Interracial Dating - How to overcome Walls

[blueskye]

I'm Australian born and my ethnicity is Chinese. My partner is Western.

Being in an interracial relationship comes with walls/issues that would not have been there if I dated someone else with the same ethnic background.

Issues that I came across with my partner included - language barrier (he can't speak Chinese so he can't communicate with my Mum), not understanding traditions (e.g. no shoes inside the house), other people assume I'm a gold-digger (when I actually pay for everything), his family initially thought I was temporary (an international student or studying exchange from Asia, his family initially thought I didn't know English (his Mum spoke extra slow with me when we first had a chat, even though I can speak English just fine), etc. The list goes on.

** The question to those in interracial relationships - How do YOU deal with problems from your relationship? **

With me, I tried my best to educate my partner, his family and others. If his family said something I considered not funny because it was racist, I wouldn't laugh. Instead, I maintained a deadpan face. It seems to be working because there hasn't been any racist comment for ages. Apart from my deadpan face, I'm my fabulous self to his family. I show them then I love my partner and that our relationship is awesome. My partner has adapted to comply with my culture and is very stubborn about remaining in a relationship with me, which I love. At the end of the day, it's our relationship, not anyone else's. I think we look very cute together!

[Donte]

How does one ‘date’ these days? As a middle-aged widower, I find it overwhelmingly challenging, if not impossible altogether, to be suddenly ‘out on the market’ again.

I’ve joined a few APPS last year, as I seldom go out or interact in social settings and so the likelihood of meeting someone is scarce, but I find most people on those APPS are for a quick one-off hook up and nothing more. People seem to be addicted to the chase rather than actually ‘finding’ someone.

Totally disillusioned, I deleted my profiles and stopped the ‘search’. Nowadays, I hope it might happen ‘organically’, let’s say while I take the rubbish out or something along those lines. And if not, we’ll, there’s still plenty of trash to throw out.

[Birdy77]

Hey Donte',

How about joining a group, like an interest/social/hobby group for gay men etc? Or attending a social event such as a Pride event if there are any in your area? Can meet people which might lead to friendships which might lead to .. who knows?

Just a thought.

🌻birdy

[Donte]

Thanks Birdy,

Did this years ago but mostly felt I don't belong in the 'gay culture' or 'scene'...maybe if I get into a dog grooming group or pet walking or dog minding or something involving Jeeps and 4X4...

Thank you for the suggestion. X

[NikObi]

Hi bluesky,

I love your story. I’m also in a similar situation. My partner & I have been together for 7 years. He’s English & I’m Asian. I have been having the same problem with him understanding what the big deal is with wearing shoes inside the house. Sometimes I think it’s his stubbornness & refusal to listen. Also, I’m all alone here. My family are still in Asia. And to make matters worse, I’m very shy to the point of social phobia level. The last few years it’s been getting harder for me to cope. There’s so much cultural differences & I felt like I don’t even want to bother with him & his family. His family are nice, but I always feel like they were just nice on the superficial level. So I know how you feel. And I was hoping if there’s someone here who can advice me how to cope with this. Family are important for me, so I don’t really want to end up being bitter to him & his family. I just wish his family would want to actually understand or at least go halfway learning about the cultural differences.