This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Someone said cake again............ 😄

Going to be resting today after the dr, after work. Couch and trashy tv and junk food. Small goals LOL. Then, once I have found my energy levels again I am sure there will be partying and stuff.

I am funny about money. Have lived on my bare bones a few times ..... man thing... no.... never lived on his bare bones ! Wasteful..... I never spend anything on myself LOL! I really need to do this. I work hard enough for it.

I bought a coffee.... it isn't as good as it usually is 😞

[asdff]

Thanks for your kind words fellow BP people. I just have to break things down into managebale chunks. If I look at something I freak out. I make mountains out of molehills. If I had a cool and calm personality I would be fine but I have a freak out first. Then get on with it. My daughter needs braces. Holey moley it's an ordeal. Not just braces, plates and teeth removal. I am really earning my stripes with my family. Running around from here there and everywhere. I just need to breathe. It will be okay. I am organised and there is money in the bank for this. We new it was coming and the money is there. I don't know the cost but they are quoting. It's the stupid anxiety that was getting to me yesterday. At the orthodontists rooms they should have said we will email you a quote. I wouldn't be the first or the last parent to have anxiety about this. I wanted my support person there. My husband, he is cool and calm under pressure. I just snap. Oh well, off to do household chores.

[quirkywords]

Hello all

asdff, manageable chunks that may be a good idea for me as not only to see thw big picture I want the big picture and now and into the future!!

My teeth need a lot of work and was given a quote by one dentist and it scared me so much I have not been back or see another one for another quote. I dont any dentists here so it is pot luck no one I have asked has helped with local info,

I cant make decisions and even though I need money on myself seems indulgent. Medication and depression over the years has not helped my teeth.

Sorry to digress.

I snap when stressed and tired and then sarcastic mean quirky comes out and that is not pretty.

Velvet, I wasted money when I was manic so now I only shop in op shops and hate wasting food and other items.

Quirky

[Airies]

Asdff both of my boys had braces ad years later appreciate it. Toot removal was part of the process.Despite having braces my teeth are paying a high price through my mental health. Teeth gritting and it’s been ages since I’ve seen a dentist .your kids will appreciate it in the long term and these days braces are very common

cheers

[asdff]

Braces I was prepared for. This is the third orthodontist we have seen!!! Two plates, operation under a general anaesthetic to expose canine teeth and surgically extract four adult teeth. I was not prepared for. The worst thing is waiting on the quotes, I know roughly how much plates and braces cost. Do they not know that a large majority of the population suffer from anxiety? This guy that we are going with should know what he is doing he has three practices and is around 55. He would have done thousands of braces etc. My husband could not come with me to this appointment due to work. Now I have all of the why’s? Why does she need two plates? Will it Lessen the time in braces? Probably. Will that make the braces less expensive, as she will be wearing them for less time, meanING less appointments with you? Perhaps.
I’ve done my research with the operation and am sort of happy with it. Happy with the surgical exposure of the canines, not sure why oral surgeon has to remove the adult teeth. Can’t a dentist do that?

I also have to have a tiny operation under local. If I knew what a hullabaloo my daughter’s teeth journey was going to be, I would have postponed mine.

There is also other stuff going on but can’t share. It’s a bit stressful her@e and we know bipolar thrives on stress.

[Airies]

Asdff it’s an expensive process.My boys both had to teeth removed exposed prior to braces. Oral surgeon was the most pain free option as in putting them under anathestic.Sounds like your copping it from all angles. Is there someone you can talk to or confide in or perhaps see you psych ? Orthodontists are a funny lot. Laughing all the way to the bank at our expense. Your children will be thankful

[asdff]

Thanks Airies. Pysch appointment on Wednesday. I had to reschedule that appointment as there is a school concert on Wednesday. Due to Covid we are allowed to view 5 minutes of our child/ren from a distance. Nothing like we have had in the past 😞 Add in more sporting commitments. Yes, I am under the pump. My husband is usually my voice of reason but he has been copping it from all angles. I will just soldier on till Wednesday. One of my gym friends was good at listening today. I didn't tell her that I am having a downer at the moment, just all the other stuff that is going on.

It makes me laugh internally that during my 20's I worked like a beast, went to uni, had a long term relationship. Now 40, I can't manage much and everything is a struggle. I guess that is bipolar for you? My pysch thinks I was manic in my 20's. Why did she not give me a bipolar type 1 diagnosis? Probaly because I am more often depressed. Like really depressed.

[Airies]

Asdff, at least you are seeing the signs. You are probably doing a lot more then you think. It sounds like it from here. I’ve been manic, severely depressed and now things are just blah blah. I don’t know whether 1 or 2 makes a difference., Getting the right treatment, meds, psych is all part of the journal. I was diagnosed 1 , I’m seeing my psych on Wednesday as well, she’s a good sounding board, like my wife and far far more sensible then me. Be kind to yourself. These are tough times for most people let alone us BP.

[quirkywords]

As I have said before I have only been diagonised with manic depression. does it matter bipolar one or two. .? I know some one who has more bipolar traits but never been labelled.

Counsellors should it be more than a chat. Do others feel good after a session but after I feel down.

[asdff]

My Counsellor gives me life tips on how to cope with the disorder. I.e. when I am down she often says now tell me about the lead up to feeling down. Usually I’ve pushed myself too far. During our lockdown period she asked if I was keeping my life routined? Exercise, sleep, food, taking my meds at the same time.

This last week there has been many things out of my control. Lots of unknowns. Tomorrow is my consultation before tiny surgery.