This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

I've managed to chill after a couple of days stress leave. Reset myself. 

Dropped in to say hi and thinking of you all. I'm relaxing in bed, keeping warm watching doccos. 

[quirkywords]

V 

thanks for the update. your day sounds like my kind of day. i like do us or movies based on true stories. I am glad you took some leave.

I wonder does anyone sometimes find when a person annoys them that they become irritable and not the person they see themselves as. I like to see myself as kind and patient yet there is a person I used to volunteer with who seemed to bring our my impatient side. 
I was aware of it and so chose not to work near that person. just wonder if anyone else had this experience. 

[asdff]

Quirky, I am rather impatient. There are certain people that make this worse or they bring out the worst side of me. There is someone I cannot avoid that baits people. Says things that they know will get a reaction from the person. 

Velvet, I hope you get some rest. 

I’m waiting for the children to go back to school. I am feeling a crash coming on. 

[quirkywords]

Asdff

i find people who niggle and bait must be avoided or sarcastic quirky rears her head and she is not  nice!!!

[asdff]

It’s a headache kind of day, along with tears and feeling average. I’m putting my tasks on list to get thing done. Kids back to school tomorrow. The change in routine really does a number on me. 

[velvetfaerie]

Most people either don't know, don't care or don't understand. The ability to self reflect for most doesn't exist. Ego gets in the way. Differing opinions need not end friendships but many throw fits if they're not validated. 

People who bait for a reaction, preying upon another's vulnerability, is trash. Utter trash.

After my year so far I've re evaluated a lot of my friendships and the vast majority can run along. 

So far, me standing up for myself isn't going well. They get used to being able to manipulate you.

No more.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

I learn a lot from your posts. I often feel others manipulate  me but only when it is too late. 
asdff

I was a list maker and my lists had lists. Hope life becomes more manageable. 

[asdff]

I’m sure there are a few people out there that would react in the same way. Today I had a missed call from child’s school. Voicemail was left. My brain goes to anxiety. Oh my goodness something has happened. I thought it was do with a form that we submitted.

I tried ringing the school. My call was unanswered. Then I got an email and it was good news. Who else has their brain jump to the negative? I was trying to self soothe and say it was going to be alright.  

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I always think of the worst scenario. I expect the worst and hope for the best. 

[quirkywords]

How is everyone. I didn’t have the internet for a day and realised how I rely on it  for information and to connect to people on the internet . 

has anyone ever said to you, ‘ you don’t look depressed, etc.

I want to say , what does a depressed person look like.?