This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Velvet, you are beautiful through and through and we are here for you. You do exist. There’s no pressure to post here but when people don’t it’s one hell of a void.

My wife would differ as I often put my foot in my mouth. I think working in my previous environment didn’t do me any favours.
Don’t be to hard on yourself. A while back I hit a little sign … keep left as I was turning right into an intersection .I gave it such a wallop it’s spun around and it’s easy to get lost. Google maps doesn’t help sometimes hence I could never do a road trip.

Go a do it V . You have everything to gain and nothing to loose.You may be pleasantly surprised.

Its cold. The heaters old, the dogs in my lap and I’m still cold.

[Airies]

Quirky and others, have you had a good read lately? Have just ordered Bruce Springsteens biography and another on a Mt Everest climbing disaster via Booktopia

[velvetfaerie]

I'm so glad the damage I did to my car will buff out. I'm precious about my car.

It's cold here too. Makes me slow the cold.

Bruce Springsteen rocks!!!

[velvetfaerie]

ABC's series "you can't ask that" is one of the best things to hit TV.

I binge watch every season as they drop. I've LOVED the latest series.

I went back and rewatched an episode on family and domestic violence. It hits different now. 😞

[Lisa611]

Airies I like your honesty. That's what I like about this group. It's cold today. Was cold in the classroom at school. Will rug up tomorrow. Hope everyone is going ok.

[quirkywords]

Lisa I like how we can be honest here and respect each other.

Velvet I like the show You can’t ask that, too.

Aries, I am reading a book about anarchists, the Belle Époque period in Paris.

How is everyone.? The weather is getting colder.

[asdff]

Velvet, I do those types of things all of the time. Well not all the time occasionally but more than other people! It’s usually when I’ve got other things on my mind.

Re: medication I’m cool with taking it. It has helped lots with my moods.

I am Queen of overthinking. I suspect it’s because I have more time to overthink. I’ve always done it. It’s just now I don’t have paid work or my children are out of the house more. My brain races and I overthink everything.

[Airies]

asdff, as you and I often say we are so so alike. Just yesterday I was chasing more cycling gear just in case. The end result was I was advised I really didn’t need it.
I thought yesterday was cold only to awake to wind and rain, regardless will rug up and go for a walk.

Stay warm and hope everyone’s ok

[velvetfaerie]

I can only think I'm exhausted with things on my mind hence my epic adult fails yesterday. Can only handle so much until things start falling apart.

Today I am telling the associate director that her demands for me to stay and monitor the intercom and visitors when I'm 500m away helping in another dept is unrealistic. She chucked a huge tanty the other day because she was answering the intercom. She fails at maths. We have lost 40% of our staff. Zero replacements. The BUSIEST year since way before covid.

I make the managers choose and prioritise my location for the day now. I'm not paid to do that. Every day I'm covering 2 slots. Some days 3.

But I'm not breaking myself and I won't accept unrealistic demands. That's workplace bullying I don't care who they think they are.

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I have mentioned before I am also a queen of over thinking or maybe an emperor. I have always done too much overthinking so now I am vo,unteeribg and have grandchildren I have different things to think about. i used to work with a woman who did not think or worry about anything and I really envied her.