This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Hi all

Lady great news re job.

Aries, glad you can see what you need to get better. To have that insight is a step forward.

Hope the reboot goes well.

Quirky

[Lady_Stardust]

Airies & quirky, thanks for encouragement and congratulations! I will do my very best. And I hope that everything goes really well for you Airies, I’m sure you’ll feel much more ‘on’ soon. (:

I’m down, more than a touch despondent. You ever just look at your life and see that absolutely nothing has gone the way it was supposed to? None of it. There’s this way we’re told it’s supposed to go, but none of it factors in the possibility of illness and circumstance. It’s messed up. Maybe I was ‘supposed’ to be like this, I don’t know, but if so, I don’t know why.

Just everything I’ve done, it’s been wrong. Didn’t finish high school, didn’t finish any further courses, still don’t have my licence, didn’t keep in touch with friends, didn’t go out, didn’t and still don’t do anything. I’m really anxious that I won’t get this job. I can’t deal with it if I don’t, I’ve a feeling I won’t cope. I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m tired. I’m not even living, I’m just existing, and I’m sick of it.

If something doesn’t change, I’m going to lose my mind.

[velvetfaerie]

One day at a time Lady. Life NEVER goes to plan for anyone. And for those few who it does - they are BEIGE aka BORING.

Nothing we do in life is ever a waste of time. It is experience. It is effort. It is giving things a good shot even if it doesn't go to plan.

Never go through life wondering "what if."

V.

[Lady_Stardust]

Thanks, velvet. I know when I’m feeling better, I’ll be able to take your kind words more to heart. I hope you’re doing well ❤️

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone.

Lady Stardust, I want to give you a big hug. I can relate to what you are saying. At 60, I look at my life and it is different from how I imagined. I still never learnt to drive, I never became an academic or a famous writer , but I feel because of my experiences I can help others in a small way. I know me saying this won't help the way you feel , and life can be a pain at times and can disappoint us.However when you look into the eyes of your nephew you will see th wonder of life.

Iam sorr you are down at the moment and often life is not fair and an be a struggle.

I agree it's Velvet about giving things a go, and life not going to plan for anyone. You see people who seem to have it all but they don't, they have struggles too.

We are all thinking of you stardust.

Quirky

[Lady_Stardust]

Thank you, quirky, and I would accept that hug gladly. And you’re right, you’re right. I’m not sure how I feel today since I’ve just woken up, but it’s a pretty cool and gloomy day today, and that actually makes me feel a bit better sometimes because it makes me doing something feel less, I don’t know, terrible?

I hope everyone is doing well :3

[quirkywords]

Greetings to all.

Lady Stardust,

No thanks needed. I feel that writing down how you feel and saying honestly what you are worried bout helps you. I can relate so much to what you say.

We struggle and have hard days but at least we can support each other. I wish this forum was around when I was your age.

How is everyone going?

Does anyone like watching an old familiar movie when one is feeling down. I like the comfort of knowing how a movie ends.?

Quirky

[Lady_Stardust]

Absolutely, quirky. It’s been recommended to me by a few doctors actually that I write down how I feel from a day-to-day basis, and that’s also to see if I can track my moods somewhat. And yes, if only there was this kind of support network for the older generations, it’s a shame there wasn’t faster technology development. 😞

I’m always revisiting movies regardless of mood, but I tend to avoid anything that might upset any particular mood. As in, if I’m feeling bad about not having a relationship, I won’t watch a romantic movie.

I’m doing okay today. Quite tired, though. What about you?

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Lady I think the support around now is just great. I avoid horror movies and westerns but I like a good cry with an uplifting ending.

I am glad you are doing okay today.

I like the way we can say things here without explaining a lot and know we will get support.

Thanks everyone.

Quirky

[Lady_Stardust]

I love a good cry, too. When I feel like I need to cry but can’t, I usually go watch uplifting videos. You know, parents coming home from the army to surprise their kids, creative birth announcements, that kind of thing. A good cry and something nice. (:

Definitely, it’s really lovely to not have to explain ourselves like we would have to to a psychologist.

How are you, quirky? How is everyone?