This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

just dropping in for a quick hello.

Welcome Saphira. My anger comes with mean words and before I know it I have said something I regret. In my past I would break things and slam doors so I can relate. When I went on medication it calmed the physical anger.

I am away from home and dont have much wifi access so just trying to catch up. Hope everyone is keeping warm.

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

I am exactly the same Saphira.

I am also pretty sure I replied yesterday but clearly the internet ate my reply or it was moderated and I received no email !

But yes, I have a hair trigger temper at times. I am not so much a screamer but I use my vocabulary to destroy people. I have put holes in walls. I have destroyed things. I have lashed out in ways I regret later. But as you say, once it starts...... it is like an avalanche. I just want to absolutely wipe whatever it was that pushed that button, off the face of the planet. I have the rage.

Had an incident on the way home from work yesterday where a guy nearly took off the front end of my car. I flipped him off no big deal. He then manoeuvred around traffic to come back to try and sideswipe me. Well that was it. Dangerous stuff ensued. I got photos and a number plate as a result. He thought it was funny that trying to side swipe me off the road. We shall see. We. Shall. See.

V.

[velvetfaerie]

Seems I am not allowed to outline things in similar fashion to other posts.

[Airies]

Sapphira,

i break out in song at the weirdest times. I used to be quite emotional, angry at the oddest things. My current meds and treatments keep me fairly level. Unfortunatelly due the meds I'm incapable of showing much emotion at all. I really have no alternative at the moment.At times I hate this as well but through it all I'm in a much better place.

Cheers LM

[white knight]

Hi Saphira welcome

Me and my 2 siblings have or had issues- fragility of mood/stress, temperamental, nastiness, over reactive, desire to escape society, emotional.

My brother at 26yo took his life in 1979. No doubt had the above issues but undiagnosed. My sister and I both diagnosed with bp2, depression and anxiety. I also have dysthymia.

Just like quirky when I let off steam I say regretful words. In fact in that action I draw parallels with that sympton in ADHD with "foot in mouth", when we talk without thinking. But that could be my mania. Some illnesses cross over. I was misdiagnosed in 2003 with bp1 and ADHD and had neither but some dymptoms were there.

Tony WK

[The_Possum]

Saphira

I don't get physically anger ever, I don't think I could ever punch or kick anything or throw things etc

But internally my blood boils, like literally I feel like I may explode, that's usually when the anxiety starts and my heart is racing.

I usually say things I don't mean and later regret. It's just panic on my behalf but it doesn't change what I've done. This can include sending off a text or email where I might offend the other person. Even though they may deserve it, the real me wouldn't stoop that low to say the things I point out. So it's not a behaviour I like.

I'm learning to walk away more and more from people and things that make me angry or don't seem fair. It just puts my body through so much and it's tiring.

[The_Possum]

Has anyone dealt with ultra rapid cycling bipolar?

Where your mood and are and down in a four week period, unusually and abnormally from what yoh mood usually do?

[quirkywords]

The possum

The only experience I have had of ultra rapid cycling was at the end of a depression before I went high and would have a week or so of one day up one day down, was exhausting. At the end of a high I would go down and up sometimes in a day over a week. This would not happen every cycle but maybe a couple of times a year.

What are you dealing with?

Quirky

[The_Possum]

Thanks Quirky

My moods have been up and down within the same day even and there isn't any particular event or anything triggering it as far as we can see.

I spoke to my psychiatrist and he thinks it may be the new AD that was added to the mix a few weeks ago, so going to go off that and increase another one I'm on.

He said it's rapid cycling / mixed episode.. I had no idea this can happen.

It's not massive highs but going from 3/10 there is no points to 7/10 yep I'm the best.

D'oh..

[Saphira]

Sorry to hear about your brother Tony WK, Fragility of mood would be a great way to explain how I feel most of the time.