This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Lisa611]

Anna am glad you're in a private facility getting the treatment you need. It is also good that they are taking their time to diagnose you. In my experience you can be heavily medicated until you are stable for a while. Thoughts are with you.

[velvetfaerie]

Been ŕeading about nervous breakdown.

😞

[Lisa611]

When I had my first episode they said I had a breakdown. Left work early today. Haven't been feeling well for a couple of weeks. I'm not sure if it could be side effects of the AD. I not long had a blood test and that came back ok. I will go to the doctor next week.

[quirkywords]

think nervous breakdown was used a lot in the 1960s and 1970s. My mum had one in mid !960s then she was put on librium.

Now people say need time out, need a break, need lots of rest, were burnt out, rundown. Now sure if they mean the same as a nervous breakdown.

[Airies]

Anna, have spent time in public and private. Your in the better of the two. You sound positive already, take time out for you. It’s good that your e here too. Thinking of you as I and others have been where you are.
V I go through periods well lots of them actually of reading so much crap about things. Be kind to yourself . I love all food lol.
When in Italy white asparagus was a bit of a delicacy . It was ok but give me a pizza anyway.
ive cut myself shaving, tripped over in the garden and my good hip feels like it’s starting to go. Once I was bombproof, functional, ran every day and now I’m a shadow of my former self. I need to have my bloods done again to make sure I’m ok. And I need to drink water and then some .

I planted Asian greens, lettuce varieties and Tuscan kale topped off with sugar cane mulch, ash and worm juice, a wonderful recipe indeed

[quirkywords]

Airies

I have plans to plant verges but only do herbs as partner loves flowers and not vegetable.

I loved French and Italian cheeses.

[velvetfaerie]

Simple rule for me. If I put myself first I'm an a$$hole.... if others do it it's called self care.

aging sucks doesn't it?

I'll be back soon......... shut down again yay.

[blondguy]

Hi Xanna

just wanted to say hello and my heartfelt appreciation for posting such an accurate and helpful post...;

'Please all be kind to yourselves and do what you need to, to make sure you are safe and ok first, everyone else around you can wait (even your children and partners)... I’m just learning this and finally doing something for me to make me better so I can be happy for me first...

then I can give what I can spare to those around me and not drain myself'

my kind thoughts

Paul

[quirkywords]

Velvet I would like to give these others who treat you so appalling a piece of my mind.

You always think of others but you need to look after yourself or you won’t be able to care for others.

I think these others are feeling entitled and are arrogant.

Take care you are a very selfless person.

[velvetfaerie]

Ahhh quirky ya know what... sod them.... I know who's worth their salt now after this week. I'm good.

My self care plan over the next few days. Walks. Rides. TV. Gardening. Annoying the man thing. Saying hello to the friends who are solid. Ignoring the rest.

You have to put yourself first. I've found myself being very angry and resentful because I had hoped others had the same morals as me. How wrong I was.

Lesson learnt.