This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Velvet I had an agreement with my scales. if it showed the right number it stayed and if showed a bigger number it was banished to storage. It is now in storage!!

Do you think one of the hardest things in bipolar is getting the right medication and treatment balance?

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

Hahahahah ahhh I love that Quirky 😁😁

Im a measurement person not a weight person because I do so much exercise my muscle is present. I still hate the mirror but it was ok this am... apropriate curvy bits + small waist. This is ok. (Pms bloat abating YAY). Been drinking water with lemon, turmeric and ginger in it. It’s tasty !!!

I just pulled 4 hours in the books I doubt I remember how to even make a sandwich atm. But I can tell you all about processing ore samples lol.

Thanks airies. My slant on things are sometimes lost on people. You made me smile.

It’s been peaceful today... Phone’s been on “ignore” mode ahhhh.

cuppa tea time I think.

[Loula]

Hello I'm Loula,

I've been diagnosed with Bipolar for 2 years but recently Bipolar 1 Rapid Cycle.

I have been on 5 different medications one made me toxic 3 sent me to zombie land and the latest one is working with my mania but not my depression. Looking like we will add a new tablet as I refuse to go any higher on my current as I'm functioning on it but I know if I go higher I will go zombie like.

I work full time and can't be a zombie. I rather enjoy the highs of mania then be an out of work zombie. Why are the manias so good at times?

Ive got a question mabye someone might be able to help me with. Doctors are great but I rather talk to someone that's going through it. I hope that's ok.

On my new medication I can feel my brain rapid cycling. I can feel the urgers of going mania but then it's like the medication has a booming voice and is like I don't think not, we will behave and be responsible. Then my brain has a mini war and it's just the weirdest feeling. I've told my doctor he's not concerned but I'm not sure if that's just because I didn't go crazy and buy 100 pairs of shoes. Has anyone else felt like this? I know everyone is different but I thought I would ask.

Also is anyone a mum with Bipolar? I'm thinking in the next 3-5 years starting a family and I just like to know some info. I'm reading blogs. Some make me feel strong and some give me pure fear.

[quirkywords]

Everyone please welcome Lola and make her feel at home,

Loula, welcome and I am so glad you found your way here.

I am sure people will be able to answe your questions but sometimes it may take a little while for people to drop by but they do. If you read this thread you will see many topics that have been discussed.

My children are adults now and when they were young I was in denial and not on medication.

That is so true that some blogs will be uplifting and some will fill you with fear. It would be good just to read the ones that make you feel strong but then again the others can be important to. This is true of pregnancy in general as people will tell you terrible stories even complete strangers when they see you as being pregnant!

The thing is everyone experiences bipolar differently. I am so glad I had children and I had the support of my parents. Mostly my story would make you feel strong but I did get depressed and run down when my second child was one. I recovered and had a third child.

Once again Loula great to see you here..

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

HI Loula.... welcome!!! 🤗🤗🤗

Ive not had good experiences with medications either. One turned me into a fat lazy alcoholic with no emotions. Another felt like I was on speed. I now manage with smarter lifestyle choices. Things still push me into a turn but I drag myself through it.

Behaving and being responsible.... I have my moments. Lol.

I also work full time, about to finish my part time study as well.. it’s hard staying on track for so long I’m so tired!!!!

Regarding being a zombie at work, do they know about medication? I know that’s a tough subject. Just curious.

i better get ready to go to my self management place - the gym. I burn off my energy there. Or conversely.... it gives me an endorphin dump if I’m down.

xxx

💙💜💙💜

[meercat]

Hi Loula. Welcome im meercat.

Life with this bipolar thing can a bit of a guessing game. Still working it out. Im 64 yrs diagnosed with bp 43 years ago.

For the first time dr. has halved my dose which has had a strange affect. Im now taking more control of what i do..iv only bought 1 new handbag in the past month instead of the whole store!

I used to like the highs but id rather make rational decisions and save up for something sensible.

Recently i went toxic for 3 weeks through no fault of my own except diet.. i was a total zombie.

Its hard going to work with bp but iv managed somehow to get myself up and to present myself as intelligent over the years.

