This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

oops sent to early.

I thinks psychs talk about trauma in childhood and some encourage people to see this as an excuse for poor behaviour.

I think taking responsibility is not always encouraged but I agree I think it is important.

[velvetfaerie]

The cycle of abuse as they say.

Good words quirky.....good words.

My friend is more concerned about her career.... which will end before it even starts if the kids press charges.

[Airies]

Quirky

we think to much. Our minds are super busy and with me I miss so much. I forget what we watched a day ago, a week ago, forget what day it is and on it goes. Today I had my assessment for PTSD . I meet the criteria. Couldn’t remember what day , year it was when doing paperwork.
I was diagnosed years ago with ADHD , years later bipolar, guess it’s a fine line and they know what they are doing.
We’ve been thrown into a 7 day snap lockdown due to COVID . It was just a question of when.

How are others doing?

[quirkywords]

Even cycles of behaviour need to stop. I have seen people in their 80s holding grudges against their siblings or their parents long after they have died.

My family tended to blame others and hold onto grudges and never forget something I did when i was 3.

I dont want to be like that and so try to let things go, sure sometimes it is hard but at least I am aware of it.

[velvetfaerie]

Grudges hurt the one holding them.... not the one it's against...

I have a cold and feel very out of it.

Thoughts are with our Victorian friends!!!!

[quirkywords]

Yes thoughts with Victorians.

I have come to mind a grandchild tomorrow but feel isolated and excluded in my child’s house.
I just feel I am not given credit for bringing up children.

[velvetfaerie]

I think bringing up kids would be one of the hardest jobs in the world... which is why I opted out. I'm a coward 🙂

Who is taking you for granted Q?

[quirkywords]

Velvet,

One child seems to forget I raised children. I know parents for the first time feel they know everything as things change over the years with child raising.

[velvetfaerie]

Ah I understand..... I have a colleague at work who knows everything apparently. but myself and a collection if other colleagues started in the industry when she was in primary school. She treats us all like morons. I have reminded her we all have our knowledge, experience and various qualifications and we were all hired on that basis. Kindly climb off your high horse! Hehehe.

One day I'll get in trouble again. Story if my life. Lol.

[asdff]

Hello,

I am back. I do pop in and out a bit so that is nothing unusual. Quirky, some of the symptoms of ADHD I have. Especially as I age, I jump from one thing to another. I was not like this as a child/teen. I was very focused. I just have a fiery temper, like being poked and then I react.

Velvet, I hope the cold is getting better.

Lisa, I would be a chatty roommate.

Airies, I hope you get something from a further diagnosis. Peace, relief. I also hope the lockdown goes quickly for you.