This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Asdff, I’m glad I found it. I’m gobsmacked as to how much content there is and for free. Thinking of paying for the premium but not rushing. I’ve tried others , lots really but like always fail to stick to it, but so far so good. Tried Smiling mind but struggled to be mindful to a male voice. I find it grates. Ironing , tried it but no thanks... I can’t

[quirkywords]

Arties I thought inisight timer was very perceptive clock!!

My adult children sigh at my lack of skills on the phone! asdff impressed you iron

[asdff]

My Mother is a retired Nurse and my Father is a retired Serviceman. I couldn't escape the iron. I just watched Mulan and cried. I envisioned become like her, following her Dad's footsteps. I failed. I think too much to be a soldier. I feel too much.

[velvetfaerie]

Wound - healed! Man - he's ok. Projects? Nothing. Yet. Still amazingly tired even after 2 weeks off.

[quirkywords]

I think you could have 6 months off , velvet ,and you would still be tired!

Was anyone told at school thy were easily distracted, or always day dreaming or could not concentrate. i was always told that on school reports. Not adhd just often thinking.

[Airies]

Quirky, yes especially in primary school then recommended to go to a tech school rather then high school. Still can recall grade 3 teacher saying I had a mouth like a Venus fly trap when read too and my writing was likened to a spider dipping its legs in ink and crawling across the page. She was an old battle ax . No wonder I had issues.

[quirkywords]

hello all

Aries i was made to line up with boys when are handwritiing was marked, I had to go to the back of the line where lowest marks were given and I was only girl about ten years old among a messiness of pre teen boys.

No matter how hard I tied I was sent to the back of the line and moistly none examined my writing they saw my face and to back of line!!

[asdff]

This what hypomania feels like for me. Rushing around, finding a new obsession or something to focus on. It’s tiring, it’s exhausting. It’s not productive. To outsiders I appear organised. I don’t feel like I get useful things done.

I’m disappointed in a decision that happened Yesterday. I don’t want to go into it. Just sad for the person.

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

asdff

Mania is like how you describe its not productive but I thought it was, i thought I was fun , as I had no insight and only when depressed again did i realise what a train wreck I had made of my life in such a short time!!

[asdff]

Quirky I know I am like this. I aware that I am zooming around. I think that might be the difference. I don’t know, my brain hurts too much to even contemplate looking it up.

The person that had the bad day yesterday is fine. Appears to be fine. Me, not so fine. I play the last few weeks on replay in my head.

Why do we have these obsessions? I want a normal brain. A productive brain. A non worrying brain.