This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Insert rude word. No braces tomorrow. That was a bit gun ho of the Orthodentist’s Clinic. We had one message yesterday. All appointments are going ahead. Then another one. We will have to reschedule. We had no idea who it was from as their was no name attached to the SMS. Then one today, we have to reschedule appointments. Um okay. I have Bipolar. I don’t deal well with sudden change. Sometimes I’m okay. Sometimes I’m not. I think I’m in shock. Child was disappointed. If it was me, meant to be getting them done. I would be crying.

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I am sorry your appointment was changed. I too have trouble coping with any change big or small. Sometimes I just ignore the change!

[asdff]

I had a friend write on my Social Media post that her two autistic children coped okay with change during the lockdowns. She also has learnt to not make concrete plans. Um I need to make concrete plans. I need to psych myself up for some of these appointments. Especially the one where my daughter was having surgery, I had no one there with me. I had to be the grown up and it was VERY hard for me. I needed a support person. Lucky my daughter doesn’t show any signs of Bipolar. She was a bit annoyed about not having the braces today. Back to the changes. Concrete plans are in my DNA my father was a solider, my Mother is a nurse. You make a plan and you stick with it. In my Dad’s parenting style. you did what you were told, when you were told and don’t you ever speak back. My mother is more cuddly and emotionally available. She is more flexible now. However, she doesn’t like to run late. I know the not running late thing is in relation to work. You don’t run late for a shift.

[asdff]

Got an email from Orthodontist’s Clinic. Three more appointments:( 😞 I feel like crying. Today was meant to be the day. I’m guessing because we have missed the application date. They have to allow for movement. I can see by the name of one appointment it’s for more separators. Gosh they are lucky I don’t go to paid more. I only have to juggle these appointments in with her school, sports times and picking up the other child.

[velvetfaerie]

Fun times in perth.............

[asdff]

Isn’t it just Velvet? Can we go and break something? I’ve always thought how therapeutic, Greek Weddings look with their plate smashing. I’m sure I’ve seen something like a Break Room, where you are kitted out in PPE and you smash things....... like walls, chairs. I think is BP would have a great time in there. I remember as a kid I would get a glass jar out of recycling and go outside and smash it. I guess I had to clean it with a broom later. I’m not sure?

[velvetfaerie]

Yep. It works. I have done it. Go to good sammies and buy a pile of old crockery and go for gold. There is even a business who does this with their own smash rooms etc, and they clean up too!

We can moan about whatever crap we have going on here at the moment, but are we dying in the street? Are we watching others die in the street? Are we making the call as to who gets the oxygen?

I admit, I am dubious about what the media reports. I have massive issues with trust from those closest to me, to the world around me. I question everything.

I also don't do well with changes and uncertainty, however, adaptability = survival. The only person you can rely on is yourself. Others WILL let you down. Others don't share the same moral compass you do and expecting it leads to disapointment.

As to why orthodontics are delayed, (the braces), I would summise it is due to the inability to comply with the guidelines this week. Can't have a mask over a face when putting on braces. \

my 2c.

[velvetfaerie]

Unless the other appointments are this week in which case who knows their logic.

I'm betting they're not though 😉

[Airies]

It’s sad what’s happening in India. With sco mo singing at his wacky church god what chance have we got. I won’t be rushing for the vaccine until I get a few more facts re clotting.

Asdff it’s quite a journey with braces I had them as an adult and both my boys did. There will be numerous visits ahead.Thankfully lots are short and the end result will be worth it.

I cleaned my bike, walked the dog. If I don’t ride the inn activity is not good for me. I need the wind on my face,the suns rays, elevated heartbeat and so on. I think in a year or two will re-evaluate my cycling and get something far more suited to gravel paths,trails and leave the roads behind. Hopefully as always my wife will allow the outlay of a few k for a new machine.

My stepfather is doing ok. Was going to get a chest X-ray but not up to it.is up and down like a yo yo and unfortunately the medical system over there is not so flash

[quirkywords]

I find the older I get the clumsier I get so much I now deink out of plastic cups. At volunteer work I have broken two items. Not sure it is medication but I dont need a smash room, I smash thing all the time.