things that would trigger me when talking about my parents but I'll try to focus on one thing that has destroyed a bit of the strong mentality I've been trying to build. I have been living with my partner, who is from a different race. My parents, on the surface, have been accepting towards my relationships but my dad has been making racist remarks behind my back about him during our entire relationship. I found out about that pretty early on and got really mad. My mom had to calm me down because I wouldn't talk to my dad for a while. They've been more careful with what they said since then, making sure I don't know about it. Today he was a bit drunk and called me. He demanded to video call me and my partner. I blamed my stupidity for picking up his call. After seeing my partner and me, he started asking embarrassing drunk questions so I cut him off and hung up. He called again and I picked up otherwise he'd caused a lot of drama if I didn't, but I didn't let him talk to my partner. He started making racist remarks about his colour and his country. He praised our heritage and disrespected his background. He asked me if people ever looked at us funny when we went out together because he thought I looked so much better than him. It really upset me and hurt me deeply because I'm so ashamed of the things he's said. I couldn't tell my partner about that because it has upset me so much I wouldn't want to upset him as well. The phone call has completely thrown me off my mood and now I can't focus on finishing a big assignment that's due tomorrow. I don't know how to deal with this because I have serious future plan with my partner and my parents still have to be a part of my life. I can't cut my dad off because my mom wouldn't cut my dad off and I still want her to be a part of my life. Even though she's naive and manipulated by him, she doesn't deserve someone like my dad. I know I should just accept that they simply accept the relationship but it's hurtful on the long run, knowing they're just pretending.

Son_Son Disappointing my parents
  • replies: 1

Hello good people, I am in my early 20s and a university student. I live with my parents and come from a very strict/closed in family. Everyone in my family has been arranged married and my family wishes the same for me too. I have been with my boyfr... View more

Hello good people, I am in my early 20s and a university student. I live with my parents and come from a very strict/closed in family. Everyone in my family has been arranged married and my family wishes the same for me too. I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 years now and I just told them about him last year. They do not accept him as he comes from a different caste and isn't a 'DOCTOR' or an 'ENGINEERING'. I love him and I love my parents. Past year my relationship with my parents has just gone downhill, I hardly communicate with them and I feel guilty that I have disappointed them by hiding my relationship from them. I constantly feel guilty when I see them and I don't know how to have a normal conversation with them. How do I go on achieving my own dreams and having my own values while still trying to make parents proud? My extended family and my parents have told me that I have disappointed the family and if I continue to be with my boyfriend I will bring shame to the family. There are days when I feel like I should just give up on everything and follow what my family says, and some days I feel as if I shouldn't care what people say and do what makes me happy. How do I not let this situation affect my studies (Final year of my degree) and my personal life. How do I make things better at home? Sending lots of love from Adelaide.

J_M_12345 Mental Illness Is Not Real
  • replies: 10

Hey everyone! So I decided to name this thread "Mental Illness Is Not Real" to have the most appalling title possible and in turn capture the reader's attention, but the sad thing is, this notion that mental illness is not real is still held by many.... View more

Hey everyone! So I decided to name this thread "Mental Illness Is Not Real" to have the most appalling title possible and in turn capture the reader's attention, but the sad thing is, this notion that mental illness is not real is still held by many. I have found this to be commonly the case in some cultural groups such as my own, where there is an attitude of "sucking it up" and that "it's in your head so you control it". Depression is misconstrued as laziness, the excessive spending and reckless behaviour of mania might be described as "spoilt and ungrateful". Anxiety is weakness, and panic attacks are "dramatic" or, I quote, "brought on by yourself". Of course, none of this is true and you'll find that mental illness is every bit as physiological as a broken leg. It's just that the chemicals involved are in the most complex organ of the body, the brain, and the psychology and the workings of the mind are so complex that it may be difficult to fully apprehend. And perhaps that's why. Perhaps we dismiss what we cannot understand. In light of this, was wondering if you guys wanted to discuss the stigma and misunderstanding? Is it more common in some cultural groups than in others? Have you personally faced this "denial of mental illness" and what is the best way to most kindly address it? Hope to hear some stimulating discussion! Cheers, Josette