This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Lisa611]

Well im in the hospital. My room mate is a real character. Very talkative. I will be iñ here for a couple of weeks. I'm allowed out 4 hrs a day. I've gotten special permission to go out on Sunday night. My girls brought me a ticket to see the musical Hamilton as a Christmas present. Am so glad I'm allowed to go. My psych upped the mood stabiliser to 10mg again. He is really cautious about me getting sick. He will give me a doctor's certificate for the 5 weeks if I need it. He is retiring next year so I will need to find a new psych. I have been doing a cross stitch to pass the time. I hope all is well for everyone.

[quirkywords]

Lisa thanks for letting us know how you are going. I am glad you get a night out.

I hope things work out well for you.

[velvetfaerie]

Lisa, I hope all goes well with your hospital stay. It sounds like a nice safe place.

Airies, I am sorry about your step father and brother. Aging sucks so much.

I can't wait for the weekend. Knackered.

I have to say, randomly, people who boast and gloat and value themselves based on money or material things, they are sad. These things can be taken away in an instant. Focus on those in your life who matter, not the THINGS you have. My friend was gloating about her income, as a casual, and has to work 70 hours a week to get it. Last time she did this her place of employment was sold and she had no job. *head desk*

[quirkywords]

I remember people who care people who make me feel good about myself. I don’t remember what jobs people have, what clothes labels they were and what sort of a car they drive.

[velvetfaerie]

I like this very much Quirky.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

Thanks, I know at funerals people will take about kindness and compassion but rarely mention money or status,

I have been looking up people that have Bipolar and ADHD. It is quite interesting and makes a lot of sense.

in one study 1in6 people with bipolar also have ADHD.

Very interesting.

[velvetfaerie]

That is very interesting indeed. It would make accurate diagnosis a bit tricky too. To be continued.......

(DINNER TIME)....

[quirkywords]

Sometimes I wonder why life can not be simple for me like it is for others.

Maybe I think too much.

Maybe I think.

Maybe ...

[velvetfaerie]

I don't think life is ever simple for anyone. So many variables in human life it is really hard to quantify what simple really is. Sometimes it is our minds being silly, other times it is day to day complexities like jobs/kids/partner etc. Catastrophes.

I have a friend I feel awkward with. Her 2 adult kids have unleashed fury at her over the last few months at seperate times claiming abuse. They have been very agressive and full of hate, anger and violence. I have seen in her a lot of nastiness, (the parent). She likes to provoke me into a fight when she feels poorly about her life. She has done some things, I won't mention here as it may be very triggering for you good folk, that would have traumatised the heck out of those kids, in front of them.

Red flags abound. Narcissistic abuse. Manipulation. Gaslighting.

I ponder if I am a bad person. I am seeing a few friends for who they are lately, horrible self servining narcissists who blame their MH when convenient. NO one is perfect sure, my self included! Own your baggage and take steps to work on it. DO NOT BLAME IT.

[quirkywords]

i know everyone has their problems but I suppose i day dream about what if.

I remember when people were too scared to tell a court or media that they had a mental illness but how for some it can nearly be a get free card for any bad behaviours.

V , I agree I have done some bad things in the past and I have apologized and taken responsibility for it.

The blame game becomes a game all the family plays with no winners just a lot shirking responsibility and casting of blame!

I think psycho;ogists