This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Velvet I am glad your conversations with equity have been heard.

You are a trailblazer.

Hope it goes well.

[Issi]

Hi everyone,

I know it’s been ages since I’ve posted, but have being feeling really low. I think even my husband is sick of my depression, honestly I have no friends and feel totally alone. My 2 boys now 18 & 22 have both called me a useless mum this week.

Sorry this is my first post in over a year and I just unload.

Issi

[quirkywords]

Issi you are always welcome here.

I am so sorry you are feeling so low and your boys are not understanding.

This is the place to vent snd be honest as we are all supportive.
How have you been since you last posted?

I remember you were no longer in Travel industry but were retraining unless I am confused.

Again welcome and post here as much as you like as we are listening.
Made my day seeing your name .

[asdff]

Hi Issi, Kids can be brats at times. Try not to ruminate about their comments. Easier said than done.

Hi Quirky, Velvet, Airies and everyone else reading along.

[Issi]

Quirky yes I lost my job in travel March last year. Since then I’ve had a few contracts with the state government working on the COVID19 phone lines. And now Vic has opened up I’m unemployed again.

Just made my bed up on the couch, feel like being alone.

[quirkywords]

Issi I hope you have a comfortable coach.
I often need to be alone.

[Airies]

Issi, you are always welcome here. Kids have no idea what comes out of their mouths. There’s a saying you can’t put a wise head on young shoulders or words to that effect.

I often withdraw to my bed, the couch , in my thoughts. It’s a bit of self care.

[quirkywords]

Aries

they say wisdom comes with age so I guess I am not old enough yet.

Is everyone having this wet cold weather?

[asdff]

Yesterday was not a good day. After being insulted five times by teen daughter I left my in laws house. I was planning on driving to my parents house but the traffic was terrible. There is no way I would have insulted my mum when I was a teen. My kids have a lot of gaul. Nearly every night they critique dinner. I tell them you are lucky it’s not a plate full of vegetables. My husband is thankful for a hot meal. I said yesterday when I left in laws house. Via a text message. Not in person. I am only a house cleaner, cook, nurse taxi driver for you lot. Apart from going to the gym I don’t do anything for myself and I’ve got six weeks with the little brats coming up. I am hanging out for the teen girl to be grown up. She is so opinionated and insulting. It’s not okay to constantly say your makeup is pale, you sunscreen is so white. Your make up shows your wrinkles. I actually don’t care. At least I’m wearing sunscreen.

[velvetfaerie]

Well apart from not being a mum asdff I understand this.

Well I am an organiser, planner, facilitator, maintainer of all relationships in my life. Have to think for everyone else. I almost have to predict the needs of everyone else or I'm mud. My mother has given me one word answers for 10 days after I said I'm sick of being expected to pre empt the needs of everyone in my life. I reminded man thing this am I am always stepping up. Who's supporting me? No one. And guess what ? I have a condition that is legally a disability and no ones supporting me. Over it.

What other colour does sunscreen even come in? HAHAHA. Maybe choose a hot pink one next time? *wink and jokes*

People take way too much for granted.

ANYWAY after my rant I understand. I really do.