This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Quirky,

in another life I worked in a number of libraries and was an avid reader. Sounds idyllic your job obviously a labour of love. Did my 2 hour fix again then ravenous eating.:( oh well some sort of balance. I loved to read autobiographies. I don't read now ..only here lol,

cheers Airies

[Issi]

Meercat

tms has been around since the 80’s in the trials etc. they not 100% sure why it works on some people and not on others. some people have have 2 seasons a day others have 1, it’s like medication what works for some may not work for others. the side effects I have are headaches on the days of treatment and for the 4 or 5 days of treatments just a little bit tired. It’s just like any other treatment/medication it may work for you, it may not. All you can do is keep trying to find your best mix (medication?, therapy, relaxation).

Issi

[Nad]

my TMS will be starting next week. 2 times a day 4 days in a row 3 day rest and 4 days again.i'm so desperate for a solution at the moment. everyday is such a challenge for me. i have super good days and then i got days where i want it to all end because i'm too tired..

[Issi]

Nad

I hope that tms is part of your mix that helps manage your bp. Remember it could make you a little more tired during treatments (that’s what I found). Don’t give up as I feel eventually there is a right mix of things (as I mentioned above) for everyone. Pyschiatary isn’t a perfect science, there is a lot of hits and misses.

Issi

[Issi]

Nad

I go in Sunday week for another lot of maintenance, or as I call it my grease and oil change. I feel like I need it, not that I’m going downhill just little things are getting to me more than they normally would. So I’ve gotten to know when I need it, which is every 5 or 6 weeks.

Issi

[meercat]

Hello Nad. Im sorry to hear ur not doing too well.

In case u havent seen my posts, this is what happened to me early august. Iv been enduring this situation yearly for 50 years and now i know how bp and my meds work.

Firstly do u take meds such as li. Although i was taking reg dose I became toxic.4 x dose my brain was stockpiling it and not eliminating what it didnt need.

Symptoms for 3 weeks.. i went to bed one night. Next morn i was paralysed, totally useless..cd not eat walk think, just see..slept continually..my body shut down, a toxic coma. My husband said i was like a zombie. Dr sent me for blood test and found out about toxicity. He dropped meds down, they had been too high for me for 50 yrs he said.

Now on half previous amount iv lost that sleepy feeling and i have to work harder with life skills.diet etc.its not easy but i feel i have more control over my life.

So what i am trying to say..if you are feeling sleepy all the time and that life is hard and u cant cope, maybe a trip to ur gp and a blood test asap could show what ur body is up to. If id had regular tests i would not have had to go thru my situation. Ps. Did you know some meds only stay in body n brain for 36 hours? 6 hrs up the bloodstream, 24 hrs up top and 6 hours flushing out. So Hope this helps u to understand what could be happening. Iv been wonderiing all my life.

Ps. Join us in the bb virtual cafe for a light chat its lots of fun..they serve yummy muffins and teas and we're setting up a smoothie menu.

Cheers

meercat xx

[meercat]

Hi issi. How r u?

Ta for explanation.

Think il stay with my li meds.. after 50 years i now know how they work. Dr has just reduced me to half dose so now I have to work very hard with life skills, moods etc. to make up for lower dose. Its not easy. Im on trial but i can think clearer now but very sleepy.

meercat xx

[Airies]

Hi Meercat,

li didn't agree with me. Ended up in hospital kidneys not happy. Re cruising have you done the South Pacific? Cruised it 3 times and had a ball. Next cruise Vietnam and surrounds for my wife's birthday. Couldn't cruise NZ a tad rough for my wife. Great fan of the indoor cabins. Can lock myself away and sleep 24 if need be,

cheers

[Violet1]

Hello all, I think I am on a Bipolar story line. I get comfort from reading peoples stories but haven't written before. I'm 52 years old now, diagnosed now with Bipolar 2 and Left Temporal Lobe Epilepsy 10 years ago. Im sorry If im not writing in the correct spot.

Kind Regards, Violet1

[meercat]

Hi Violet 1. Welcome from meercat. You are in the"This Bipolar Life" forum. Iv had bp for 43 yrs..im 64.

I joined BB about a month ago and have received lots of support and info from other members.

You might like to pop into the bb cafe..its fun..you never know what might be the topic for the day and there's lots of yummy virtual things to order.

If you wish to chat about bipolar im here. Im no expert but iv lived with it for years.

Cheers

meercat xx