This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Don't know about you guys, but I hate two faced fake people, especially ones who think you don't notice. It is very amusing.

[quirkywords]

hello all

Velvet moody teens I can understand but when they are in their 30s and 40s and still pouting and sulking and feeling entitled it is so annoying.

A clot sounds terrible . I hope it goes away.

Two face people really annoy me. i respect me who dislike me to my face as I know they are honest. When people say they will support you and they agree with you then you find out they are gossipping to others behind your back about you that is appalling.

[Lisa611]

Spoke to the principal this morning. She said I can come back to work before the end of term if I want to. She also said she thought I was doing the right thing taking time off but mind you it was at her strong suggestion.

Quirky- they are group meetings where you sit around usually led by a psychologist. I think I'll be in there for a week but I'm not sure it's up to my psych. I'm seeing him on Tuesday. Luckily COVID restrictions have eased at the hospital. Last time I was in there you were only allowed one visitor per day. You didn't have to wear a mask though. Going into hospital doesn't really bother me. It's only a small ward lucky if there will be even 20 people. Many of the patients are in the defence force.

[quirkywords]

Lisa I hope you find your stay in hospital to be helpful.

Inknow sometimes I needed to get distance from my life to gain insights.

I have so much admiration for how you cope with your life and responsibilities.

[quirkywords]

Does anyone ever wonder what it would be like not to be so sensitive.?

[Airies]

Lisa, hope all goes well with your hospital stay.when I was last in the groups were severely restricted due to COVID , as in they weren’t running half the time. I spent most of my time in bed aanyway. I would do the same again. We all have our triggers.

V , hope the blood clots stay put, no hang on hope they dissolve. I saw my vein specialist yesterday. Should have been a telelink up, but how was I to know. Anyway after a long wait to see him, more miscommunication between his receptionist and him, a face to face discussion. Turns out the medicine they used to clear my clots back in 2017, turns out if I had a reaction to this I would have had the same reaction with the astra vaccine..you know the one I mean. So not a fan of needles but going in next week. There is so much misinformation out there.

[velvetfaerie]

Sensitive. My gym asked me to be spotlight member and I cried. I'm nothing special or inspiring. Flattered.

As for the clots.... clot... I'm crossing my fingers the aspirin works.

interesting about the medication Airies.... must be something in the medication and the vaccine that triggers the clotting response in certain people. Immune system thing.

[Lisa611]

V- am glad you are happy about being a spotlight member at your gym. Not sure what that means though lol hope the blood clot disappears.

Airies- so you are getting the vaccine. I'm also thinking about it. Alot of people are hesitant to get it. My mum and dad have had it. And I know a few other people who have had it too. The chances of having a reaction are slim but it still makes you wary.

Had an okay day. Visited my mum and dad this morning. Then this afternoon hung out with my youngest daughter at her new place. My other daughter was in Melbourne. Her flight was cancelled last night so she had to stay overnight. She's back now. I'm on my own tonight. Partner has gone to the golf club for some do. Thinking of rewatching the series the crown.

I am sensitive but I try not to show it. My feelings are easily hurt. I very rarely say anything though. It takes alot for me to say something.

[quirkywords]

Thanks for everyone’s news.

Lisa my feelings are easily hurt and I often cry and can’t say anything, I need to walk away from situation and get fresh air.

[velvetfaerie]

Spotlight member means I tell my story to inspire others.

Working on the clot. Getting old sucks.

Had chat with child. Went better than I thought. I was open, honest, transparent, empathic, genuine, explained her feelings matter. Her position between her parents is bad enough and I don't need to throw fuel on that fire. I need to just be me over in my corner yet support and nurture a relationship between her and her father.

And now I have one heck of a headache haha.

V.