This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Velvet, bullets are my favourite. The cars ok stuff happens. Getting stuffed around with healthfund who we have been with for decades is possibly withdrawing cover for private psych hospital. I have been an infrequent inpatient over the last decade. 
 So glad your counselling went well. It takes time to find one you click with.

I am enjoying Autumn. It’s a nice time of year

[asdff]

Bullets are my favourite too. Velvet your Dad, hmm without using swear words. I feel for you and your Mum. I fully agree it’s nice to have good friends. I am a bit physically unwell, fingers crossed that passes soon. It’s been bedlam here with Birthdays and visiting people. I like my alone time. Don’t we all? 

[quirkywords]

Just looked at earlier posts of this thread kaz started it and Aries was around t the beginning I have been posting for  8 years this month . I think first post ever was here. I hope Kaz would be pleased her thread is still going . i often what happened to some names who have come and gone. 
This thread has helped  me so much and is my safe place to be honest and come for support.

Thanks to those who post and those who read. 

[Airies]

Yep there’s been so much support across the board here from the get go  ( what a word). Even though we’re  miles apart I guess we get one another. I’m so thankful to engage with one another through the rough times, the good with a dose of humour thrown in.

Quirky don’t underestimate the influence you have here. No sooner is the thread lagging you pop in and get us again.

Velvet , Asdff and Quirky I’d be a bit lost without you guys.

I had my PA levels checked and it’s as low as it can go, so hopefully that’s the end of the cancer.

cheers 

[quirkywords]

Velvet, Asdff, Aries 

Velvet hope you fell better. 
Aries I like the fact we listen and support each and have supported each other through up and downs.

asdff you keep on dealing with challenges and you don’t complain.

[velvetfaerie]

I used plenty of swear words asdff. 😂 but I appreciate the generous thoughts of more.

This thread has been an enormous help and it  always feels good to give support back. 

I have been battling with feeling unwell for a couple of months. Physical stuff. Then it dawned on me. I was likely experiencing some insulin resistance. Age. Genes. Stress. 

1 week ago I started intermittent fasting.

I feel heaps better now!!! Energy is better. Brain fog is heaps less. Mentally I'm never going to be perfect but I'm better!!! 

That's good news about the PA levels Airies!!! 

I love my alone time too asdff. I have a lot of it but I prefer it. I'm very selective with who I let into my life now. I hope your unwell feels go soon.

Quirky = you're the glue here I reckon. You have such a chill vibe too.

[asdff]

My gripe at the moment is I am diagnosed with a mood disorder. Some people around me know it, some do not. The ones that know want me to behave as if I am neurotypical and I am not. We had a fair bit of socialising to do lately. I need down time from it. I’ve been physically sick too, so I need to rest. The people around me that know comment you talk to randoms and have conversations. Yes I can socialise, I need downtime and I haven’t felt I can say no. I’ve had a sick family member too and by the looks of that she will continue to be sick and I am the one closest to her. So I worry greatly. 

[Airies]

 Velvet, great you have the discipline to try Intermittent fasting and the benefits of doing so.

Ive tried it, in fact I’ve tried everything . I lacked the discipline to stick to it.

I do a lot of emotional eating. It’s in the evening I struggle.

I have few friends, my choice. I love my alone time. 
I’m in my own little world.

Im finding this heat sapping 

[quirkywords]

 Chill vibe that is kind but in real life I am seen as grumpy and a worrier.

[quirkywords]

Asdff it is hard when other people feel they are experts  on our health. When visiting family I am told  to be lazy and antisocial when I need rest after travelling all day on a few trains. I am told I am selfish etc. 

Asdff you are a great help to your family member. 
aries we have nonstop rain for many weeks and cold.