This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Sorry I missed the surgery comment Lisa. I hope it all goes well. For myself, when I've had running repairs on the body, it's been nerve wracking yes, but once I recovered, the best outcomes ever. I don't regret my elective surgeries one little bit. I'm not sure if yours is elective though? I hope the outcome is amazing.

Thinking of asdff being down. Sending positive vibes.

I bought myself stuff online yesterday. Why not. I may have had a few drinks as well which is unusual in that I drank the whole bottle of wine haahahaha. I slept well.

Been hectic 2 weeks at work. Bigger cracks showing. It's taking initiative, problem solving skills and just using your brain. You'd be surprised at how many people can't look at a situation and problem solve it. Sometimes there is no solution though!!!

I'm just keeping things simple for me. I don't have much to give beyond my own needs at the moment. Coasting along.

[asdff]

Thank you my friends.My husband is home now, although he is asleep.

[Leisa68]

Asdff, I hope things are better for you, for now, I hope you have some peace.

I am reading a book called 'Larrimah', which is a true story of a town in the outback which has a population of 12, and they all hate each other. Then one goes missing which puts everyone there as a suspect. It's quite a rollicking read and it's funny as I saw on television the other day that they are going to hold a coroner's inquest into the case of this individual. He is obviously still missing but in the middle of the outback, you cannot hide in another town as people will talk. Oh, and there is a one-eyed croc in the story too.

No spiraling today. I"m thanking my lucky stars. Hope you are all well.

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I hope you are improving.

Velvet,

Keeping things simple and coasting along seems like a sensible plan.

leisa , what an interesting book.

This time next week it is Easter, I find that so surprising.

[asdff]

I hope the surgery goes okay.

Velvet, good on you for online shopping. Airies and I do lots of that.

Leisa, I love reading. The escapism is sublime.

I was okay today. I didn’t cry as much as the previous days.

[Airies]

Leisa, that book sounds like a scream and I do love your descriptive narrative when describes books and other stuff. I was once an avid . My concentration isn’t what it used to be. My bike and I hit the dust today @ 0 kph. Bikes ok that’s the important thing and I’ve either broken a bone or badly strained my arch. Someone saw me fall and I thanked her for asking.

Asdff I hope you are doing ok. V sounds like your doing what’s good for you. I’m forever buying stuff online.Quirky I could have spent hours in your bookshop. Sadly these bookshops are declining, though I found a beautiful one in Echuca or Healesville… my memory fails but I do remember a gilt buying a first edition of a book and paying a nice sum.

[quirkywords]

Airies

Have you been to the book festival at Clunes . It think that is the name. I would have loved to have gone there.
There is a town in Wales that has over 32 bookshops.

[velvetfaerie]

I'm doing my best for me. Haha. I bought a chainsaw on a pole for my trees. Feels very liberating to do this.

Discovered more evidence I've freed myself from an abuser. I really hope karma belts him sideways. He sickens me.

[Leisa68]

Took the little guy out to see "The Batman" today. The movie length was three hours long. A lot of movies are definitely creeping up to "The Godfather" mark where a long movie length is a norm. Happily, my son was not bored through the whole thing there were only around four swearwords (and not the "f" word) and it was actually quite a good movie. Batman in this one was a broody Batman.

I must study this week. I'm starting to let things drift a bit. No spiraling today. I hope you are all well.

[quirkywords]

V

I believe in karma but in my experience it can rake a long time.
That’s what I believe.

leisa last time I went with my son to watch a film I fell asleep!

You are a good mum.