'Do I look big in these?' - Body image, cultural conditioning, peer-pressure and mental and emotional well being.

[Donte]

Everywhere I look today there is a gym, an exercise class, a dance/fitness session; people running, power walking, playing sport, dieting etc. Countless hours at the gym are invested in achieving the perfect body. Fat is considered a medical disability and the body image issues in our society are wildly out of control.

We have objectified the human physique to the point that many feel that they aren't worthy of a relationship unless they have at least tried to improve their bodies. Sex is mostly portrayed as something of a beauty pageant and less an intimate connection of lovemaking and fellowship. In short, it's all about the body.

In the midst of our obesity epidemic (what a paradox), many see their bodies through the lens of future attainments. By this I mean that they try to tolerate their current body because they hold the belief that in a few months or years, it will be much improved. I have a brother who is at the gym daily. I have an ex wife who is on a permanent dieting regime. I am surrounded by coworkers, neighbors and friends who never actually accept their body as it is in the present moment..."I need to lose this layer of fat so my abs will show", or "When summer comes, I will be in top shape for the beach."

No matter what the body type, there's always some other image to aspire to.

Accepting your body in the present moment isn't about not having fitness goals. It's about loving who you are and how you look right now, no matter what changes you might make in the future. It's about knowing that making changes in your body is a worthwhile hobby, but it isn't going to make you more desirable or loveable.

I grew up in a country where naked statues and paintings of hot, chiseled bodies were everywhere. Nudity and perfection has been depicted in our art and praised in our literature for thousands of years.

Today, it seems, not much has changed!

Sure, a really hot body will get you noticed and probably even a date or two. But at the end of the day, it isn't part of the equation of an emotionally satisfying relationship. Look around and notice that people with amazing bodies don't have more successful relationships.

There is a problem that plagues our culture: a persistent inability to accept our bodies and the ageing process. This could be a reflection of our internal shame. We are trying to make ourselves more acceptable and less flawed, less shameful.

Body acceptance is an important part of developing authenticity and enjoying intimacy.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Donte’,

I have little insight to share but I just wanted to commend you on such a thoughtful post. I really enjoyed reading it...

Pepper xoxo

[quirkywords]

Donte

What a detailed and well reasoned post.

I was brought up in a culture where chicken soup was believed to cure everything. Where to reject food that had been cooked for you was an insult, and it was believed you could never eat too much. Exercise was going from the house to the car.

Of course in the wider community I was a plump child who was no good at sports and often made fun of.

I think when I was breastfeeding my children I felt good about my body for first time in my life as I could eat what liked and I lost weight. I also felt very maternal.

Now as I am older I actually feel better about my body than I did when younger as I think about what my body can do not what it looks like. I have never been to a gym in my but I walk everyday and I know I will never be slim or a beauty but I am me and that’s ok.

I remember reading that if you don’t like yourself when yoverweight you won’t like yourself when you have lost weight.

I have seen beautiful models complaining about their thighs so if they can’t like their bodies it makes it hard for the rest.

People who have a physical disability find it hard when there are not images of them and there has been a movement to get more models with a physical disability.

Quirky

[Donte]

Thank you Pepper,

In my country of origin there is a very popular saying: ‘The Mind is healthy when the body is too’. It’s an ancient saying that keeps infiltrating each generation. The connotation is that Mind and Body are connected and if one suffers the other will too.

Of course there are people who are unwell physically but their mind is sharp and healthy and vice versa. But I think the idea behind this phrase is that there must be balance between body and mind.

As our mind is always evolving and developing within our physical brains, the healthy body will affect positively the mind and the other way around.

A negative body image will affect the way one thinks and feels about themselves and the way they interact and engage with others around them and the world. It can affect perceptions and self-confidence and esteem.

Similarly, a great body doesn’t doom you necessarily to shallow and superficial relationships. It does, however, send a very subtle message to others: “physique is very important to me - maybe even the most important thing - so if you want to be with me, you better have something to offer”.

On a relational level, other people may be incredibly interesting and emotionally compatible, but that might not the criterion, and hence, one never meets them.They, in turn, may just assume that the gym fit person would never be interested in someone who doesn’t have a perfect body.

The long and short of it is that an unhealthy obsession with body image and physique perfection can create a scenario that can make it difficult to form a relationship based solely on authenticity and emotional connection.

I’m not against exercise or healthy lifestyles. I do acknowledge the importance of keeping fit and having fitness goals according to individual health, conditions and age etc. This will enhance the mental health and well being of the person.

Certain cultures discourage physical activity and promote obesity and this needs to be challenged not only as a physical health issue but also as a mental health risk.

The important lesson here is that one doesn’t allow themselves to become consumed with over achieving. To not become addicted to exercise as the path this can create may ultimately lead to a lonely and emotionally unfulfilling life that can affect the mental well being of the individual.

[Donte]

Hello Quirkywords,

Thank you for sharing your experience here.

