This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Issi]

Yep Nad, that was the initial treatment, my “dose” is 65 but like everything, whatever works for you. I do my treatment as an inpatient as that’s what my health insurance allows for, I know some have treatments as outpatients. I don’t mind it as when I get the headaches I can rest and not worry about dinner, housework and kids. That also helped me cope with the 20 treatments. But as I have mentioned in earlier posts TMS has given me the opportunity to get what feels like a semi normal life, 18 months ago I would not have enrolled or got anywhere near completing a course. TMS took a good 3 months to kick in so be patient.

Issi

[meercat]

Hi quirky.

Im 64, 43 yrs diagnosed bipolar. I think i first noticed bp symptoms when i was 14 too. Used to be called manic depression, maybe triggered by family stuff, life situation.

Iv never been offered ect or tms just medication. New doc has put me on half dose which means i have to work hard to keep it together. At least i have ok days, bad days AND good ones now, not alternating weeks or months of both. But.. im so sleepy.

Do you get very tired with your treatment?

meercat xx

[Issi]

Hi Quirky and Meercat

Looking back at my life from age 17 until I was first diagnosed with depression at 25. I was out of control looking back, living like a maniac, all the things you do when your on a high. Thankfully I’m here and never hurt anyone but myself. Then a major down for a few years now on average slightly more better days than bad.

Back to maintenance tms wish they would sort it out so I could have it as part of a day program.

Issi

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

How is everyone.

I am tired as usual but I am ok. I seem to be busy doing lots of things apart from my shop .

Do you think sometimes we blame our bipolar for things that are not connected. ?

Quirky

[Lady_Stardust]

Hello, friends old and new!

I haven’t been on for quite some time now, and not heaps has been going on in my life. I mean, a bit. I finished work at the place I was on a contract with, so am now looking for more paid work while also doing some volunteer work to fill my days and get more meat on the résumé.

And, keeping with the kind of metaphor, I’ve been shedding weight/meat of my own, which I’m pretty proud of. I’m still not where I want to be, I need to tone because I’m a bit chubby around the top middle-ish area. Although the pride is there, I am still not pleased with my reflection and going out and seeing such slim and pretty girls always punches that pride right in the face. I’m honestly aiming to at least feel a little bit of rib in that area.

So yeah, kind of same old in my world. Since starting volunteer work, my mood has been more even. My sleep schedule has been a mess lately though and I don’t feel well from it.

I hope everyone here is doing well, I haven’t yet had a read through of all the replies.

[meercat]

Hi. Querky. Im sleepy too. Just pushing thru the fog to get things done.

"Do we blame our bipolar for things that are not connected?" ......an interesting thread for you to suggest.

When a situation, comment, decision happens in my life i wonder is my reaction normal to my personality OR is it my bipolar.

For instance, this morning i discovered on Facebook, my 30 yo was with family friends on her birthday, although she told me she was not having a party at all as she was toi ill and busy moving house and business.

??? Was it a bp reaction when i was furious seeing her partying on Facebook OR was it a normal reaction to a situation.

Can a person with bipolar arm themselves against a future threat? How?

meercat xx

[quirkywords]

Meercat

I think any parent would feel upset if their child behaved Ike your daughter did.

I think if her behaviour then made you spiral up or down that would be a BP reaction.

Have you spoken to your daughter and told her how you feel.?

I think we need to know what can cause a reaction and to be aware of that.

Quirky

[Airies]

Hi Lady,

well done on loosing some weight and having that discipline. I'm finally realysing that I need 2 hours of excercise daily to keep me sane. Food, binge eating and excecise extremes are me to a tee. Just polished off a box of clix. Stressed with a medical thingy tomorow.

Good on you for doing the volunteer work. Be kind to yourself. Must be a BP thing. I'm rarelly happy with my reflection in the mirror. Why are we so hard on ourselves, hope things pick up ,

cheers Airies

[Issi]

Good Morning

Today we in Melbourne we have our 4th day of sunshine ☀️ which is great, but it comes it to an end tomorrow for a couple of days.

My tms maintence went well last week, so back at Tafe this week. Hope everyone is doing ok.

Issi

[Lady_Stardust]

Thank you, Airies!

I understand that totally, I get to the point where I've eaten so much or sat around for two days straight and it's just a disaster. Anything to keep us sane is definitely the way to go. And thank you again! It might be, not liking what we see in the mirror. I don't know, I guess it depends on mood, too? I hope everything goes well with your medical thingy.

Afternoon, Issi! That sounds lovely. It's quite sunny here today but also rather windy. Very glad to heard that everything went well and you're back at TAFE.

Today is a good day, I'm very happy for all my friends who are a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. I'm very, very happy for them. The Yes to equality is a wonderful, wonderful thing. ❤️