This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Issi]

Hi V

Can you imagine, if someone actually worked out how the brain worked? And what nerves are damaged that causes bp, mnd, Parkinson's and all the other brain related conditions.

Since going back to Tafe I feel more articulate to express myself and how I feel, confidence is still the same (low to medium) but I feel it's woken up my brain.

I hope everyone has an ok day.

Issi

[velvetfaerie]

Hey Issi!

At my workplace there’s some research into that stuff. I do know of a project looking at the use of some currently illegal drugs and their applications in MH treatment.

Im glad TAFE has had this positive effect. 😁😁😁

Waking the brain feels good huh?

[meercat]

Hi Issi. Hope you dont mind my joining in? As you may have seen, i have lived with bp for many years.

Pls explain what is TMS and why is it used for bp.

You should be proud of yourself returning to study. What are you studying?

I went back to tafe when i was 48 to study for a real estate cert. It wasnt easy with bp, a divorce and moving house and it was hard to concentrate. I had to study longer than "the young ones" but i earned my diploma.

The social part was a little awkward too, they called me "grandma" but i soon fitted in with the students.

meercat xx

[Issi]

No problems meercat

tms is what my Dr calls mini ect, there is no sedation, you sit in a recliner and watch tv. Then approx every 26 seconds you get a magnetic pulse, mine is just near the left temple, everyone is different. Your dr or specialist does a mapping which doesn't hurt. Each one of my treatments goes for 40minutes, that to varies. For me it has reduced the frequency and depth of the depressive episodes as long as I keep up with the maintenance, that's another thing that varies from one person to another. My side effects are I get a little tired during the days of treatment and headaches which I have panadol if needed.

I've gone back to Tafe to do Travel and Tourism, with hopefully getting a job within a travel agency. People are normally happy when booking holidays, hopefully no grumpy people.

Issi

[Issi]

Hi

have tried to reply yesterday but it's not up yet

Issi

[meercat]

Hi Tony. Im BP. 64 yo. 43 yrs treated with Li.

Your understanding of bp life and its ups and downs and effects on you is almost parallel to my life. Right up to travelling our beautiful country in a caravan for 4 years.

Its strange when i was on the road the symptoms seemed to disappear. I was happy and carefree.

Since recent downtime 3 weeks i have looked at bp differently. Talking to people such as you has made me accept it after hiding for years.

Iv told my husband why im sleeping one day and flying around the next. Iv told my neighbour im bp and shes understanding taking me to appts.

So "coming out" has made me feel comfortable about myself.

Mum says "get over it", Dad says "God will take care of you" and family and friends say" why are you so moody?"

So this a very daunting time for me.

Hope your having a good time travelling.

meercat xx

[quirkywords]

Hi everyone,

welcome Nad, it is nice to see new names and more familiar ones.

Meercat, sometime sno matter how much you tell someone they will not understand why you behave the way you do. I finally learnt to accept that people will me I will grow out of it- after 40 years I have not!, tell me to try harder, not be lazy and a thousand other bits of advice. Can anyone else relate?

Little-deer may deer in here as she is recently diagnosed.

Hopefully she will find her way here.

Quirky

[white knight]

Hi Meercat

Weve been back home anout 8 weeks now. Ive been fine but a week befo re we got home I hit rock bottom.

Ive also learned through that period that suicidal thoughts can sneek in. Im not suicudal, just studied my own down period. If I didnt have the strong will Id drop into a darker place.

There was no trigger as such.

Tony WK

[Issi]

Hi everyone,

Well it's Monday again, fighting to urge to just stay in bed. Realise I have to get up and have a shower and organised to go to school and teenagers to school. Today feel like that hamster on the wheel running and not getting anywhere.

Issi

[velvetfaerie]

I understand Issi..... ARGHHHHH

(sans kids of course)

🌹