Food and mood is definitely connected. Many studies and research indicate that our gut is the centre of our immune system and that the gut and the brain are directly connected and influence each other’s health and performance.

There is a beautiful, nurturing, loving and caring element linked with food and feeding and the warmth of family and belonging. Food is intricately linked in our well being and the relationships we form.

I still enjoy cooking for my daughter and having dinners with her and prepare her lunch even though she’s an adult. At times I even meet her for lunch or go for breakfast on her day off and enjoy our connection and fellowship. I also enjoy our walks and swims and the ocassional gym or exercise session.

There are certain groups in various communities who still hold cultural or religious notions that discourage women exercising. There are also cultures where obesity is cherished and looked up with favour and as a sign of happiness and prosperity. It’s good to challenge those notions and educate people in regards to the physical and emotional and mental health benefits of an active lifestyle and healthy diet.

There are also certain groups within each culture that have gone to the other extreme and exercise and gym become an obsession; where body image is everything. This can be equally harmful and unhealthy.

Thank you for sharing your experience in regards to the beauty of motherhood and breastfeeding and the positive effect on your self-image and wellbeing.

Also, how healthy to see what our bodies can do instead of how they look!

And the idea of positive images and role models for people with physical disabilities sounds great! We all need to see our humanity and abilities under a different light in order to develop positive outcomes for our mental health.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Donte’ and Quirky (plus a wave to all),

I feel you have written some very heartfelt and thoughtful replies.

Yes, I get what you’re saying about how the mind and body are interconnected. One affects the either as neither can exist without the other...

I feel it can be tricky sometimes to find the right balance between adequate exercise and overdoing (or underdoing) it. I suppose this will be different for each person...

In my cultures, a person’s appearance is considered very important. Growing up, I found that many of my relatives were very well groomed, stylish and paid a lot of attention to their presentation/appearance especially when in public. One of my uncles is probably one of the most fashion forward people you’ll ever meet. His wife (one of my aunts) spends considerable time trying out various latest fad diets and frequently visits day spas...it’s very much entrenched in my culture(s)...

It would be interesting to hear more about how different cultures view body image...

Pepper xoxo

[Donte]

Hi Pepper,

True. Self-image and body awareness can influence our mental and emotional wellbeing and the way we see ourselves and others. It impacts on our confidence and self-esteem and our ability to interact and relate with others.

The messages we get from media, culture, society and religion are often conflicting and confusing.

There are also huge generational differences in attitudes to exercise, health, body image and wellbeing.

Each individual has their own measures of what’s good looking and healthy and what’s not, despite the collective ideals that their community or society holds.

Would be great to hear more views on this topic. It still seems to be a taboo or ‘sensitive’issue in many cultures and something (like age) which is not often openly discussed without conflict.

The preoccupation with anything really is often unhealthy even if the goal is good and positive. For example, undoubtedly exercise and physical activity is a positive and important thing but if it becomes a sick obsession that creates stress and anxiety and leads to comparisons and self-absorption and preoccupation with ones looks, clearly it can turn into a mental health issue affecting the individual and impacting on their relationships with others and interaction with the world.

Let’s hear some of your experiences (positive or negative) and how you’ve dealt with them to create a recovery mindset.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Donte’ and all,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply 🙂

I agree that self image and body awareness is a multi-layered and complex issue. Yes, I feel individually, we have our unique perspective of what constitutes health and body norms.

That said, I do feel this perspective doesn’t necessarily exist in isolation as it can be influenced by a range of other thing like cultural standards of health and beauty, media, etc (all of which, you have mentioned).

I’m okay with my body, for the most part, these days. I take a more behavioural and action oriented approach when it comes to my physical health rather than necessarily targeting specific thoughts. I’ve found that sometimes behaviour changes precede thought changes i.e. if I’m feeling physically healthy, my mind is in a better state too and I feel better about myself.

I commit to regular exercise and try my best to eat a somewhat balanced diet. I also take care of my appearance with skincare, make-up, clothes that I like, etc. I’ve found when I feel physically good, I’m also in a much better place emotionally too 🙂

Thanks Donte’

Pepper xoxo

[Donte]

Hello Pepper,

This sounds like a good approach to have towards your recovery mindset.

Every bit counts and all is connected.

From what we know something like 80% of health maintenance is diet-related and the rest exercise and activity.

There is now a scientific evidence that our gut and our brain is directly linked and food influences mood.

This is such an interesting discovery! We can alter our brain health via our gut health. Maybe after all ‘we are what we eat and what we think!’ - as the common saying goes...

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Donte’ and all,

Thank you so much, and yes, I agree with you that body and mind are interconnected 🙂

I have read before that diet is the single most significant factor that affects our weight. While exercise, etc is important too, diet is still the single biggest determinant of how well we manage our weight (or for most people at least). Obviously this may not apply if a person has an illness, health condition, etc.

Thanks Donte’

Pepper xoxo