This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

We have been running on low staff for 4 years and now everyone's burnt out so for the last week we have been trying to function on about 30% of the already low staff.

I just don't care anymore. I have my goals and it's not tied to that place 😁

[asdff]

Two posts in two days, I must be on the way down. Why do we get rage? Like red hot rage? I can feel what ai am saying but it comes out anyway, then ten minutes later I get regret. I didn’t say anything too bad but it’s still anger and all these years of being aware and talking about it. Recognising the anger but not being able to control it. It makes me sad, sad about me as a person. Sad for my husband, particularly sad of my children. They are aware that I have bipolar. The slightly older one is doing psychology as a unit in school next year.

Velvet, I hope the workplace improves. You guys keep on keeping up. 

[Airies]

Asdff,kudos to you on getting through the aniversary.I think we are lucky to have loved ones around us. It’s a burden for them and us but we’re still here. I tend to fly off or say something which I think is witty but can be taken another way. Going into hospital for a month to try and tackle my demons permanently. It’s going to be hard. I’ve been slowly feeling a tad down as the day approaches..

Velvet what a shocking workplace. I was bullied by someone high up. An absolute pig of a man.

For years I managed to sway and weave through all the crap.

Take care people, be kind to yourselves,

[asdff]

Yes please be kind to yourself too Airies. I am hoping your hospital stay helps you. You have been through so much and deserve some peace. 

[velvetfaerie]

Asdff = my workplace needs to crash and burn. Then we rebuild!!!! 

Rage / negative emotions? I'm a bit down in the dumps, which seems normal for me this time of year. Lack of sunshine. I've wanted to shred a few people lately, speaking of negative emotions. I've blocked a heap of people I thought were friends (same group). They're not friends. I was useful as a spy. Not that I ever gave them much. Good riddence to them also!!! 

Airies I hope the hospital visit will help you. I hope they're a good bunch. It's so sad seeing our health system deteriorate so much. 

I spend most of my time alone now because of what I have seen in people this year. I've mostly made peace with it, this week it's a bit soso.

[quirkywords]

I work with volunteers for a charity and the politics , the undermining, the two faced behaviour and gossiping and dobbing has really stressed me and surprised me. 

[velvetfaerie]

That is horrible quirky. You'd think that working together for a common belief/goal regarding charity things would be a brilliant reason for cohesion? Guess not!!! 

I am really tired of people contacting me trying to drag me into very serious battles, legal battles, when I wasn't present or witness to anything that has been alleged. See? Only when they want something, for me to lie for them. No. *block*

I am over people. Can't trust anyone.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

management  has its own agenda. There is a mixture of paid manger and casual staff. I often feel invisible and unappreciated. 

[asdff]

Velvet hooray for standing up for yourself, it’s not okay when people only contact you when they want something. 

Quirky are you getting anything from your volunteer role? Some satisfaction or positivity? 

[velvetfaerie]

Of course they do Quirky.

That's the common denominator with all management in all sectors. 

And to climb the ladder you need to be unethical in my opinion, one way or another. 

I'm on a long weekend. I am being a potato.