Since joining BB iv had lots of caring people sharing how they cope. Iv at last "come out" and told a few people, my hubby, dad a neighbour i have bp.

You mentioned about having a baby. I had mine 30 yrs ago and she's fine. A chat with ur GP might be the way to go if ur planning.

Cheers

meercat xx

[Loula]

Hi Quirkywords,

I found my way on this page. Thank you for telling me about it. It's good to see you where not turned of having children and even experiencing a low having a third.

I'm not pregnant as I can't on my medication as it will cause great harm to the baby. It's just something very much on mind as I'm nearly 30 and married for 5+ years.

Im just a planner. I like everything scheduled. And yes I know you can't really schedule a child but I can my support groups and routine and some things.

Thats great you had good support. From everything I have read support is needed. All my gf who have kids say they need support and that I would most likely just need a bit more with my mental health.

Im just scared of being pregnant and getting sick or being a bad mum or doing a runner. When I get sick I run. I run from all responsibility.

Yes I will have to read the previous conversations but there's a lot of pages so I might not get through all of them so sorry if I repeat a subject.

Have a great week

x

[Loula]

Hi velvetfaerie,

Medication can be the worst! I hate it! I've had the zero emotion one. It was like you where stuck. Never felt like I was on speed but I had one that made me feel like I had 10 tequila shots in 10 minutes lol. That was walking down the street on. Note to self and others, don't try new medication and go shopping.

Thats inpresive your doing it with out medication and working full time and studying. I tried it. I did good for a while. Learnt how to use my mania for good eg cooking. But my depression hit a dangerous lol and I had to get medicated. Then it's been 2 years on and off trying new ones and me going I can do it on my own and then boom.

Regarding work they noticed me acting weird and where actually worried as I was not able to carry a conversation and thought I had a big weekend or was sick. I thought it was all in my head feeling like this and lucky he told me as I was going toxic. Due to that I had to let me work know. I work for a large company so they got to be good to me. But I'm lucky I got really nice bosses that understand. I'm just honest with them if I'm doing a change or sick and can't take on extra work as you know having bipolar we like to go 24-7 and I think they like that lol.

May I ask if you don't burn of your energy in a fun healthy way it turns negative against you?

[Loula]

Hi Meercat,

Thank you for the welcome.

Wow 43 diagnosed. I'm assuming it would of been very hard back then with the little know about Bipolar. You would of seen a lot of the changes with how mental health and people with bipolar have been treated and viewed.

Thats great your working to with Bipolar. It's really encouraging me seeing there's a few of you working with it. At the moment I'm finding work hard and hiding in the bathroom crying saying I can do it I can do it. But I know it's a season but it's just hard. I just wish sometimes people know how hard it is for us at times.

Thats not good you went toxic and zombie like. I know what's that's like. It sucks and add a few more colourful words.

Thats good your feeling in more control with the medication change. I'm scared if they introduce a new one I'm going to go zombie or feel funny. I just hate it.

Good on you for only buying one bag. I've brought a pair of shoes, two sets of pjs, 5 dresses a top and bag the last month. Whoops. But it's not due to mania it's due to just being so sad. I want to feel full. I want a moment of happiness.

Thats great since joining this page you have felt strong enough to talk out.

Have a great week

xxx

[meercat]

Hi Loula. Meercat Just popping in to wish u all the best for monday!

Sounds like you have a good place to work. What kind of work do you do?

Im not actually going out to work at the moment..just caring for the home, dog n husband.

Loula finding the right treatment takes time..my doc said as i left the room "get to know yourself". I sure have been doing that.

You may like to visit my thread "clear the clutter and clatter" although u sound very organised with things there may be a little bit of clatter to address.

Its made me Really look at who i am and who id like to be. This helps me cope better..im more organised. Some quick food in the freezer although i luv to cook, no more long lists of notes and to-dos i never do.

Iv contacted someone to meet up for coffee this week..this is a big thing for me as i havent done it for a long time..it all got too hard to keep the bp "secret".

😊 U know the saying ..

"live one day at a time" ..thats all u can do.

meercat xx